1 down, 11 to go of my Year of tying up loose ends!

Knitted baby blankets and Mason jar sleeves

And an extra baby blanket in the making...

Well, the first month is almost over. Let me summarize it for you as a LOT happened!!!

Monthly challenge

First of, if you remember, for every month I have a specific challenge to help me tie off those loose ends.  They are there to make me take a step forward more deeply into the life I want to live.  My challenge for January was one of doing something good for someone I love very much.  For that reason, I have set up to knit 4 baby blankets and 4 mason jar sleeves for him to use as sell items as a mean to raise money for his humanitarian trip to Africa. I have knitted 6 mason jar sleeves and 4 baby blankets.  I have one more on the go and I plan on finishing it before tomorrow night and most definitely before his fundraiser event.  I may even be able to throw in a few more sleeves...  

On the side of that, I also knitted a scarf for myself.  It was a project of creation - to do something different not following any pattern but rather my "feeling".  I have shared this scarf o Instagram (it is the orange one) and I am quite content with the end result. 

In the end, it was a lot of yarn and stitches for this month but I really did appreciated it. It might have given me an idea but more on that later then my idea has actually turned into something. 

Financially

It is also a non spend year...  the goal is to learn to direct my money into what I really care about and stay away from impulse buys or just buying because I am bored...  or anxious... or the weather is bad! Ultimately, I am thinking that knowing that I already have enough money to live the life I want, there is nothing preventing me to live it - except for the fact that my money comes in but goes out just as fast... and not necessarily where I would want to deep down. For that reason, I have shared with you before a list of authorized expenses and a list of items I am not to buy. 

So far, we followed our budget (a few more words on this later). We did not buy anything on the "Authorized expense list" either. No restaurants, no day trips.  Nothing! Of course, there are 2 more days to the month and I will post the final picture on Instagram on February 1st. 

We did go over our food budget. I started looking into it as I kept all my bills.  The main reason is my son had dental surgery - removing all 4 of his wisdom teeth - and as a result, he needed food that I do not typically buy.  Perhaps I could have done some of it from scratch and it would have been cheaper... but I did not. Also, it was a longer month, and overall my pantry was quite empty from November and December where I was trying to empty it.  I went over my food budget by 40%.  However, my pantry is now well stock and I started monitoring prices and frequency at which I buy my main ingredients (rice, oatmeal, beans, flour, etc...).  I am hoping it will allow me to better plan my food budget and find "where-to-buy-what-for-cheaper". Food in Canada is quite expensive and there are not many ways around it but with minor price variation and better planning of my food shopping, I may be able to do better.   I am hoping to save 10-15% in February. 

As for our coffee shop budget, we did AWESOME!  We only used 87% of it!  I am really happy about this one!!!

As a result of us being really good with our money, we have managed to pay off 84% of our last debt.  This is huge.  Next month, this will be over with. And we should start seeing some emergency fund money appear!  We have each opened a new saving account for that sole purpose:  Emergency fund money. Yay! We also each have money in our regular savings account - that can be use as discretionary money for ANYTHING we want. Authorized or not. It is in our budget - allowance basically.  But for December and this month, we both saved all of it. 

Life wise

Honestly, not shopping in January was easy.  The weather was not very good and I really did not feel like going out or hang out at the mall...  It is not one of my weakest month.  Spring and fall are.  We'll see then how I handle it.  Plus I am not one to shop on-line believe it or not.  I rarely do.  It stresses me out.  I have, back in November, bought a few clothing items on-line for the first time but got caught be custom and had to pay taxes!  I am not doing that again anytime soon!  The only other thing I may buy on-line, from time to time, are books from Amazon, but books are off-limits for this year! Adn even then, I rarely buy them anymore since I have discovered my public library! 

Also, after further investigation, we came to the realization that this project we had set our mind on for when my husband retires is actually not "legal" in Canada the way we had planned on doing it. So we'll have to look into alternatives... we identified a few but it will end up being a little more expensive and as a result my husband decided to work a few extra years...  As a result, we may allow more money for vacation for the reminder years but this is all up for discussion at this point.  Once we are actually settle on something I will let you guys know. 

I started studying to get my driver's license back.  I had let it go a few years back as driving in the city was really stressful and we no longer had a car so I did not see the point in paying for something stressful I could no longer do unless we rented a car.  Plus in Montreal, it is quite easy to get by without a car.  Here in Dieppe, it is a little more challenging to be car free - for example, my husband's work is not accessible by public transit and there are not apartment within walking distance, the bike if off limit about 5 months of the year -  so we bought a used car which we paid cash for, and now I would like to have my license back.  Not really to drive around so much, as we almost only used the car for my husband to go to work, but mostly for when we go on trips!  We could cover more distance in less time being 2 drivers! 

Last but not least, I did reserve our few first few camping trips for this year:  One week end in June as a couple and 9 nights in July where I will be alone for 5!  I am really looking forward to the start of this new camping season and more specifically for this long stretch of 9 nights.  I have never spend that many nights in a row camping and I have never been alone camping!  I just can't wait!!! 

So this was my January.

Eventful but so rewarding!!!

How did your month go???

Please share if you liked what you read! 

Chloe 💜&✌

Every blogger's nightmare

I long debated whether I should write about this or not...
After all, not my typical blog post... but, I think it may be useful to new bloggers out there or people thinking of starting up a blog.

There is an "every blogger's nightmare" out there.
And it is not whether or not you will be successful, the number of readers you will have and if you can ever make money out if it!

It is: Internet trolls!

They are actual real people who spend hours reading blogs every day and post comments. Nasty comments. Hurtful comments. Anonymously of course. Their sole purpose is to engage you in a virtual fight or argument. They feed of your response.

I am not talking about people expressing their opinion with an open mind and wanting to discuss things openly with you or questioning your own opinion. And using their identity to do so. I am talking about  the random person, expressing themselves with not so nice words and anonymously.

The type of comments that just hurt. With no positive side to it whatsoever.

For example: "you blog is boring, you talk about "x" all the time, you are obsessed with "y", you have no background in "z", you need help... those kinds of comment.

We all experience them at one point.
They hurt. They make you question whether you should write or not.

But just like in the picture, let them go up in smoke!

