New blog on Wordpress.com

Hello guys!

For those of you who still come here, you might be interested in knowing that I have a new blog on wordpress.com instead.
Look me up

www.Chloesyogiclifestyle.home.blog

Hope to see you there!  💜

This is it... really.

Well... this is it.

You know I've had a love /hate relationship with this blog.
For many reasons...
It is time to pull the plug... to say good bye!
For good.

I can't keep looking back.
I can't keep going back to what had once been good to me in the hope it will still be.
I need to go forward...

I will not disappear. You can find me on Instagram.
Chloe_peace_72
I will keep on posting things but in fewer words.
You can always contact me directly and I will answer your questions.
With great pleasure.
I know some of you do.
And I love it.

I am removing all goals, objectives, challenges and rules... from my life.

I will do me.
Simply.
See where that brings me.

My life will still be simple.
It will revolve around yoga/meditation/pranayama and camping.
This will guide me for the rest... for the details...

It was great bring here for 8 years.
It is time to move on.

Good bye
Take care of yourselves...

Love always
Chloe 💜&✌

2 done (or almost), 10 to go!

Well February is done! Or pretty much...

Let's start with finances. 

This month was smooth sailing... my financial objective got clearer. I know why I am doing this.

I already know that I won't spend today as I am staying in (and not buying online as my credit card is not being used).
I also know that I will pay rent on Thursday... and buy food.

I bought yoga pants, it gave me an "orange" day but I am fine with it.

I am getting really, really close to paying off my credit card! Perhaps within 200$.... we'll see! We really did all we could this month to get this over with...

My food and coffee budget were well respected. I am really happy with that.

Monthly challenge.

I had challenged myself to read 8 books. Well I did... and a 9th one is on the go. Here is the list of the books I read... I really did enjoy all of them!!!

1) tout ce que nous pourrions etre toi et moi so nous n'etions pas too et moi (Albert Espinosa)
2) mon amoureux est une maison d'automne (Mara Tremblay)
3) je ne suis pas une heroine (Nicolas Fargues)
4) no impact man (Colin Beavan)
5) je suis le genre de fille (Nathalie Kuperman)
6) la Havana mon amour  (Zoe Valdes)
7) la delicatesse (David Foenkinos)
8) at home in the muddy water (Ezra Bayda)
9) les vents contraire (Olivier Adam)

Most of them are available in English even though I read them in French - I like to read novel in my first language,  it is more of a distraction...

And last but not least...

A shift happened in me this month...
I had set out to do this year to figure a few things out...
I had mentioned before that I feel like I am all over the place sometimes... talking about nutrition, minimalism, camping, knitting, yoga, meditation, the environment, finances, books and my feelings...

I figured out that the common thread is, and had always been: YOGA!

It all goes back to this... yoga has changed my life in so many ways... but perhaps, because people assume yoga is a physical activity requiring extreme balance, flexibility and strength I used other words... but the big picture of my life is being a yogi. Yes I do some asanas and meditation but I also embrace all the yamas -or try to! It is a work in progress.

I am unsure as to where this will lead me during the course of this year but I know that as of now, it results in changing my other monthly objectives... but more on that in a later post.

I also realize that I need to blog a little less for now... maybe a couple times a month will do. I will be more present and explicit on Instagram as this media seems to work well with me for now.  You can always find me there : chloe_peace_72

And one last thing. I really enjoy one-on-one exchange so if at any time you wish to talk with me about anything you know I am passionate about do not hesitate to contact me. There's a link on the right!

That's it for now...

Chloe   💜&✌

Struggling a little this week...

This might be a shorter post than usual... or not (apparently, once I revise it!)

I have been struggling a little this week.  I said I would always be honest with you guys...  this is me doing that.

Although I didn't really cheat on my challenge and I am quite happy with the decision we made as a couple, something didn't feel quite right. And it was a familiar feeling.  Thanks to me writing down mostly everything and a regular meditation practice, after a few days of feeling down and a very verbal discussion with my husband, I have pinned it down to what the issue is.

This feeling happens to me regularly.  At first I thought it was just a seasonal thing but after a couple of years of taking notes, I can finally say that it is not seasonal.  It is not hormonal. Or linked to the moon.  It is link to something I do.  Something I feel like I have to do.  Something I impose on myself...  for who knows what reason???  Well, technically, I did find out the reason...

This time, it was trigger by this challenge of no spend year I embarked upon beginning of January 2019 and reading the book "No impact man" by Colin Beavan.

About the challenge

If you look in years past on this blog, I have been more or less active...  And you cannot see that but I can, the number of readers have varied greatly.  Due to numerous factors.  Some because of me, some out of my control.

The thing is, no matter how many people are reading me, I always start being more active here because I need it.  Writing makes me feel better and allow myself to self analyze... I need it.  Like some need to run. I love writing my thoughts, even if sometimes they can be all over the place.  I do not consider myself a writer.  Or even think that I am very good at blogging.  I hardly if ever re-read myself.  It's almost as if putting it down here, allow me to free myself from those thoughts and move on. Like a journal... but one that doesn't "waste" paper or hurt my hands.

Then, I get into this thinking mode that if I am to write, I should get more readers.  If I can write, if I have something to say, I should find more people to read it.  Therefore it is not a "waste" of my time.  And I know I have blogged about this before... but I am here again.  I need to figure it out again! At that point, I get more present on social media - mostly Instagram and a little Facebook. I reactivate my Pinterest and Twitter...  just to announce a new blog post.  And then I get in the number game... tracking my numbers, and like and page views... and it does go up.  Exponentially of course.  But slowly. It is mathematical after all.  But at what cost?  I get back into feeling like I need to take pictures of everything... like I need to create experiences and events and nice view to show you guys. I create new crazy challenges... Like this " my year of tying up loose ends".  Like I need to be someone.  Better. To put myself out there.  But I am an introvert...  and out there is NOT for me.  It doesn't make me happy in the end...

It stresses my out.  I feel imprisoned.

It's as if I am trying to achieve something that is not for me.  Something that won't make me happier.
But something I have to do. Something I feel obliged to do.

About the book.

"No impact man" is an even crazier challenge than  what I am doing.  Then I ever done. It was cold turkey major life changes overnight almost. Very unlike my small step approach.  I admire this guy for what he did.  It took a lot of courage.

I had seen the documentary years ago but reading the book , you get a different look on the experiment.  He struggled too.  He second-guessed himself.  He learned a great deal about himself during that year and sharing those discoveries in the book made me realize a few things about myself.

Mostly that I am probably to attached to my accomplishment. Especially for someone working on non-attachment.  And it is hurting me.  Hurting my relationships to my family by putting to much stress on me and therefore them.

Something that is worth doin is worth doing well.

And because I was raised to do good.  To do more.  To do better.  Like most of you I think,  the challenges keep getting more difficult...  and my expectations more strict. And I drive myself crazy and I get stress about raising the numbers, tracking everything, finding something to write about or a picture to post... I compare.  Compare myself to what is out there on social media.  Compare myself to other people, people who are doing nice things but in their own way.  People I admire and respect but do not necessarily wish to be. People who can be source of inspiration but I do not want to compete with them.  Nor with ayone.

And because even though I am not an all or nothing girl, I feel like I need to invest myself at 100% or more, it is way too demanding...  and I know I can do it.  I know if I set my mind to do something I will.  I did in the past. But the question always comes back to "but do I really want to?".  And I have had this discussion with my husband and with one of my best friends... I can do those things I have challenge myself too.  After 47 days, new habits have been created and most actually do agree with me...  I haven't even think about buying clothes to be honest. I have almost paid off all my credit card.  I have money in my savings account.  I am creating less and less waste.  I am simplifying my diet and lowering my food budget. I no longer buy books or magazine - and I haven't for a while.  I cut my own hair.  I do not dye my hair or wear make up.   All this is pretty amazing I think.  For me anyway.

Now back to that saying I grew up with... what is "doing well"? Where do I draw the line at I am doing this well, or above and beyond, or not quite good enough??? Who's judging? Who is grading? NO ONE but myself... or maybe some are but should I really care about it?

I entered this year for me. And my family. To get control over my finance.  To prove to myself that I can if I want, do better with my money.

I didn't enter this year to feel miserable. Life is about more then rules and restriction.  More then asceticism. Life is about "sparking joy" as per Marie Kondo. And my friend Nikki.

What does "spark joy" in me? 

Well, for this, I can always go back to my "what makes my world go round" posts.  But essentially, I get joy for the small tings in life: taking a walk, having a chai, reading a book, a fireplace, the birds, the clouds, the trees, simple food, my yoga practice, knitting and clothes.  And of course my loved ones!

And to be honest, if I cut down any of these, there are no joy.  I feel miserable.  And even though I know life is not a straight line of happiness, self induce misery is simply stupid.  There is enough misery going around for everyone - why create some extra for me??? What good is it?  Who benefits from that?

So, I know I can do this.  I know I can follow all the rules I created for myself for this year...  but do I really want to?  I do agree with most of them.  I am confident they will not make me feel miserable.  But there is one, I know I can do it.  But I also know that I don't really want to!  And you've guessed right:  the year long shopping ban on clothes.  I hinted it in my last post that you can read here. Now I know I do not want to go back to my hold habits.  But I do know that I will want to buy clothes before January 2020. I just need to figure out what works for me.

It takes real honesty and maturity to come clean.

I had to think about this for a while.  I had to be honest with myself first.  And then be mature enough to write about it.

I know I put myself up for criticism.  I know there might be people thinking that I "failed", that I "gave up".  Again.  I know this is how I felt about myself at first, so I am not the only one.

But after further thinking about it, I know that admitting that something is not for you takes courage. Saying that I think I do my part... that I keep working on myself and that this is enough for now is opening Pandora's box.  And I can do that.

I try.  And sometimes fail.  And sometimes give up - not because I am not good enough but rather because I bite more than I can chew off at once.  I am trying to do a life's long work into a few years...  I claim that you can go far with small steps and I try and do giant ones!!!

Why?  I am by no means any better than any of you... I am just an average Joe! Doing an average life! Trying to do the best I can not to hurt to many people and our lovely planet! I cannot save it all by myself...

The butterfly effect.

I used to think that the flap of my wings would create a hurricane elsewhere...  but there is more than one dimension to this butterfly effect. And perhaps, I am not the butterfly creating the hurricane but the butterfly next to me, who started flying because I did, will.  And that's OK. Or maybe it is just 20 of us who will eventually create the hurricane...  who knows?  who cares?

Really, at the end of the day, the only thing that matters is that I am happy with the life I lived.  I am the one who has to deal with my decisions and my life design...  no one else.

As a result...

I will eventually come up with what would be acceptable for me to buy clothes.  My happy medium between getting the clothes I love and not harming anyone or the planet.  Not too much anyway. I can already tell you that I did order yoga pants online.  They are fair trade. I needed those pants because after years of doing yoga at home in my PJ's, I need to go to a studio to meet like minded people... I also need to practice outside more in the summer.  I cannot do either in my PJ's.

Also, I will write here of course.  But for me first.

And I will most likely decrease my presence on social media - mostly Instagram.  I will close down my Twitter and Pinterest account again. I will not force myself to take pictures... or to go and see the number of likes. Or page views.

I will step away and I am really looking forward to my May 1st - August 31st Internet free home.  I could do it now but pretty sure my son would not be impressed!  I cannot think of myself only...  this is a family and if I need a happy medium for me, I also need  happy medium for the family!

any thoughts?

Chloe 💜&✌

Day 44: Second guessing myself

Life would be so simple if we could be barefoot and naked all the time! 

Although I am not one who is comfortable showing off her body...  but that is another story! 

I am now on day 44 of 365 of "my year of tying up loose ends".

I embarked upon this year to challenge myself and get even closer to the person I am. To stay away, for good from the person I had been told I should be. 

I wanted to deepen my spirituality practice, spark my creativity and refine my finances.  I wanted all those aspects of my life to be more in tune with the life I am designing for myself.  And my future self.

We have had a bad realization: my future self will not be able to live in a van the way I planned to.  We cried. We healed. We adapted. 

My spirituality practice is going somewhere I like...  I am more and more constant in my practice. Although I would like for it to be longer and morning and nights.  I am working on that. Small steps. 

My finances are doing great.  It is amazing what 44 days of not spending money here and there can do! My credit card is almost paid.  My couch is paid. 

My biggest challenge is not buying clothes for a year. I am a reformed shopaholic sometimes still struggling with my relationship to clothes. And this is where I am second guessing myself...

In 44 days, I didn't really think about clothes.  I am truly satisfied with what I own.  I wear all my clothes.  I think I did pretty good at avoiding the post Holiday sales and end of season sales...  I did go to the mall a few times so temptation was there!  And even though I have unfollowed and unsubscribe to anything and anyone who sale clothes, new ones they found their way to me...  sponsoring on social media!  If only I could cut all the publicities on social media?!? Is there a way to do that?

I am confident I can do this.  After 44 days, my desert have been crossed... my new habits formed... I know I have got this under control. I just know. Period.

BUT, do I want to do it? What is it going to achieve? Am I gonna be happier depriving myself of something I really love?  Is it really that bad if I buy clothes reasonably within budget and that I wear them?  What if on top of that they spark joy when I buy them and when I wear them? Is there a better way to achieve my goal and get my addiction under control? After all, people who are addicted to food cannot stop eating completely...  as we cannot walk around naked!  So eventually I will have to buy clothes...  

What should I do?

There must be a better way where I am happy and in control... 

So I went back to think over what are my issues with shopping for clothes:

1) I can do it uncontrollably.

2) It cost a lot of money per usage

3) Is is not ethical in most instances - abusive labor, unsafe working conditions,...

4) Is is one of the most polluting industry in the world (especially with fast fashion now)

Now is there a way I could handle every single one of those issues in a way that I am happy with, that doesn't interfere with the life I want and my values?

1) Perhaps I could set rules for myself.  A fixed amount monthly or per season?  A percentage of my monthly savings? Maybe only buy when someone is with me so I cannot hide it?  Be accountable to someone? 

2) Wear it more - but this would entitle having less... so should I do one in-one out? To insure that I never have too much?  But then how do I choose the item that has to go? Maybe set a number of clothes per season I can have... and as long as I stay within that number I am fine.  But then how do I set that number??? And I need to understand that every piece of clothes I buy takes this much money out of travelling/camping - which is honestly what has got me going so far!!!  I so want to be out in the woods as much as possible this summer!!! What do I love more:  camping or clothes? Or do I love them equally??? Do I really have to pick and choose or can they co-exist in my life?

 Or do I  buy for less: thrift shopping? 

3) Look for ethical sustainable brands.  But they are quite often expensive... and not often my style as far as I know - except maybe for two brands (American Apparel and Prana). And then I need to pay for shipping and there is air travel which is quite non-ecological! So it brings me back to thrift stores...

4) Stay away from fast fashion... and look for more ecological brand.  So I am back at 3)! But then I love H&M...  would doing their Conscious or LOGG lines be acceptable? Am I voicing my concern by doing so? And they do recycle your old textile - as far as I am concerned, they are the only store doing that!  That must be worth something no?  Or just encouraging the fast fashion store? And what about American Eagle and Old Navy?  LOVE those store...  If I buy fast fashion but wear it a LOT!  Is that OK???