Fortunately, you can screen them. On every blog you have the option to approve comments before they get published... at first I didn't use that option because my crowd is a "silent " one who'd rather sent me private messages than publicly comment. Until I got my first troll visit...

Unfortunately, using this feature,you still read them, see their content and it hurts. Be the nicer one and just hit "delete", ignore and DO NOT REPLY. They feed off your reply and if you do publish or reply there will be more of it...

Ignore... move on. Let it go up into smoke.

Remember that blogs are personal... it is your voice, your opinion, your experience that you share. It is helpful to some, and at a bare minimum to you if you take time to do it, so keep on writing. You will find your crowd. And what matters most is the benefit you get from it: be it just that you love writing or that it clears up your mind.

And of course you will write about the same "thing" all, the time... your blog as an objective, it is a life process, something you care about... whether it is nutrition, health, finance, minimalism, frugal living, yoga, hockey, chest, board games, fashion, game console, books, camping... you will talk about what matters to YOU. It is your blog.  No one has to read it. If they don't like it, they can read the next one.

Internet is an amazing place that can fit everyone's need and allow free speech. Use it. To help others, not to hurt people.

Just ignore the trolls.
Be the bigger person.
Own your shit.
Do you.
Amazing you.

In the end, that is all that really matters. 💜

Please share to people who you think might benefit from that...

Chloe 💜&✌

Why I need to be strict with my shopping

When I decided to launch a year long shopping ban I was quite confident I could do this. 

I knew it was "The Year" I would finally get over my shopping addiction for good. I was decided. And still am.

I have been battling this for so long now...  it started back in 2011 when I started this blog. This is the link to a very short post introducing my first ever shopping ban. I was new at writing but still I think a few articles are worth having a look... if you wanna see how much I changed! 

A little background.

Long story short, this year long turned into a little over 6 months... and my authorized expenses where rather a large grey zone... I never attempted another year long before this year.  But I did attempt different lengths of shopping ban and they were always more or less successful. Honestly, looking back, I simply think I was not there yet.  I had so many other issues to address first.  And I was not aware that it was such a big issue for me.  I thought that being a shopaholic thing was just a fun book/movie concept! 

However, with time, digging through all my issues and dealing with MS and the effect it had on my overall well being I have changed.  I discovered Yoga and it opened up so many doors...  

And I eventually had to admit I was a shopaholic. Period. There was no way around it.

Still at the time I "discovered" it, I was not ready to heal that. So I controlled it the best I could.  It did get better because I no longer wanted to go into debt to buy stuff.  I smarten up. But still, spending every extra penny I had on stuff was not making me happy as it was setting me back on my ultimate objective of camping a lot more and discovering the world. 

What did it for me.

In 2018, I decided to quit working.  Completely.  Retired. February 7th was my last day of work. I was only 45 but it had been a dream of mine to retire very early and concentrate on Life instead of work.

It was a challenging year that made me become financially "dependant" on someone else - which I had never been. It also brought about a lot of questioning about myself, my life purpose and so much more.  I had more time than ever to meditate, do yoga, read, write, walk, reflect...  and it was eye opening. I have learned more about me in 11 months than I did in the many years before that. So it seems. 

I have resolved latent issues.  Discovered what I really care about in life, what matters to me. I had time to try many things and see what did or didn't work. 

I have finally assumed myself.  My weirdness... my difference... and it feels great to be who I wanted to be.  To be who I was meant to be. The good and the bad.  All of it.

And this is why I was ready to address my shopping issues. 

Because in all those months, discovering what really matters to me, made me want to have the funds to actually do it. 

When I wanted to stop working, my husband and I looked at our budget and figured it out. We made compromises. It didn't just happened.  We both agreed this was the best thing for me, for us and we worked to get it.  Together. 

When I discovered what I wanted to do with my free time - meaning week ends and vacation and eventually  when my husband retires, I also realized that my husband had a similar vision.  Not exactly the same but not so different that it couldn't work.

So we started looking at our budget once again. We decided we could do something about the food budget and the coffee shop budget. So we did.  I started by addressing the stupid amount of food we were wasting weekly for lack of proper planning and then refined how we ate to a simple meal plan of a handful of recipes that we eat over and over again.  Neither of us really care about the food we eat as long as it is healthy, cheap, simple and vegetarian. Neither of us care for spending hours in the kitchen or hundreds of dollars on expensive food. By doing this, we saved about 30% on our food expenses.  As for the coffee budget, we just decided it was enough. We wanted to do other things with the money. After all that, we came to realize that we have enough "extra" money every month to allow us to live the life we want to have. 

Again, working together in the same direction is much easier...

However, the money was not there.  Technically, it was.  Practically, every single month we were using every penny we had.  It would have been suppose to add up in the savings account but it wasn't. It became obvious to me that I needed to stop shopping for stuff but mostly clothes.  I needed to end the endless shopping- wearing-donating cycle...  It became obvious that although I still like clothes and having a certain look, it don't need that many pieces...  I could get away with a lot less.  And as for food, perhaps having a few pieces I love very much and wear all the time was not at all bad if it allowed me to go camping and travel. It all came down to priorities.

This is why I decided to finally address being a shopaholic.

Priorities.

What matters to me most is not having a wardrobe full of clothes and needing to change twice a day to wear all of them but rather owning less clothes, that I wear until they are no longer good and then get other ones... there will always be clothes I like somewhere. Even if fashion changes every season, there are tricks to finding clothes you like: some store are pretty consistent in their styles, you can also use thrift stores and one of my favorite trick is to get something that is OK and jazz it up!! 

Use it up. Wear it out. Make it do. Or do without. 

This works for everything.  Even clothes. 

And this is why it will work this time.

Because I am ready.

Because I want it to work.

Because I have other, more meaningful priorities. 

However, unlike one of my dearest friend suggested, I cannot allow myself a day per month to just let go...  she suggested I do that to avoid feeling miserable. It was really tempting... and I did think about it overnight.  But nights are always when my good ideas come and it told me not to give in.  Not to be tempted.  Not to make an easy out for myself.  It had never work for me.  Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better - I know it does.  I might feel miserable but I have to figure another way than buying clothes to get over it.  It is too easy otherwise.  Nothing ever worth it is easy.