This also brings me back to thrift stores! If you buy second hand clothes, you are not using up new resources, you are not encouraging sweat shops by increasing the demand, you are not letting perfectly good wearable pieces go to the landfills...  but then again, you have to find something you love and fits you! It is not always easy!  And what about those items I am not as comfortable wearing second hands, like t-shirts or anything that gets in touch with your armpits? Is it just me or touching someone else's armpit gross??? 

I guess this post doesn't bring any answers... not definite ones anyway!  It seems like I have a lot of thinking to do about all that! 

Obviously, for now, I am still on my clothes shopping ban.  I need to find a suitable solution to my issues... 

Any thoughts? Any one? Please???

 Chloe 💜&✌

Minimalist frugal diet

Over the last week, I have been finishing a project I started a while back.  The cold weather has had me feeling like wanting to stay in...  so I had more time to look into it.  It is something I had said in my last blog post that I would address next.  Well, here it is:  How I adopted a minimalist frugal diet to save on my food budget!

First, about my diet

As you may know, over the last several years I adopted a vegetarian diet, then a strict vegan diet.  Switch it up to no-fat, low-fat, no process food, a little process food, mostly starch, mostly liquid (juices and smoothies), mostly fruits... etc...  always staying away from meat, poultry, fish and seafood. It was meant for me to deal with MS.  And it worked.  The details around it changed as I wanted to try things. See what could be better.  What would work with me and my lifestyle.

As of now, let's say I am mostly plant-based!

I basically stay away from meat, poultry, fish and seafood. I will have eggs once or twice a week. I ate cheese twice in the last 2 month ( a first in 6 years) and didn't really care for it. But I am not saying I will never have it again if it ends up being convenient.  No other dairy (milk, butter, yogourt).  However, I will eat a pastry, on some occasion, which I know may contain dairy.

I realized that this is the way that makes me happy.  It doesn't feel to strict. It doesn't affect my health.  And if keeps my weigh under control despite my crazy hormones! Being 46 is not easy hormonally!

It works for me.

My and my kitchen, a history.

I have had a love/hate relationship with my kitchen and cooking/baking.  I never learned as a kid or teenager.  I didn't really care for the food we ate at home.  Never liked meat  so much (only a few ones) and there was a lot of it.

When I first moved out, I tried.  It was exiting to be able to eat what I wanted. But it didn't last long... Then when I bought my first house, it was the right thing to do right?  So I decided to take a course in a well know chef's school in Montreal.  There I learned all the basics.  And more. So I tried again. And I got pregnant.  The smell of food, especially meat, gave me nausea for about 6 months.  So I stopped cooking.  After my son was born, I was on maternity leave, and somehow his dad had set his mind to have a meal ready when he would get home.  So I spent quite a lot of time in the kitchen between making supper and getting all the purees made for my son.  I never bought a jar of baby food. Then I went back to work and that was out the window. I gave it another try when I became vegetarian, and another one when I went vegan, especially in my no store bought food period. But I felt "obliged" to do it and I hated it.

However, I do understand that it is healthier and cheaper to have a home cook meal.  I put health as my number one priority.  I had to figure out a way to make this work without feeling imprisoned in my kitchen several hours a day.  And I did.

Minimalist diet.

By applying my minimalist lifestyle to my diet, I decided to declutter my cook books and go to recipes. I kept a single cook book - basically because it has a ton of health related information. Then I took all the recipes that are inexpensive and simple to make and created my diet plan around it. I also kept a few more "complicated" recipes for special occasions - like when my son is home, because these are his favorite meals.

And I noted everything in this notebook:

This contains all the information I need.  And the handful of recipes I use regularly.  Although, I make them so often I don't even need to refer to the actual recipe anymore.

Here are my go to meals.

1) Roasted veggies ( potatoes, sweet potatoes, carrots, turnip, beets, cauliflower, broccoli, Brussels sprouts...), farmer's market bread and homemade hummus.
2) Mashed veggies ( potatoes, sweet potatoes, carrots, red lentils - mashed with the cooking water and garlic powder, smoked paprika and salt), farmer's market bread and homemade hummus.
3) Basic veggies soup to which I can add red lentils, barley, pasta, cooked legumes...  once again, served with farmer's market bread and homemade hummus! I can play around with this soup so much that it always is more or less different!
4) Barley mushroom celery soup. It goes well with a side of tofu...  or hummus!
5) Salads - a few go to but not a huge an of salads in general
6) Buddha bowls - great to use up leftovers!
7) Fried rice - my husband's favorite
8) Pasta with homemade tomato sauce or Asian style with veggies and peanut sauce.
9) Hash Brussels sprout with eggs

I make my own mocked meat and sauce (aioli, brown sauce, "cheeze", tahini dressing, spicy peanut sauce, avocado sauce).

I also roast pumpkin and sunflower seeds coated with soy sauce, garlic powder, cayenne flakes. And sometimes chick peas!

For breakfast we eat toast or oatmeal with fruits.  Sometimes crepes when we have more time... or even scrambled eggs with my "cheeze" sauce and roasted potatoes with Italian herbs.

And sometimes I make muffins, scones or a banana bread!


My ultimate frugal tricks.

1) Not wasting food.

I am not proud of this but for years I wasted food.  Too much food.  Way too much. But no more.  I have put a stop to this back in October.  And one thing that help was to simplify my eating.  If you noticed, I use more or less all the same ingredients in most of my recipes. This way, without having to meal plan every week - which I cannot do for the life of me - I know what to buy and I know I will use it up.

2) Doing the math.

And this is what I worked on last week.  I took a list of staples in my pantry, a pen and walked to 2 near by grocery stores. One is a regular grocery stores.  My usual go to as I can get there everything I need. The other is a bulk food store, that holds most of my main staples and allowing me to bring in my own containers, it decreases my plastic bags usage - LOVE this idea!

I noted down the price of each of the items per 100g or 100ml. It took a while... and I got a few weird looks! ;) But I can live with that...  Came back home, put everything in order and selected which food I would buy where from now on. By doing this, I can save a LOT of money without having to go to the stores more often.  Just plan my trips differently.  As most of my items are cheaper (and sometimes WAY cheaper) at the bulk store, I will also decrease my waste by having less packaging to get rid off! It's a win for me and a win for the planet.  And it took about 3h walking to and from included!

What's next?

Honestly, I am pretty happy with my diet, chosen meals and newly appointed grocery stores!
I think I will take a break from all that for now...

It may seem boring to some of you but I was never much into food.  Making it or eating it.  Even less buying it! I think I was about 8 or 9 when I asked my parents why there was'n a pill I could take instead of having to sit down for a meal as I didn't have time to eat! This was back in the early 80s! And I am still waiting for it...  Then, when I started paying for my own food, I also kept thinking what I could do with all that money if I didn't have to buy food!!!

Well years later, at last, I have taken the time to think this over, do the math and finally get down to a way of eating that works for me and my wallet!

Did you ever think we spend to much time and money for food?  Do you have go-to meals you eat over and over again? Do you know how much of your budget, or hard earned money, is spent on food?  Are you OK with it?

if you liked what you read please share...

Chloe 💜&✌

It all goes together!

 Years ago, when I was going through a major life crisis, I turned to Yoga...  and Feng Shui.
For guidance. For help.
They were a life savior!!!
In many ways...

The point is, they changed the way I see things which resulted in a new life for me. Because things can be any way in your life, all that matters is how you see them and what you do with it.  It's up to you. You can turn lemon into lemonade!

Minimalism

I discovered what was then mostly known as a new trend:  minimalism.

Minimalism can be describe in length and in many different ways... it seems that many different minimalist have a different version of what it it. But essentially, you get down to the minimum.  Your minimum.  Less is more. This is not a competition, what ever point you are comfortable with as a minimum is all right. Ideally, all you have, you love and use on a regular basis. And that point changes all the time... You need less and less stuff as you get into that mentality.

I started by decluttering my home.  Then my agenda.  Then my life in general. Lather, rinse, repeat...
I did this for years...  sometimes falling back into the vicious circle or hyper consumption.  After all, this is the society we live in and I, like most of us, am not immune to it. It's a trap. It is a multi-billion dollars trap conceived by really smart and well educated specialists.

They make you feel like you are not enough.  Like you could do better.  Like you are almost there.

Always like the grass is greener on the other side.

Always by comparison, by flashing those picture perfect ideal lives that could be yours too. Easily.  At a cost. Of course.

So I struggled.  I wanted to be a "minimalist" but it was back and forth.  I would get rid of certain things and get a little more back...  always never as much so overall, my number or amount of things kept decreasing but it was not a steady line.  Life rarely is a steady line. Although I enjoyed and breathed more easily every time I purged a little more, something was not quite right.  Something was missing. I was torn between a call for a life of less, where I felt good and being afraid of missing out. A feeling that kept coming back.  Over and over again.

This is where my meditation and yoga practice came in handy.

Essentialism

The thing is, by meditating and doing yoga on a regular basis, I got to know the best person ever... my best friend... the only one I can really count on and will always, always be there for as long as I live:  ME.

By getting to know me, I got to figure out what my values are, what my priorities are.  And knowing this is the key.  The key to finding out what really matters to me.  What I truly care for.

Once I figured out what mattered to me, I became a little bit more immune against the so called American dream.  I came to realize that perhaps there was more to life than what they are trying to sell us.  Maybe life is more than stuff, and things??? And maybe the grass is greener on the other side because they watered it, not because they bought it recently, or new or from a more expensive brand!

By knowing what I truly cared for and wanted to be in my life, I came across a new notion called:  Essentialism.
You can read my post about essentialism here if you wish too but basically, it is the notion that less is more only if it is what is essential to you. It is difficult to be a minimalist if you have to follow rules and numbers and restrictions... about everything and anything!  Perhaps travelling is your thing, and clothes are mine...  and that's OK! The notion of essentialism introduce the fact that you have to pick and choose what matters to you... and then concentrate on that at the expense of what matters less... or not at all!

Essentialism is about making choices.  About quality over quantity. You can't have your cake and eat it too.  Well, technically this is a bad example as why would you have a cake if you don't eat it??? It would just be a waste.  Hahaha!  But you get what I am saying...  you have a finite amount of time and money.  This might change at any point in your life but it is always finite in some ways.  So right now, what you do wish to spend you finite amount of time and money on???

Where will you put your available resources to create the life you want?  And to know the answer to that question, you need to know yourself.  Because if you don't, you will invest your time and money in the wrong place... in places other people decide you should invest time and money. And you will be unhappy, feel like something is missing and be right back to square one believing all those publicist saying that there is more, there is better than your life!

If you are not satisfied with yourself and your life, you are exactly the person the publicist are after. This is what they do, they create a sense of dissatisfaction to sell their stuff to you.

And THAT was my main problem.  I was so busy learning and mastering who I was suppose to be that I never took the time to know who I was.  Until a few years back.  It was a long process of trial and error but a very rewarding one. I took the time I had to get to know me. I invested my finite amount of free time into getting to know me.

Once I figured out what I really care about, what makes my world go round (I have a label for those posts in the left column), life has become much more easy!

Once I figured out how I wanted to invest my time and money, I became less and less sensitive to those publicity.  I started seeing them for what they are:  sellers of a fantasy life that will never happen as there will always be more to be wanted and wish for...  as the make you believe that you will never be good enough!

I am not saying I am completely insensitive to it... no one can.  Or maybe monks can but for us living in the real world, having to be in a city... working... shopping... using the Internet, watching movies, seeing magazine cover (even if it's just waiting in line at the grocery store), there will always be some contact with publicity, with made up images or fake life that looks better than yours.And there will always be bad days where you are more prone to fall pray to it... but I have minimize those days a lot.  I have learn to recognize my triggers and not (always) fall victim to it. Find your triggers.  Heal them.

Once you know what you care for, and what your want your life to be like,  this is where frugality comes in. You'll have to make choices.  Inevitable. But, frugality can make your finite amount of money seem like much more.

Frugality

For years, I called frugal people "cheap".  No offense intended. Really.  I just did not get it!  I didn't know better.  And don't get me wrong... there is such a thing as being "cheap" but being frugal does not mean you are.  Let me explain.

Once you have minimize your possession to a level you are comfortable with.  Once you opt out of the endless consumerism cycle because you figured out what matters to you, what are your essentials. Once you know where to spend your time and money to be happy and feel fulfilled, you still have to make choices. Life is made up of constant decision making.  Choices to make.

Even though going for only what is essential to you would be nice, it is not always possible.  You still need a roof over your head (most of us do anyway), clothes to dress yourself (again, most of us wear clothes), food to feed your body and then there are utilities like heating or cooling depending where you live, phone, Internet, etc... and sometimes you have a car or other means of transportation. None of this is free, let alone cheap.  Your living expenses take over most of your budget probably.

This is where frugality comes in handy.

Even amongst the inevitable life cost, some choices can be made.  So let's say you have a budget covering all your expenses and you are still "short" somehow.  You miss just a little to design your ideal life but you have no idea where or how to get more money.  And working more or taking a second job is out of the equation as it would leave you with less of the other finite resource: time. You can make frugal lifestyle choices at that point to help you live the life you truly desire without getting a bigger income. It will feel like you have more money available for what you truly care for.

But you'll have to make choices.

Thoreau said "I make myself rich by making my wants few".

Frugality is a little about that...

For example, when my husband I decided that I would retire last February, we looked at out budget and the impact my small income would have on it. We looked at how much money we would need for doing what we really care for:  going for coffee regularly, camping and enjoy nature. We were not "short" by very much but we decided to move into a "cheaper" apartment as we care for a clean and safe place but not luxury, we started using the car less to save on gas, we cut out Internet service during summer, we eat out much less and spend less in coffee shops and we buy less clothes!  All those dollars saved here and there adds up and it gives us enough to go camping a lot more and spend more time on vacation. Only those decisions/choices we made added up to about 3000$ saved!

We also started looking at out food budget.  We like to eat healthy but we do not care so much about it otherwise.  So we used many ways to save on our grocery bill.  This will actually be the subject of my next blog post. But I can say that we decreased our food budget (including toiletries and household products) from around  1000$/month to 600/month did freed up more money.  The fact that my son is only there part time now does help... but still.

We looked at our electricity bill and lowered it by about 10%.  By being smarter about using my oven, by not using a hair dryer now that I shave my hair, by lowering the heating at 15C during the night and when we are not home, by not taking as many baths to warm up at night but rather use a hot water bottle tucked into blankets and wear a hooddie, by unplugging anything that is not being use (phantom electricity is expensive), by using less "lights" at night...  all those add up to!

You see?  You can look at where every penny goes and think it through.  Even though you need food and electricity, you can make miracles and save there also! Not only in the fun stuff.

This is being frugal.  Even though it most often has a negative connotation, it simply means that you watch where your money goes... and adjust as necessary to re-direct it as much as possible towards what makes you happy! And we are back to essentialism and minimalism.

So the way I see it, to be a happy minimalist you kind of need to understand essentialism... and frugality helps you have the same amount of money go an extra mile... or two!