I want to travel, I want to go camping more.  I need to make it work. No one can do it for me.  No one should. 

Allowing myself one day where I could buy clothes could be catastrophic! I know I could very well spend all I saved in that one day.  And then I would be back to square one.  I don't want THAT.  

No one can cure an addiction by being permissive.

If  I feel shitty, I have to find something else than buying clothes to feel better.

My options are:

doing yoga/meditating

reading

writing

knitting

drawing*

working on my Sanskrit*

*those last 2 are a new found hobby... I combine drawing with words and Sanskrit terms in my own specific way and I quite like the results! 

And if everything else fails, I do have a couple of people I know I can text or call pretty much anytime of the day and they will talk me out of my need to buy something! 

I am now on day 24 of my shopping ban.  Quite frankly, I have no need for shopping or clothes... and I did not buy anything in January. We are having a pretty good month so far. I will update you on that next month as January comes to an end! 

I am strict. I know it might be hard.  I know there might be some struggles even though I did not encounter any yet.  But I know it works.  It is the only thing that really works: DISCIPLINE. 

If you too are in any sort of challenge for this year, what is your biggest struggle?  What is your safety net? Do you have accountable person you can count on? 

If you liked what you read, please share... 

Chloe 💜&✌

What defines who you are

What defines who you are?  Have you ever asked yourself this question?

Labels

There are so many labels around...  you can find labels to define who you are, or who you think you are so easily. You already know that I am not to found of labels. You can read about it here but essentially I find they are diminutive and restrictive...  you can be so much more than that if you become who you were meant to be. Labels, groups, can serve as inspiration but you should aim for more than conformity.

I am not going to lie... for years, I have identified to labels, especially when I was lost and confused about who I was. It was easy, comforting and gave me a sense of belonging. After all, if I am a vegan or vegetarian, a minimalist, a knitter, a reader, a writer, a yogi... it gives me people I can identify with.  People I can relate too. People who are like me, therefore proof that I am "right". Right?

What hides behind labels

However, in the long run, the more I tried fitting into those groups, the less I wanted too.  The feeling of belonging changed into a feeling of not being good enough. I could always find someone that was a better vegan, a better minimalist or a better yogi than me.  Someone who wrote better... or read faster... So I was right back where I started...  feeling not good enough and hence looking for where I could be good enough. 

What if I was already good enough?  What if there really is no group I can fit in 100%? What if I was at a point where I no longer needed to be defined by a single word?

What if I assume my given rights to be free to be who I want to be?

What if I used my gut feeling to judge for myself what is right for me? 

Would I loose anything doing so?  Would I gain something?

For sure I would not loose a sense of belonging...  because quite frankly, no matter how hard I tried, I was never comfortable around anyone who claims to be 100% anything! Life is never that simple.  There are all colors, all shades of grey.  

And life is not a competition... I do not need to be a better vegan, or a better minimalist, or a better yogi...

What I am is good enough as long as I am comfortable like that. 

I started listening to my actual needs

My body, mind, spirit talks to me in so many ways... it tells me what it likes and doesn't like.  It tells me what makes me happy or not.  It is all in there... buried deep down behind all that life long conditioning I got.  I just needed to listen. (And by the way, so do you!)

And little by little I crafted myself... I became who I was suppose to be all along.  I am not quite sure I am 100% there. But then again, can you ever be 100% anything, even yourself?  Isn't it a life long process as things change all the time?  I know there are more conditioning that need to be broken down...  I know I need to work a little more on self love and acceptance... and this will ultimately, let me be, with no fear of judgment, no fear or being alone, no fear of not being loved for who I am. 

It is actually not that hard to find out what agrees with you or not.  Just quiet yourself.  Do things alone and in silence.  You will know.

This is what I did.  And it was a great realization...

What defines who I am is actually what I do most of the time

(However, I am not saying your jobs completely defines who you are - I am lucky enough to not have to work...  but still, in some ways, what you do should reflect your inner most values or else you are constantly battling with yourself and that is one of the primary source of "dis-ease")

I like to eat healthy food but no so much cook for extensive period of times so I figured our how to do that: mostly plant based (sometimes eggs)... with a few ingredients and eating the same thing over and over again.
I like to move.  I can't stay in the same place to long. There are so many things to see.  I am not doing it nearly enough right now.  There will be more moving in the near future.
I like to live with the bare minimum... the extra just drives me crazy. Owning very little makes moving so much easier.
I like to practice yoga and meditation.  It calms me.  It makes me feel so much better in my head and in my body.  But I like to practice at home...  so I do that.
I like to read.  So many different things. And sometimes I don't finish a book I do not like.
I like to write.  I have no training in it per say... but it makes me feel good.  So I do it.
I like to knit.  Simple things. Nothing complicated...  and I can't (or won't) follow a pattern.
I like to do bead embroidery - although I am just starting it and I need to work on that skill much, much more - but it brings me peace of mind and allows my creativity to  come out.
And sometimes I combine knitting and beads...
Or add beads to my existing clothes!
I like to walk, by myself or with my love, in our city and listen to the birds, look at the sky and reflect.
I like to go camping - but nothing too wild! I won't carry my backpack all day.  I need a toilet.
I like to be in nature.  No noise. No music.  No Internet.  Nothing but silence and quiet.

Is there a "label" for that?  I don't think so... of course on Instagram I need to use # or no one would ever see my stuff...  so I use a bunch of Hashtags on every post...  all the ones I am aware off that I think define me in some ways...   but I am not pretending to be "perfect" at any of them.  

I no longer want to be perfect at anything.  I use to. Because I thought I was not good enough.

I find perfect is boring - not original.  Perfect is unrealistic in most instances. Perfect puts to much stress. 

I am looking for peace and quiet... this is all that matters right now.

This is what I need to be healthy. 

What do you think?  Do you feel the pressure of labels or are you slowly breaking free of them?

If you liked what you read, please share...

Chloe 💜&✌

Mid month update

Hello!

This will be a short and sweet post... just to update you guys on my progress so far.

I have knitted 2 baby bassinet blankets (that can also be used for car seat) and 3 mason jar sleeves. My objectives are 4 and 4! Still doable.

I have paid back on my credit card 800$ and I will have more funds to put on it... if we are not at 0$, it will be very close! And paid for in February!

I have stayed within budget for groceries and under budget for coffee shop - I am really exited about that! These are the 2 areas where I ALWAYS go significantly above budget!

I have not bought anything outside my authorized expenses.

But most importantly,  despite going through 2 challenging days, I DID NOT  buy clothes.  To be honest, I did think of it for a split second but also realize that it would not resolve anything... and just put me further away from my goal!

Even though my initial goal, and the reason for doing all this to start off with has already been revised... because of very restrictive laws (that I have just became aware off) where I live in Canada... but that is for another post! Once I have found a solution and build an even better dream!

This one is just to celebrate my great start to this year long challenge! 2 weeks down, 50 more to go!!!

I can do this!!! 💪

How is your challenge going?

If you liked what you read, please share...

Chloe 💜&✌

Was MS the problem or the light at the end of the tunnel?

I have mentioned before that I sometimes feel like I was all over the place for a while.

Reading ''How to be Alive'' by Colin Beavan, and a few more of my recent reads are helping me figure it out!   In the last 15 years or so, there was many, many (did I say many?!?) changes brought about into my life. Some willingly, some by the stoke of faith... Some good and some bad...  the good following the bad fortunately! 

Almost a year ago, I stopped working. Because I wanted to and we could afford it. I am still very happy with that decision and I wish I could have been smarter sooner and do this when my son was much younger...  but there is no need for regrets.  They serve no purpose.

When I stopped working, I had all those plans, all those things I wanted to do.  My to do list was a mile long!  Little did I know, I would work further on myself, deepen my spiritual practice and with time, my to do list shrunk A LOT!  Not because I did most of it, rather because I do not see the point to most of it!  

So here I am, a year later.  Still very happy to not be working outside my home in exchange for money. With a very short to do list. With a lot of time to do what matter most me: take care of my son and husband, take care of my small home, take care of me with my spiritual practice (yoga and meditation), having lots of time to read and write, time to knit and time to walk!  These are currently the only things I have time for.  And that is perfect.  I do more home cooking - although you might know cooking is not my thing, I figured out a way to not spend too much time doing it while eating mostly from scratch a plant-based diet on a budget! I also take more time to maintain my home - the energy is better in it! I do more laundry by hand - which is better for clothes and the environment. 

Now, I was still looking for "what am I doing here?" THE BIG QUESTION!!!

If I do not work outside... If I do not do anything to bring me fame and or money... what is my purpose? 

I thought for a while of building an online business... doing multi-level marketing, being an activist, volunteering...  but none of it seems to really satisfy me! None of it brings me the peace and quiet I want and need! They are time consuming, restrictive on different levels... and they require me being out there!  Which is very the opposite of what any introvert is looking for.  And being an introvert is a realization I a came too early fall and that has made so much sense to me... to explain me. 

But I still wanted to bring about change in this world! 

Perhaps the go-big-or-go-home is NOT for me.  There must be another way...

So I started doing brainstorming, and flow charts and all that... 

It ultimately lead me to the following flow chart:

You can see on there that all changes that happened or that I made in my life are related to being diagnosed with MS (multiple sclerosis) back in October 2003. For the longest time, I assumed this was the problem...  but was it?

Before I was diagnosed, I was on a path that I never saw coming...  I had became the person I always despised as a teenager!  I had become who I swore I would never be...  Was it really that bad? I was not doing anything illegal per say.  Some may say that I was pretty mainstream... which is true!  I was living the American dream.  And for some, it might be OK.  To me, it was going against my inner most values... and it made me sick!  I had to get really sick and be forced to look at my life differently to find meaning - or at least to start looking for it. I had to be really scare for my future health and life to realize I was going the wrong way.

And even then, it did not happen overnight...  I resisted, I felt like life was not fair, I asked "why me?" so many times... and cried myself to sleep more often then I ever thought would be possible...  until I was ready to change, ready to see that maybe MS was not the problem but the light at the end of the tunnel!  Perhaps MS had been in my life to redirect me to the person I wanted to be... to make me see that I had grown away from myself! I needed to find my way back...

Which I did... with the help of yoga, meditation, Reiki, nutrition, lifestyle changes.

I have realize doing the above flow chart and a few brainstorming that all the life changes I made, were to manage and heal MS but they were also to bring me back to be and environmentalist like I was as a teenager and young adult.  The way I eat, being a minimalist, my activities, hobbies all bring me back to that!  All the time!  Over and over again!

It brought me to write this blog and publish my book.  However, still being in the "American dream" mindset, I figured I had to go big or go home!  And up until very recently, my focus was on numbers, on Likes, on share, on page view, on finding ways to be more out there!  To get "famous" and help more people... to go viral or have trending...

But that too was making me kind of miserable... I  am quite content with being low profile...  quite happy with not having hundreds of emails to answer every day...  pretty satisfy with the random nice comment I get from you guys!

I have come to realize in the last few months that what most might call a mediocre life is plenty for me.  I am looking for peace and quiet... I am looking to help those who want to be helped - not to force change on anyone.  I have to believe that those who find their ways to me, I can help and will gladly share what I know to do so.

I like this quote I saw a few months back, it actually started a major shift in me:

" Lighthouses don't go running all over a island looking for boats to save, they just stand there shining"  Annie Lamott

Perhaps this is all I need to do...  be a lighthouse, shine and wait.  However many boats find their way to me will be enough.  And those boats will go in their own directions after and keep on sharing... and perhaps this is how sustainable change happens: when people are ready.

I no longer worry for my "legacy"...  I have been on this planet, some will remember me, some won't... and that's OK.   I am trying to live my life to be the best version of myself.  This is all I can do.  I have to admit my limitations - whether they are self made or not... I am an introvert...  deeply introvert.  I like my peace and quiet and this is where I thrive... so what if I do not "go big"...  I am already home!

Now what?  Well nothing really...  no big changes!  No announcement!  It will be me.  More of me.  Just like you already know me.

More of the same.
And I like that.
It makes me feel at peace.
I am satisfied.

And, what about you?  Does this blog post spark anything?

if you liked what you read, please share...

Chloe 💜&✌

Tips to decluttering

I have been mentioning decluterring a lot lately... A LOT!