But in the end, what really truly matters is that you are satisfied with YOUR life and that you live it the way YOU want.  Not the way someone else intended you to live to bring more money into their pockets and leave you feel miserable. And that you are not enough.  Or that you do not have enough.

Because you are.  And you do.  More than enough.

What does your dream life look like?  Your actual dream life? Do you even know? Did you figure it out yet or not quite?

if you liked what you read, please share,
Chloe 💜&✌

THE question

On February 8th, it will be a year that I am retired.

THE question I get asked the most: " But aren't you bored? You are so young and your husband is still working..."

THE answer:  NO! Not at all!!!

I am not bored...  How could I be?

Quite frankly, when I decided to stop working because we could afford it, I was a little scared. Even if I had wanted that for almost 5 years.  I was only 45 and ever since I had been 8 years old, I have had quite a busy schedule!!!

I started having busy days quite young - maybe around 8 or 9.  I will not go into details with my schedule, it might bore you, but between private school with lots of homework and many, many hours of figure skating, I was basically left with Saturday and Sunday afternoon to myself. Summer were a little less busy but I was still figure skating every night of the week!

Then I turned 16 and added work to this already busy schedule.  Then University...  and "adulting"!

Working full time, owning a house, having a kid and all the "normal" stuff.

It seems like I never really took a breath before I got laid off at the age of 34! Then on and off work as my job was the kind of job that are permanent on paper but always the first one to be laid off.  No one wants to pay for training...  even though they all know it is pretty huge requirement for efficacy - and a requirement in most places!

Every time I would be laid off, I would enjoy unemployment SO MUCH!!!  Seeing all the possibilities... all the open doors!  BREATHING!!! Until reality stroke and we needed money! So I would go back to work!

The last time my contract ended (October 31st 2013), I swore to myself I would not go back to work full time in a cubicle... not even in an nice office with a door! I would do anything not to have to do that. I had no idea how I could do that but my husband and I talked about it and figured it out!  Slowly but surely...  Yes, I had to go back to work, but never to an office!  Never full time.  This is when I learned to be a barista and a waitress. Two jobs I never had before, not even as a teenager.  I enjoyed both those positions very much.

Working part time was already a blessing...  and in a job where you clock in and out!  Wow!  What a relief!  No responsibilities, not work to be done at home, no deadline to meet. I could SLEEP! I could BREATHE!  And I have discovered life...  discovered the joy of being able to enjoy a snowstorm with my son while eating freshly baked cookies... and watching a movie at 11am on a Tuesday - because there is nothing else that needs to be done really! Discovered how time spend at supper can be relaxing and an amazing connecting opportunity with my son and husband when it can be just that: supper! How not having to multitask to take care of the home, the laundry, the food, the shopping makes each and every of those tasks more enjoyable! How time with my love is more meaningful when doing things other than splitting chores all the time.

Mindfulness.  In everything.  All the time.  Breathing.  It was possible!  Still needed to stop the hamsters up there in my brain but worked on it.

And with a little more work on our finances and our "needs", we became "rich" and I could afford to stop working completely.

I was so EXITED!!!  But I had no idea what was awaiting me.

It has been what I expected and so much more...

I though I was breathing already. I thought I was mindful.  I thought I was sleeping well.

Well it was nothing compared to now!

Over the last year, I have learned to appreciate each minute of the day, each seasons for what they are.  I have had time to watch numerous sunrises and sunsets, clouds in the sky, stars, and moon cycles... I have enjoyed the life coming back in the spring by actually seeing the buds open up into leaves slowly, every single day changing a little... and then those very same leaves change color and fall...  I have seen rain and sun, snow and ice... I have learned to just observe the birds and the trees... the changing shape of a cloud... the pattern of nature, be it daily or seasonal.  It is an amazing dance... with everything happening at the right time and for the right reasons...  it is all intertwined.  Perfectly.

I have discovered that us too, as Human, have different needs in sleep and food as the season changes... but unfortunately, when we are in the rat race to success, we cannot acknowledge those and our health and well being suffer from this.

It has brought me closer to nature. We are all part of the same nature, the same planet.  We can feel so disconnected at times in our busy life... as if there were Humans and Nature.  Whereas Humans are part of Nature.

The sentence "Nothing you do really matters but everything does" has a whole new meaning to me.  I get it now.

By deepening my mindfulness, by increasing my meditation and yoga practice I have become more connected to my own body and mind and as a result to nature in general. My "need" and my "wants" are fewer than ever. I am quite content with hearing a bird sing, looking at a rainfall or a snowflake .

By reading a lot more, I have more knowledge and more and more connections are being made in my brain between different subject and it changed my perspective on life in general, but more importantly my perspective on my life. It changes my interaction to my surrounding and my environment.  It affects every decision I make...  I am more aware of how anything has an impact on everything.

The flap of a butterfly wing in the East can cause a hurricane in the West.  And so much more.

It has made me a better Human.  More aware of the impact of everyone of my actions... big or small.

All this time as allowed me to figure out who I was deep down. It was more in some ways and so much less in others.  It was interesting.  It was scary.  It was the best thing that ever happened to me.

And now, I can keep on going... I have no time for, nor any desire to go back to work.  Life is so much more than work when you can afford it and are willing to do it. I still am working on myself.  Is it the project of a lifetime.  I am grateful to be able to do it.

My days are neither long, nor boring.  I wake up, do meditation, yoga, have a small breakfast and go for a walk.  Upon my return I have tea and write or read.  Then my husband gets up (he works overnight), and we enjoy an afternoon together - going for a walk or a coffee, reading talking, making plans, going to the library or grocery shopping.  I make supper and then we eat and he goes to work.  The rest of my evening I knit, read and watch Netflix (a little too much but I am working on it!). Chores are done in between all of this...  and it just flows. Effortlessly...

I am not going back to work. And I am not getting bored.  There are still so many things I wish to do, learn...

Life is SHORT!
Enjoy it as much as you can...
Even if you can just cut your hours... or change job!
There is more to life then making money!

Are you thinking about early retirement?
Would you stop working if you could?
What do you have to do for it to happen if this is what you truly want?

if you liked what you read, please share.

Chloe 💜&✌

New life project and February challenge

Hello lovely readers!

Well one month is gone already! You can see how it went here. Before I expand on our life project changes... let me start with challenges for February.

February challenges.

This month challenge is to read 8 books cover to cover... I knitted a lot in January and I will give a break to my hands.  I will work my brain this month.

I took all those books (in the above picture) from the library in January in preparation for this month. There are 12 on the picture and 1 more I am currently reading (which I forgot to add to the pile prior to taking the picture).  I started it yesterday. From those 13 books, I have to read 8 of them at a minimum.  I am hoping I can do more than that...  it will mean less knitting of course but also less Netflix. I can knit while watching Netflix but not so much read! They are anything from biographies, self development and novel...  old and new! At the end of the month, I will share the list I completed with you.

Also, as I mentioned in my last post, I have a remaining amount on my credit card which I wish to pay ASAP. I think I can do it by the end of the month.

Obviously keep working on my savings and put at least 10$ in my Emergency fund (EF) account just to get it started!

I am also hoping to decrease my coffee shop budget just for this month.  This saved money would go into my EF.  And catch up on my food budget which was a lot more than expected in January.  My tracking and trending of prices and frequencies of buying a given item will allow me to come up with an annual food budget rather than a monthly as it tends to vary a lot, so it seems, season to season.

And now, the bulk of this post...

New life project and it's impact on our authorized expenses list.

As you may or may not know, my husband and I had a goal for in 3 years.  This was the reason why we came up with this year's project - basically a non-spend year.