I have been doing it for the last 11 years on a regular basis.  I remember my first attempts back in October 2007 were NOT easy.  It took hours... if not days...  with tons of tears shed to get rid of only a few items... endless questions...  endless "but what if?"... endless "but this was a gift", "this comes from"...  and in maybe 2-3 months, I had manage to get my 3 bedrooms apartment (which we moved in from a 2 storey house and 3 kids, after having hold this huge garage sale filling up our 4 car driveway) into an acceptable home.  It was still very crowded now that I come to think of it but at least we could walk around without constantly bumping into something.

This 2-3 months, however hard it had been, opened up the door to more and more decluttering.  Eleven years later, this picture up top, shows you my favorite place in the living room (you can see here a list of all that is in my home currently).  And I swear, it is not staged.  This is what it looks like day in day out.  Perhaps with the exceptions of a few books extra on the table when I have just been to the library!

When I left that apartment where I had learn to declutter, I brought with me maybe 80% of what was in it... and I did this every time I moved after - that is 4 more times! There also were a few odd decluttering events every now and then when I panic and cannot breathe! My husband and son find it really amusing when I get into a "I cannot breathe mood"!

If I think of my house, which I did love a lot back then, I probably own 20% of what was in there...  but with every item I "lost", I have gained so much more!

What started all this was my initial encounter with Yoga and Feng Shui.

The first as a principle about non-stealing.  In Yoga, non-stealing does not only refer to not taking something from someone else's hand or home or store...  in ALSO includes an idea I had never heard about... which is that if you own something just to own it, but do not really have any use of it and especially if you do not like it, you are stealing it from someone who could use it and like it but cannot afford it!  So by donating the item, or selling it as second hand, you not only improve your living situation but your whole karma. Why hold on to something you have no use for?

The later, made me aware of the fact that every thing has an energy and that stagnant energy is not good for your home and it's inhabitant. It blocks your own energy and can be conducive to developing diseases. Every object or thing or stuff or room you do not use regularly has stagnant energy.  This is why, nothing should be stored for years...  no room should be vacated or use only on special occasions... you should keep nothing for special occasions... everything needs to flow... move, breathe! Why keep stuff packed away?  Do you even know what is in those boxes? And don't even get me started with storage lockers you pay for monthly...

oh and if you moved recently, like a few months back, and still haven't open some boxes, and perhaps stored them as is in a closet or the garage, please consider that you may actually not need them and bring them to goodwill as is...

So, what did I learn?  Which tricks/tips did I use to declutter???

1) Have you used it in the last season? Or in the last year for things that are seasonal like Christmas decorations, skates, camping gear, pool equipment...  and so on. If not, pass it along...

2) Do you really like it? REALLY? Not because someone gave it to you, or because it has been in your family forever. Because you LIKE it. Do you keep it only in case someone asks you if you still have it? Who does that anyway? If you do not really like it and you have no use for it, you do not have to keep it!  You can ask the person who gave it to you if they want it back, if it has been in the family for years, ask another member of the family if they want it. If you are not at ease with any of these, just bring it to a goodwill store of your choice.  Someone will like it and be happy to pay less for it...

3) Does the item represent who you are NOW?  Does it fit into your current lifestyle? You should not keep items because they remind you of who you use to be... you are no longer that person and that is OK.  We move on. Life moves on. Stuff needs to move on too! Is it something you keep because it somehow represent an "ideal" you?  Someone you would like to be? Or someone you think you should be? How does it make you feel when you look at it if this is the case? Like you are not good enough? Like you could do better?  Why keep something that makes you feel like a failure, like you are missing out, like there is something wrong with you?  Everything in your home should contribute to a peaceful state of mind, should create a nice, calm environment.  Not stress you out!  There are enough around us to create the stress... make your home a sanctuary.

4) If you need to pack up and go, is this something you would bring along and carry with you for however long you need to be up and running? Of course this applies only to personal possessions...  you need a bed and dishes in your life, of course you would not carry them with you for weeks... it doesn't mean you can do without in your home. This refers mostly to your clothes, jewelry, books, decorative items, collectibles, etc...

5) If your home was to burn down, and I sincerely wish it never does, what would you replace in it? Would you really buy all that is currently in it or would you take this opportunity to do with less? Do you really need all those television? DVDs? CDs? Books? All the furniture - even the one you never sit in or use? Would you buy another dinning table with 10 chairs - or eating in the kitchen is what you do most of the time? Do you need all that fancy dinner ware and glasses? How many mugs would you buy back? Tupperware? Mason jars? Pots and pans?  All the frames, paintings, decorative items?  Make up and toiletries? And once you did all this, would you actually move back into such a big house or apartment? Sometimes imagining your life with nothing makes you realize what you really value...

Now, there are a few more tricks that I picked up from different minimalists.

One is for anything you are unsure, just box it up, label it 3 months from the day you close the box and if in 3 months you haven't gone back into the box to look for anything, just bring to goodwill without opening it! This is quite a popular one. Frankly, it doesn't work with me...  after a couple of weeks, the thought of having a box dormant somewhere annoys me and I get rid of it.

You can also use the 20/20 rule introduced to me by the Minimalists. If there are an item you are unsure you will ever use again and you could easily replace it in less then 20 minutes for less than 20$, just get rid of it.  If the needs arise, you'll replace it. But what if it doesn't?  And you keep on carrying this object with you for years for no reason??? This is great for kitchen stuff, office supplies and small items I find.

And last but not least, Marie Kondo uses joy...  although it took me a while to understand what she means, if an item doesn't spark joy, don't keep it.  I think it makes sense and goes well with what I was saying earlier that your home is your happy place, your sanctuary... nothing that doesn't bring you joy should be in it.

Memorabilia

This is the most difficult category.  And every minimalist, essentialist, decluttering specialist will say it:  keep this for last! The reason is there are emotions attached to those items.  You need to be ready to let them go.  You need to have done the work on yourself with the rest of your home before you can even think of looking at memorabilia.  You cannot replace them ever if you declutter them and regret it... regrets are not good.

My suggestion for memorabilia is that in time, they will "speak" to you and you will know you can let go... sometimes you will take a picture to remember them and looking at the picture will do the same as holding the object...  sometimes, you will be years into your decluttering before you can let go and sometimes you just can't.  And that's OK.

Just remember, there is no real need to keep everything everyone you loved ever gave you.  Even without the object, you will remember the person and the memories associated with them.  It doesn't mean you do not love or respect the person anymore. It doesn't mean you want to forget them.  It just mean you trust yourself to remember what you should. It means you are ready to move along and bring memories with you, in your head and your heart, but not the heavy stuff that weighs you down.

A few more notes

Please, please, please, do not keep stuff out of guilt...  your own or induced by someone else...  Guilt is a very negative energy and as I mentioned before, the object you would keep would carry the guilt and it would slowly poison you whole home...

Same goes for not getting rid of things out of despair or when you are angry...

You have to declutter on a nice day, when you are in a nice mood and take your time.  Create an atmosphere with a candle or incense, perhaps your favorite relaxing music. Go at your own pace...  it is not a race nor a competition.  It took me 11 years to get to a place where I can breathe!  And I am pretty sure, this is not over.  It is a lifelong process...  you do not to prove yourself to anyone.  You only need to get better. To feel better. To do this for you. And you only.

I read somewhere that you should use stuff and love people... the opposite never works!  Keep this in mind.  Stuff is just that: STUFF!

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Chloe 💜&✌

Why declutter at the start of a shopping ban? and what is in my home...

It might seem counter intuitive to actually get rid of stuff  right before a shopping ban...

After all, I cannot shop for a whole year!!!  Why risk "missing out" on something???

But isn't that one of the goal of the shopping ban?  To prove that I already have enough...  that it can wait... that I can do without...

My moto:

use it up. wear it out. make it do. or do without.

I did get rid of clothes, books, CD, nick knack...  not very much but some. Every year, around this time of the year I "panic" and get rid of more stuff...  every year I think that this is it! I will not need to declutter ever again!  And yet, year after year, I am ready to let go of more...  not necessarily because I bought more (I rarely buy anything besides clothes and we've cover that plenty!) but just because it seems like I need less and less...

But what is the purpose of going on a shopping ban if I already have excess in my home???

The idea of the whole thing is to prove to me that material is not going to make me happy... buying it, keeping it, maintaining it, storing it...  all this takes time and money that I'd rather spend elsewhere!

To be quite honest, beside my personal belonging that I really care for:

Clothes for this season and the rest of the year
13 books
4 CD
1DVD
some jewelry
2 mugs
1 large Buddha statue
1 small Buddha statue
a few Mala's
a few candles and candle holders
incense stick
essential oil
1 rocking chair
2 plants

here's what's in my home and belongs to my husband and I:
(I am not listing what belongs to my son and that he will take with him as we have no intent of replacing any of it for ourselves - eg, the television)

Bedroom:
1 double bed and linen for it
1 chest drawer
1 night stand
1 chair
1 salt lamp
1 dream catcher

Kitchen:
1 round table with 3 chairs (36" diameter table)
1 kitchen island
food and the minimum required to cook it
5 non matching plates and silver wear to go with it
2 mugs (on top of the 2 listed above)
mason jars to store food and drink in it
1 flower vase
1 cookbook and a notebook to write down recipes
1 coat peg as our entry is also in the kitchen

Living room:
1 living room table
1 bench used as a "fireplace" holding candles and incense
1 comfy chair
2 rugs
1 lamp
1 salt lamp
one small table and singing bowl in my meditation space
one cabinetry (holding my notebooks, yarn, sewing stuff, paper, pencils...)
and a few decorative items like the one I made in the above picture...

Patio
a patio set with 2 chairs
a couple of cushions (that we use inside also)
a lantern

Camping and hiking gears
(all you need for that.... not going to list it)

and this is it!  All we own (yes my husband do have personal stuff also, but it is not my place to share it! - he does have much less then me though)!!!  It can be packed up and ready to go in a couple of hours... and we love that!  We are wanderer... we move a lot and have no plans to stop that any time soon...  we do have plan to move into a van eventually and live in it for a while so the few items we own will make that transition easier for sure!!!

This is not very much... and of course, for now, we also have a television and game console as well as a futon in the living room which all belong to my son...  but as I said, we have no plan or replacing any of it when he moves... as by then, we'll be getting closer to moving into our van so the idea is to get use to life without a TV.  This is also why, as this year monthly challenges, we are planning an Internet fast from May to August included and no television in July.

What are you thinking right now? What is in your home?  Do you have this hitch to declutter now?  Are you grateful for what you have?  Do you use all of it regularly?

If you enjoyed what you read, please share.
Chloe 💜&✌

What makes my world go round

As part of this year challenge, I think showing even more gratitude will be very helpful.  I done quite a few of those posts already (you can find them in the right side bar under the "what makes my world go round" label) but I will aim for once a month this year...

Basically, they are about what makes me happy... there are some things that keep coming back in there but some seasonal changes also...

Enjoy

My son

The love of my life

A snow flakes on my eyelashes

Fundy National park

A chickadee singing on a very cold day

Fire

Apple chai

Decluttering

Having enough

Soup + bread

Patchouli incense 

A walk in Irishtown park

Staying in

Snow falls

The moon

A sunrise

A snowball fight

Flannel sheets

Grapefruits

 These are the first things coming to mind... no edits, no thinking it through... just as it flows...

If you liked, please share!

Chloe 💜&✌

I did it!

OK...  I promise this will be the last post on clothes for a while...  until spring!

Up next, later this week, there will be a "What makes my world go round" and one about why I chose to declutter right at the same time I started a shopping ban.

More clothes donated or stored

Meanwhile, I have to share with you that I did MORE work on my closet...  it was still driving me CRAZY!  Even if I have been at it since the end of November. I have first donated roughly 20 items - you can read about it here and anything I had put aside then is now gone too, then, I have let go of 20 more items and this week end another 8. To be honest, the last 8 is still in my home...  I have boxed them up and if at the end of the year I did not go back, I will just donate them without rethinking it. The idea of keeping them is for a safety net...  just in case I panic!!!  It would avoid me going shopping and I could shop in my closet... plus they are made of fabrics I really like so perhaps I could repurpose them eventually...