I never clearly mentioned what it was as we had to dig further and look into the feasibility of it.  As it turns out, we realized around mid January, that the way we had planned on doing it was ''illegal'' in Canada. We wanted to get rid of everything and live in a van to tour North and possibly South America. That simple.  And would we be south of the border, we could do it.  Not here. 

In Canada, as per the laws, to keep your Medicare and pension plan you have to have a fix address (it can be a house, an apartment, a room or a camping site) that you pay for a year to live in/at.  You have to actually live there 5-7 months out of the year, depending on which province you choose. Now, this would add to our cost of living.  Even if we choose to only take a room somewhere, the cost would be around 300$ minimum and living in a room both of us would not be so much fun...  so we'd have to go for a camping site or an apartment - in both cases, a yearly lease, comes up to around 700$ per month!  To live in 5 months!!!  It adds up quite fast.  We wanted to do this to save on living expenses...  not to increase living expenses. As a result we have to find an alternative to travelling. 

The only thing we came up with that would be acceptable to both of us would be to remain in an apartment - not quite sure where yet.  Possibly change from province to province as we cover more territory... details are irrelevant at this point as it is too far away.

This made us realize that if we are to remain in our apartment, we need to improve it on a very minor level...  which had an incidence on our budget.  We decided that we needed a couch.  For 5 years we haven't had a proper couch (except for a 6 months period but that is a long story!).  Recently, we have been using my son's futon.  There is nothing less comfortable.  I actually rather sit on the floor.  Which I do a lot, even when we do have a couch!  I am a huge fan of sitting on the floor.  Always have been. But sometimes, a comfy couch is quite nice to relax in.  As a result, we have revised our "Authorised expenses list".

Authorized expenses list revision (yes, again!).

The main reason is the fact that our life project is changing but also after a month of extreme frugality, we both realize that we love that.  And the authorized expenses we had left a little too wide open just in case need it (or freak out) has to be tighten a little more.  So you will see that even though I am adding a couch in there, I am also making it more strict in so many other ways.

Here is the list as it stands now.

For the last revision, if you want to have a look at it, click here.  It was becoming complicated to keep all 3 versions of it for the sake of clarity.

1) Budgeted life expenses like rents, utilities, food, toiletries, coffee shop, car related expenses.

   

Yes, we have a coffee shop budget - it is important to us and aside from walking in nature and reading books from the library, this is another hobby we have and the only one that cost us money. 

2) Usable stuff

     a) candles, incense and essential oils

     b) notebooks to replace filled ones - reading books from the library, I do take notes. Lots of them.

3) Razor for my husband - looking for one more sustainable and ecological to replace an old one.

4) Love seat. 

5) Camping /Hiking

    After working on what we actually need to make this happen the way we want to, we made lists my husband and I of what our ideal camping/hiking trips would need. There are quite a few items to be added to our current gears as we are new to those activities but we listed 7 items we absolutely need for this upcoming season.  We started shopping for them to look into prices and sales. 

- bigger tent for camping : this is actually a replacement of our current one but  I wish to list it still

- new sleeping pad for myself - the one I have is way too bulky and useless...

- bear keg to store food while hiking overnight

- quick dry towels

- pillow for myself - I bring my home pillow but it keeps moisture/humidity and stinks

- walking sticks for my husband hiking/backpacking trips

- cooler - to store food while camping

6) tattoos - one each - we have been planning those for a while...

7) tanning bed - essential for me with MS as it is the best source of Vitamin D in the winter when you live up north like I do. - I really do not go that much and only 3 months per year ( February to April) and once or twice a week.

8) Knitting and embroidery material - I have no "stack" to use up as I buy as I need and when I post my monthly challenges, you will see why I need to allow this.

9) Outings - we are allowed to

     a) go to restaurants for celebration, when on a day trip or special occasions 

     b) go camping - as much as we want and can afford to! This is our dream life!!!

10) We can buy gifts for other people and accept gifts.  However, between each other, we cannot buy gifts for any reason - that is something I could see us doing!  We can only buy gifts for each other on our birthdays, Valentine's day, mother/father's day, our anniversary and for Christmas. And there again, keeping in mind that any money spend on that that is not "perfect life goal oriented" will slow us down...

11) Finally, because our house is already filled with barely the minimum, aside for clothes for me, we can replace what brakes down if we can't do without.  This of course, will be a judgment call.

Clothes for me are still off limit!!!  NO worries. 

Hopefully, there will be no more changes to our plan and I am done revising this list...

As a side note, I would like to say that this challenge, and the preparation for it which started in December, actually is bringing my husband and I even closer! It is awesome to see what having to communicate better and work as a team can do!!! 💜💙💚

How did your first month go?  Anything needs to be adjusted for the remainder of the year?

If you liked what you read, please share.

Chloe 💜&✌

1 down, 11 to go of my Year of tying up loose ends!

Knitted baby blankets and Mason jar sleeves

And an extra baby blanket in the making...

Well, the first month is almost over. Let me summarize it for you as a LOT happened!!!

Monthly challenge

First of, if you remember, for every month I have a specific challenge to help me tie off those loose ends.  They are there to make me take a step forward more deeply into the life I want to live.  My challenge for January was one of doing something good for someone I love very much.  For that reason, I have set up to knit 4 baby blankets and 4 mason jar sleeves for him to use as sell items as a mean to raise money for his humanitarian trip to Africa. I have knitted 6 mason jar sleeves and 4 baby blankets.  I have one more on the go and I plan on finishing it before tomorrow night and most definitely before his fundraiser event.  I may even be able to throw in a few more sleeves...  

On the side of that, I also knitted a scarf for myself.  It was a project of creation - to do something different not following any pattern but rather my "feeling".  I have shared this scarf o Instagram (it is the orange one) and I am quite content with the end result. 

In the end, it was a lot of yarn and stitches for this month but I really did appreciated it. It might have given me an idea but more on that later then my idea has actually turned into something. 

Financially

It is also a non spend year...  the goal is to learn to direct my money into what I really care about and stay away from impulse buys or just buying because I am bored...  or anxious... or the weather is bad! Ultimately, I am thinking that knowing that I already have enough money to live the life I want, there is nothing preventing me to live it - except for the fact that my money comes in but goes out just as fast... and not necessarily where I would want to deep down. For that reason, I have shared with you before a list of authorized expenses and a list of items I am not to buy. 

So far, we followed our budget (a few more words on this later). We did not buy anything on the "Authorized expense list" either. No restaurants, no day trips.  Nothing! Of course, there are 2 more days to the month and I will post the final picture on Instagram on February 1st. 

We did go over our food budget. I started looking into it as I kept all my bills.  The main reason is my son had dental surgery - removing all 4 of his wisdom teeth - and as a result, he needed food that I do not typically buy.  Perhaps I could have done some of it from scratch and it would have been cheaper... but I did not. Also, it was a longer month, and overall my pantry was quite empty from November and December where I was trying to empty it.  I went over my food budget by 40%.  However, my pantry is now well stock and I started monitoring prices and frequency at which I buy my main ingredients (rice, oatmeal, beans, flour, etc...).  I am hoping it will allow me to better plan my food budget and find "where-to-buy-what-for-cheaper". Food in Canada is quite expensive and there are not many ways around it but with minor price variation and better planning of my food shopping, I may be able to do better.   I am hoping to save 10-15% in February. 

As for our coffee shop budget, we did AWESOME!  We only used 87% of it!  I am really happy about this one!!!

As a result of us being really good with our money, we have managed to pay off 84% of our last debt.  This is huge.  Next month, this will be over with. And we should start seeing some emergency fund money appear!  We have each opened a new saving account for that sole purpose:  Emergency fund money. Yay! We also each have money in our regular savings account - that can be use as discretionary money for ANYTHING we want. Authorized or not. It is in our budget - allowance basically.  But for December and this month, we both saved all of it. 