Also, someone suggested that I look at this per season for now...  having 4 very distinct and different seasons makes is a little bit of a challenge (or overwhelming) to dress with less pieces and can feel as an excuse for someone like me!   By breaking it into season, I can see what I wear this winter - until the end of March, then I will re-assess - for slowly turning into spring weather.

My winter closet

I am happy to tell you that what you see in the above (of really poor quality) picture is what I will wear this winter.  There are 26 items there.  There are also 2 scarves that I knitted and use as accessories not shown and my outdoor wear and 7 items for outdoor wear. Grand total of 35 items!

Essentially, this is what my winter wardrobe consist of right now:

3 jeans
2 skirts
1 corduroy pant
1 dress
3 t-shirts
6 long sleeve t-shirts
4 flannel shirts - to be honest, I wear those more on all other seasons... but kept them as winter items
3 warm sweaters
3 cardigans
2 hand knitted scarves used as accessories

outdoor wear:

1 winter jacket
2 scarves
2 hats
1 pair of mitten
1 pair of winter boots

(we have "funny" winter here and on some occasions, I may need to wear my fall jacket and hiking boots as winter jacket and winter boots may be too warm but as a general rule, 90% of the times, winter jacket and boots it is)

if you ask about jewelry, I basically wear the same 3 earrings (not pairs, really 3 earrings) and 2 rings over and over again...

I have a quite simple life and my wardrobe reflects my activities and who I am 100% right now.

Do you have any questions for me?

Did you give yourself a challenge this year?  What is/are your biggest struggles?

Have you gone through your wardrobe recently? Did you downsize it?  Were you surprise of what was in it? How did you proceed?

If you like what you read, please share...

Chloe 💜&✌

How did so many clothes find their way in my wardrobe?

This picture is from my wardrobe exactly 5 years ago.  On January 2014.
In there you can see what I had decided to wear for my version or a capsule wardrobe for the winter.
There are only 21 items.

My summer clothes were safely put away...

There is no way I was even close to the number of clothes I own today.

My wardrobe history, if only I had taken pictures to prove to you, is like the adventure or someone on a diet for years... with ups and downs! Honestly, in my worse ever, I must have own 300 items of clothing (not that I really counted back then, but it is an estimate both my husband I made independently)!  Excluding outer wear, footwear, lounge wear and sports wear!  Basically only what I would wear to work or out and about! I was filling up a double closet, an armoire and a 4 drawers chest set...  with, obviously, some storage under my bed!  This was from 2003-2006. I am not proud of this. At all.

But when I started to heal, in 2007, the Salvation army near my house was very happy!!!

From that time in 2007 when I started to live with less, to the above picture in 2014, it was mostly a decline or steady number of clothes.  After my first purge, I slowly let go of a few more items, then bought some and let go and bought., etc..  Always with an overall smaller number of clothes.  In January 2014, I was probably at the lowest number of clothes I ever had (aside from January 2016).  I was really happy about it too!  I didn't have to figure out what to wear...  everything matched with everything else... My closet could breathe...  and so could I.

What happened between then and today?
Remember, I am now up to 68 items (89 including outer wear and footwear) after a purge of roughly 15 items in November and another 21 on Dec 29th!

Well life...  it is clearly an addiction I have! The number has been going up and down between January 2014 and today...  It is at a record high however in 5 years. I am not happy about it.

Although I thought I was OK, clearly I was not...  I never did break free of the endless over-consumerism cycle.  Not for clothes anyway. I buy, wear/or not, give away...  lather-rinse-repeat! Endlessly...

Because shopping is what I do when I am bored, sad, happy, exited.  It is my way of dealing with my emotions instead of just letting them be.  You can't shop away emotions.  You need to live them and let them go. Nothing will ever be resolved by buying one more pair of jeans or t-shirt!  Not even by buying that super sexy/feminine dress I should own! But will never wear.

By decluttering 36 items over 6 weeks, I have come to realize a few things:

1) some of my clothes were no longer fitting because I had lost weight - still I wanted to hold on to them - not in case I gain the weight back... because I had invested money in them (although most were from thrift stores) and I liked them - as if I could never again find clothes I loved!

2) some were emotional purchases - I could clearly recognize which items were in that situation - items you buy when you are having a bad day! or a good day! or because you really deserve it! -having a great memory is sometimes a curse but it can also be helpful in working through your shit!

3) some were purchase for the "ideal", "better", "good enough", "smart enough", "more sexy", "more feminine" me! A ME that do not really exist... that never did! A ME I do not even wish existed! They were to satisfy expectations I thought people had...  to satisfy conditioning I had...  to satisfy people that are not even longer in my life! To prove to the world that I am good enough! But the world do not really care in the end...

4) and of course, the "well this is a great deal" purchase!  Even though not worn... or worn once... Who can resist that??? No me!!!

And this is how clothes "find their way into my wardrobe"!!!

Because I put them there!
No one else does...
No one forces me to buy anything...

And no one can stop doing it for me!
This is my addiction.
This is my fight.
And it ends now.

One day at a time.
I am now on day 3, and feel fantastic!

Any thoughts? Tips? Tricks?

if you liked what you read, please share...

Chloe 💜&✌

What I am not allowed to buy...

Hello!

I realized that I have made many posts about my project for this year. They were explaining the reasons why I am embarking upon such a challenge, my goals and objectives and a list of my authorized expenses.

However, I have never spoke about what I cannot buy. Not really... perhaps I didn't want to think of it... but a blogger I follow made such a post and it made me realize that as long as this is not CLEAR, I could justify it somehow... or cheat!

So here's a list of what I cannot buy...

1) clothes - I have way more than enough. I could only replace an item if it breaks and nothing else I own will do... but I will have to wait 30 days to see if I really really cannot do without! This includes jewelry and footwear.
2) Books - although I didn't buy any for 2 years, I could see a trend coming back end of last year...
3) Decorative items
4) Mugs
5) Furniture
6) Candles - only replace the one that burns off
7) Notebooks - only allowed buying 1 which I wanted to buy back in December but could not find one I like on special as it was close to Christmas. This is for a special project. Aside from that, only replace existing ones when they get filled. I am getting really good at not having a collection of unused notebooks and I want it to stay that way...
8) Stationary - except for replacing pens if need be. But I really should have more than enough!
9) Towels, sheets, blanket
10) Restaurants - only for special occasion
11) Coffee shop - I have decreased my budget to 200$ per month... from 250$. And at 250$ it had already been decreased from 400$ this time last year when we decided I would stop working
12) No Internet between, at least, beginning of May to end of August. This will, decrease my time spent on line a lot...

This should cover it...

It is basically following the one-in-one-out rule.
Quite simple in writing... but my brain is really good at making twists and turns on rules!

I have learned over the last few years that, when I "need" to spend money, I usually go for clothes first... but if I cannot buy clothes, as when I am attempting a shopping ban on clothes, I can go for any of the items in the above list with no shame or regrets.

I really want to save money and go on more experiences.
I have to stop shopping.

"I can make myself rich by making my wants few."
Henry David Thoreau

If you liked what you read, please share...

Chloe 💜&✌

1st month! Ready, set, GO!!!

Well, here we are!
The day is finally here!!!

My year of tying up loose end is starting!

I am exited... and a little scared to be honest!
I know I have a lot of work to do on myself. Yet again.
I know it will be challenging. Especially until summer.
I know I will want to give up. I know.

I will share all of this with you here!
100% honest. 100% of the time.

My last few days of declutter

Over the last few days, I have done some decluttering and inventory of my personal belongings.
By this, I mean what belongs only to me  not to my household... not furniture or kitchen stuff...  not appliances.  I have listed what I would absolutely want to bring with my if I had to go. Quick.

What would I pack and be willing to carry?
Knowing the rest I would never see again...

I was surprise to see how little I actually care about.
It was also very eye opening.

Having been a "minimalist" for a while now, I could see that it had given me the expected results in many areas of my life but there was a few more personal areas that are still, by my standard, way to cluttered!!!

What I have got rid off

Some clothes (20 items total)
Some fabrics
Pens and pencils, coloring books
Instructions books on needle work, doodling and other creative related stuff

All this actually ended up being two garbage bags.

Let's start with what I am happy with

Although I will not share here, right now anyway, all the content of my home, I can say that the overall look of my minimalist home is quite satisfying. I have very little furniture and I use all of it on a regular basis if not daily... maybe for the exception of my rocking chair and another "comfy" chair we got at a yard sale for 7$.  Writing this makes me realize that I should use this chair a lot more... the rocking chair, I am mostly keeping for my son when he has kids.

I am also quite happy with the fact that I currently own 15 books:
- six regarding National Park in Canada and USA, guides for trees, birds and plants.
- two related to meditation and yoga
- five regarding self development
- two which are on the "let's see if they stay" list

I also own five Cds, four of meditation music and one of Leonard Cohen, and one DVD of Louis-Jose Houde a comedian I like.

As for decorative stuff, the only things I really absolutely do not want to part with are:
- one 2ft high Buddha statue my son gave me years ago
- one tiny Buddha statue that comes from quite far away and given to me by a woman that had a huge impact in my life
- one singing bowl
- a set of eight fairy my son gave me
- my favorite mug and maybe another smaller mug from Paris

I also own a few notebooks, one with my favorite quotes, one is my journal and two are notes taken from my reads (seeing almost all the books I read are from the library) and a last one which is used as a planner for my two year long road trip.

This, I would say is quite reasonable as personal belongings I care and would like to take with me.

Now let's jump onto more problematic areas

1) Creative stuff.

I own knitting needles, yarn, sewing material and a few beads/pearls with thread.  This is what I have been using regularly.

I also on embroidery equipment which I hope to use soon.  If I haven't by the end of winter, I 'll have to revisit keeping it. I have already owned it for quite a few months.

A you saw up there, I got rid of quite a lot of other "creative" stuff...  all the stuff relating to "projects" I had.  See, the thing is I have a bunch of ideas!  Things I want to do... or things I wish I'd want to do... or most likely things the "good enough" version of me would do!  However, this is all according to an "ideal" me!  It has nothing to do with the person I am or I want to be but rather with the person I think people expect me to be.  Yes, I am creative... yes I know how to sew and draw, paint and create some collage and do many different things... but do I really want to do all those things???

To be honest, not really... It's not because at one point in my life I learned to do them that I still care for it.  I am happy I know how to do it... it is useful to be able to sew back on a button or hem a pair of pants or a skirt... but  even though I have previously made clothes from scratch, it is not something I am really interested in. I'd rather buy my clothes and add a personal touch to it...

What I really like to do in my spare time is, in no specific order: yoga, meditation, walking, reading, writing, knitting (simple stuff) and to lose myself into bird/tree/sky observation. THIS is who I am.

I have to let go of what I think is expected of me...

2) Clothes

Well, this will come as no surprise! This is my MAIN area of concern.  I have started identifying my triggers and looking into the root of the problem... as for any addiction, it is not that simple.  There will most likely be a lot of writing over the year about this issue in particular along with how I am working on it and healing.

For now, in the spirit of 100% honesty, 100% of the time, here's a list of all that can be find in my current wardrobe after the 20 items were let go off.

1 all season dress
1 velvet tunic/dress
5 pairs of jeans
1 pair of wide legged corduroy pants
1 corduroy skirt
1 mini jean skirt
2 pairs summer pants
1 pair capri pants
3 pairs of shorts
5 flannel shirts
10 long sleeve tops
10 short sleeve tops
6 sleeveless tops
3 knitted warm sweaters
4 warm cardigans
1 light weight cardigan
2 ponchos
2 fleece cardigans (for outdoor and camping mostly)
1 rain jacket
1 spring/fall jacket
1 winter jacket - and one winter pants
18 accessories (scarves, mittens, hats - mostly all kind of scarves!)
8 pairs of footwear (including all seasons and all activities)

plus a few jewelry, lounge wear and underwear/tights/socks...

Clearly, this is WAY to many...  But this is why I am doing a year long shopping ban!!!  I obviously do not need more clothes! If anything, I need less!!!  How can I fit all of this is a camper van in a few years down the road???

And why did I get into that position AGAIN???
How can I not, knowing all that I know, opt out of the endless buy-wear/or not-give cycle???

There clearly is a more deeply rooted problem..

Let's figure it out!

What do you think?  Care to share your opinion? Are you doing some kind of a shopping ban? Could we support each other?

Chloe