Life wise

Honestly, not shopping in January was easy.  The weather was not very good and I really did not feel like going out or hang out at the mall...  It is not one of my weakest month.  Spring and fall are.  We'll see then how I handle it.  Plus I am not one to shop on-line believe it or not.  I rarely do.  It stresses me out.  I have, back in November, bought a few clothing items on-line for the first time but got caught be custom and had to pay taxes!  I am not doing that again anytime soon!  The only other thing I may buy on-line, from time to time, are books from Amazon, but books are off-limits for this year! Adn even then, I rarely buy them anymore since I have discovered my public library! 

Also, after further investigation, we came to the realization that this project we had set our mind on for when my husband retires is actually not "legal" in Canada the way we had planned on doing it. So we'll have to look into alternatives... we identified a few but it will end up being a little more expensive and as a result my husband decided to work a few extra years...  As a result, we may allow more money for vacation for the reminder years but this is all up for discussion at this point.  Once we are actually settle on something I will let you guys know. 

I started studying to get my driver's license back.  I had let it go a few years back as driving in the city was really stressful and we no longer had a car so I did not see the point in paying for something stressful I could no longer do unless we rented a car.  Plus in Montreal, it is quite easy to get by without a car.  Here in Dieppe, it is a little more challenging to be car free - for example, my husband's work is not accessible by public transit and there are not apartment within walking distance, the bike if off limit about 5 months of the year -  so we bought a used car which we paid cash for, and now I would like to have my license back.  Not really to drive around so much, as we almost only used the car for my husband to go to work, but mostly for when we go on trips!  We could cover more distance in less time being 2 drivers! 

Last but not least, I did reserve our few first few camping trips for this year:  One week end in June as a couple and 9 nights in July where I will be alone for 5!  I am really looking forward to the start of this new camping season and more specifically for this long stretch of 9 nights.  I have never spend that many nights in a row camping and I have never been alone camping!  I just can't wait!!! 

So this was my January.

Eventful but so rewarding!!!

How did your month go???

Please share if you liked what you read! 

Chloe 💜&✌

Every blogger's nightmare

I long debated whether I should write about this or not...
After all, not my typical blog post... but, I think it may be useful to new bloggers out there or people thinking of starting up a blog.

There is an "every blogger's nightmare" out there.
And it is not whether or not you will be successful, the number of readers you will have and if you can ever make money out if it!

It is: Internet trolls!

They are actual real people who spend hours reading blogs every day and post comments. Nasty comments. Hurtful comments. Anonymously of course. Their sole purpose is to engage you in a virtual fight or argument. They feed of your response.

I am not talking about people expressing their opinion with an open mind and wanting to discuss things openly with you or questioning your own opinion. And using their identity to do so. I am talking about  the random person, expressing themselves with not so nice words and anonymously.

The type of comments that just hurt. With no positive side to it whatsoever.

For example: "you blog is boring, you talk about "x" all the time, you are obsessed with "y", you have no background in "z", you need help... those kinds of comment.

We all experience them at one point.
They hurt. They make you question whether you should write or not.

But just like in the picture, let them go up in smoke!

Fortunately, you can screen them. On every blog you have the option to approve comments before they get published... at first I didn't use that option because my crowd is a "silent " one who'd rather sent me private messages than publicly comment. Until I got my first troll visit...

Unfortunately, using this feature,you still read them, see their content and it hurts. Be the nicer one and just hit "delete", ignore and DO NOT REPLY. They feed off your reply and if you do publish or reply there will be more of it...

Ignore... move on. Let it go up into smoke.

Remember that blogs are personal... it is your voice, your opinion, your experience that you share. It is helpful to some, and at a bare minimum to you if you take time to do it, so keep on writing. You will find your crowd. And what matters most is the benefit you get from it: be it just that you love writing or that it clears up your mind.

And of course you will write about the same "thing" all, the time... your blog as an objective, it is a life process, something you care about... whether it is nutrition, health, finance, minimalism, frugal living, yoga, hockey, chest, board games, fashion, game console, books, camping... you will talk about what matters to YOU. It is your blog.  No one has to read it. If they don't like it, they can read the next one.

Internet is an amazing place that can fit everyone's need and allow free speech. Use it. To help others, not to hurt people.

Just ignore the trolls.
Be the bigger person.
Own your shit.
Do you.
Amazing you.

In the end, that is all that really matters. 💜

Please share to people who you think might benefit from that...

Chloe 💜&✌

Why I need to be strict with my shopping

When I decided to launch a year long shopping ban I was quite confident I could do this. 

I knew it was "The Year" I would finally get over my shopping addiction for good. I was decided. And still am.

I have been battling this for so long now...  it started back in 2011 when I started this blog. This is the link to a very short post introducing my first ever shopping ban. I was new at writing but still I think a few articles are worth having a look... if you wanna see how much I changed! 

A little background.

Long story short, this year long turned into a little over 6 months... and my authorized expenses where rather a large grey zone... I never attempted another year long before this year.  But I did attempt different lengths of shopping ban and they were always more or less successful. Honestly, looking back, I simply think I was not there yet.  I had so many other issues to address first.  And I was not aware that it was such a big issue for me.  I thought that being a shopaholic thing was just a fun book/movie concept! 

However, with time, digging through all my issues and dealing with MS and the effect it had on my overall well being I have changed.  I discovered Yoga and it opened up so many doors...  

And I eventually had to admit I was a shopaholic. Period. There was no way around it.

Still at the time I "discovered" it, I was not ready to heal that. So I controlled it the best I could.  It did get better because I no longer wanted to go into debt to buy stuff.  I smarten up. But still, spending every extra penny I had on stuff was not making me happy as it was setting me back on my ultimate objective of camping a lot more and discovering the world. 

What did it for me.

In 2018, I decided to quit working.  Completely.  Retired. February 7th was my last day of work. I was only 45 but it had been a dream of mine to retire very early and concentrate on Life instead of work.

It was a challenging year that made me become financially "dependant" on someone else - which I had never been. It also brought about a lot of questioning about myself, my life purpose and so much more.  I had more time than ever to meditate, do yoga, read, write, walk, reflect...  and it was eye opening. I have learned more about me in 11 months than I did in the many years before that. So it seems. 

I have resolved latent issues.  Discovered what I really care about in life, what matters to me. I had time to try many things and see what did or didn't work. 

I have finally assumed myself.  My weirdness... my difference... and it feels great to be who I wanted to be.  To be who I was meant to be. The good and the bad.  All of it.

And this is why I was ready to address my shopping issues. 

Because in all those months, discovering what really matters to me, made me want to have the funds to actually do it. 

When I wanted to stop working, my husband and I looked at our budget and figured it out. We made compromises. It didn't just happened.  We both agreed this was the best thing for me, for us and we worked to get it.  Together. 

When I discovered what I wanted to do with my free time - meaning week ends and vacation and eventually  when my husband retires, I also realized that my husband had a similar vision.  Not exactly the same but not so different that it couldn't work.

So we started looking at our budget once again. We decided we could do something about the food budget and the coffee shop budget. So we did.  I started by addressing the stupid amount of food we were wasting weekly for lack of proper planning and then refined how we ate to a simple meal plan of a handful of recipes that we eat over and over again.  Neither of us really care about the food we eat as long as it is healthy, cheap, simple and vegetarian. Neither of us care for spending hours in the kitchen or hundreds of dollars on expensive food. By doing this, we saved about 30% on our food expenses.  As for the coffee budget, we just decided it was enough. We wanted to do other things with the money. After all that, we came to realize that we have enough "extra" money every month to allow us to live the life we want to have. 

Again, working together in the same direction is much easier...

However, the money was not there.  Technically, it was.  Practically, every single month we were using every penny we had.  It would have been suppose to add up in the savings account but it wasn't. It became obvious to me that I needed to stop shopping for stuff but mostly clothes.  I needed to end the endless shopping- wearing-donating cycle...  It became obvious that although I still like clothes and having a certain look, it don't need that many pieces...  I could get away with a lot less.  And as for food, perhaps having a few pieces I love very much and wear all the time was not at all bad if it allowed me to go camping and travel. It all came down to priorities.

This is why I decided to finally address being a shopaholic.

Priorities.

What matters to me most is not having a wardrobe full of clothes and needing to change twice a day to wear all of them but rather owning less clothes, that I wear until they are no longer good and then get other ones... there will always be clothes I like somewhere. Even if fashion changes every season, there are tricks to finding clothes you like: some store are pretty consistent in their styles, you can also use thrift stores and one of my favorite trick is to get something that is OK and jazz it up!! 

Use it up. Wear it out. Make it do. Or do without. 

This works for everything.  Even clothes. 

And this is why it will work this time.

Because I am ready.

Because I want it to work.

Because I have other, more meaningful priorities. 

However, unlike one of my dearest friend suggested, I cannot allow myself a day per month to just let go...  she suggested I do that to avoid feeling miserable. It was really tempting... and I did think about it overnight.  But nights are always when my good ideas come and it told me not to give in.  Not to be tempted.  Not to make an easy out for myself.  It had never work for me.  Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better - I know it does.  I might feel miserable but I have to figure another way than buying clothes to get over it.  It is too easy otherwise.  Nothing ever worth it is easy.

I want to travel, I want to go camping more.  I need to make it work. No one can do it for me.  No one should. 

Allowing myself one day where I could buy clothes could be catastrophic! I know I could very well spend all I saved in that one day.  And then I would be back to square one.  I don't want THAT.  

No one can cure an addiction by being permissive.

If  I feel shitty, I have to find something else than buying clothes to feel better.

My options are:

doing yoga/meditating

reading

writing

knitting

drawing*

working on my Sanskrit*

*those last 2 are a new found hobby... I combine drawing with words and Sanskrit terms in my own specific way and I quite like the results! 

And if everything else fails, I do have a couple of people I know I can text or call pretty much anytime of the day and they will talk me out of my need to buy something! 

I am now on day 24 of my shopping ban.  Quite frankly, I have no need for shopping or clothes... and I did not buy anything in January. We are having a pretty good month so far. I will update you on that next month as January comes to an end! 

I am strict. I know it might be hard.  I know there might be some struggles even though I did not encounter any yet.  But I know it works.  It is the only thing that really works: DISCIPLINE. 

If you too are in any sort of challenge for this year, what is your biggest struggle?  What is your safety net? Do you have accountable person you can count on? 

If you liked what you read, please share... 

Chloe 💜&✌

What defines who you are

What defines who you are?  Have you ever asked yourself this question?

Labels

There are so many labels around...  you can find labels to define who you are, or who you think you are so easily. You already know that I am not to found of labels. You can read about it here but essentially I find they are diminutive and restrictive...  you can be so much more than that if you become who you were meant to be. Labels, groups, can serve as inspiration but you should aim for more than conformity.

I am not going to lie... for years, I have identified to labels, especially when I was lost and confused about who I was. It was easy, comforting and gave me a sense of belonging. After all, if I am a vegan or vegetarian, a minimalist, a knitter, a reader, a writer, a yogi... it gives me people I can identify with.  People I can relate too. People who are like me, therefore proof that I am "right". Right?

What hides behind labels

However, in the long run, the more I tried fitting into those groups, the less I wanted too.  The feeling of belonging changed into a feeling of not being good enough. I could always find someone that was a better vegan, a better minimalist or a better yogi than me.  Someone who wrote better... or read faster... So I was right back where I started...  feeling not good enough and hence looking for where I could be good enough. 

What if I was already good enough?  What if there really is no group I can fit in 100%? What if I was at a point where I no longer needed to be defined by a single word?

What if I assume my given rights to be free to be who I want to be?

What if I used my gut feeling to judge for myself what is right for me? 

Would I loose anything doing so?  Would I gain something?

For sure I would not loose a sense of belonging...  because quite frankly, no matter how hard I tried, I was never comfortable around anyone who claims to be 100% anything! Life is never that simple.  There are all colors, all shades of grey.  

And life is not a competition... I do not need to be a better vegan, or a better minimalist, or a better yogi...

What I am is good enough as long as I am comfortable like that. 

I started listening to my actual needs

My body, mind, spirit talks to me in so many ways... it tells me what it likes and doesn't like.  It tells me what makes me happy or not.  It is all in there... buried deep down behind all that life long conditioning I got.  I just needed to listen. (And by the way, so do you!)

And little by little I crafted myself... I became who I was suppose to be all along.  I am not quite sure I am 100% there. But then again, can you ever be 100% anything, even yourself?  Isn't it a life long process as things change all the time?  I know there are more conditioning that need to be broken down...  I know I need to work a little more on self love and acceptance... and this will ultimately, let me be, with no fear of judgment, no fear or being alone, no fear of not being loved for who I am. 

It is actually not that hard to find out what agrees with you or not.  Just quiet yourself.  Do things alone and in silence.  You will know.

This is what I did.  And it was a great realization...

What defines who I am is actually what I do most of the time

(However, I am not saying your jobs completely defines who you are - I am lucky enough to not have to work...  but still, in some ways, what you do should reflect your inner most values or else you are constantly battling with yourself and that is one of the primary source of "dis-ease")

I like to eat healthy food but no so much cook for extensive period of times so I figured our how to do that: mostly plant based (sometimes eggs)... with a few ingredients and eating the same thing over and over again.
I like to move.  I can't stay in the same place to long. There are so many things to see.  I am not doing it nearly enough right now.  There will be more moving in the near future.
I like to live with the bare minimum... the extra just drives me crazy. Owning very little makes moving so much easier.
I like to practice yoga and meditation.  It calms me.  It makes me feel so much better in my head and in my body.  But I like to practice at home...  so I do that.
I like to read.  So many different things. And sometimes I don't finish a book I do not like.
I like to write.  I have no training in it per say... but it makes me feel good.  So I do it.
I like to knit.  Simple things. Nothing complicated...  and I can't (or won't) follow a pattern.
I like to do bead embroidery - although I am just starting it and I need to work on that skill much, much more - but it brings me peace of mind and allows my creativity to  come out.
And sometimes I combine knitting and beads...
Or add beads to my existing clothes!
I like to walk, by myself or with my love, in our city and listen to the birds, look at the sky and reflect.
I like to go camping - but nothing too wild! I won't carry my backpack all day.  I need a toilet.
I like to be in nature.  No noise. No music.  No Internet.  Nothing but silence and quiet.

Is there a "label" for that?  I don't think so... of course on Instagram I need to use # or no one would ever see my stuff...  so I use a bunch of Hashtags on every post...  all the ones I am aware off that I think define me in some ways...   but I am not pretending to be "perfect" at any of them.  

I no longer want to be perfect at anything.  I use to. Because I thought I was not good enough.

I find perfect is boring - not original.  Perfect is unrealistic in most instances. Perfect puts to much stress. 

I am looking for peace and quiet... this is all that matters right now.

This is what I need to be healthy. 

What do you think?  Do you feel the pressure of labels or are you slowly breaking free of them?

If you liked what you read, please share...

Chloe 💜&✌