What defines who you are

What defines who you are?  Have you ever asked yourself this question?

Labels

There are so many labels around...  you can find labels to define who you are, or who you think you are so easily. You already know that I am not to found of labels. You can read about it here but essentially I find they are diminutive and restrictive...  you can be so much more than that if you become who you were meant to be. Labels, groups, can serve as inspiration but you should aim for more than conformity.

I am not going to lie... for years, I have identified to labels, especially when I was lost and confused about who I was. It was easy, comforting and gave me a sense of belonging. After all, if I am a vegan or vegetarian, a minimalist, a knitter, a reader, a writer, a yogi... it gives me people I can identify with.  People I can relate too. People who are like me, therefore proof that I am "right". Right?

What hides behind labels

However, in the long run, the more I tried fitting into those groups, the less I wanted too.  The feeling of belonging changed into a feeling of not being good enough. I could always find someone that was a better vegan, a better minimalist or a better yogi than me.  Someone who wrote better... or read faster... So I was right back where I started...  feeling not good enough and hence looking for where I could be good enough. 

What if I was already good enough?  What if there really is no group I can fit in 100%? What if I was at a point where I no longer needed to be defined by a single word?

What if I assume my given rights to be free to be who I want to be?

What if I used my gut feeling to judge for myself what is right for me? 

Would I loose anything doing so?  Would I gain something?

For sure I would not loose a sense of belonging...  because quite frankly, no matter how hard I tried, I was never comfortable around anyone who claims to be 100% anything! Life is never that simple.  There are all colors, all shades of grey.  

And life is not a competition... I do not need to be a better vegan, or a better minimalist, or a better yogi...

What I am is good enough as long as I am comfortable like that. 

I started listening to my actual needs

My body, mind, spirit talks to me in so many ways... it tells me what it likes and doesn't like.  It tells me what makes me happy or not.  It is all in there... buried deep down behind all that life long conditioning I got.  I just needed to listen. (And by the way, so do you!)

And little by little I crafted myself... I became who I was suppose to be all along.  I am not quite sure I am 100% there. But then again, can you ever be 100% anything, even yourself?  Isn't it a life long process as things change all the time?  I know there are more conditioning that need to be broken down...  I know I need to work a little more on self love and acceptance... and this will ultimately, let me be, with no fear of judgment, no fear or being alone, no fear of not being loved for who I am. 

It is actually not that hard to find out what agrees with you or not.  Just quiet yourself.  Do things alone and in silence.  You will know.

This is what I did.  And it was a great realization...

What defines who I am is actually what I do most of the time

(However, I am not saying your jobs completely defines who you are - I am lucky enough to not have to work...  but still, in some ways, what you do should reflect your inner most values or else you are constantly battling with yourself and that is one of the primary source of "dis-ease")

I like to eat healthy food but no so much cook for extensive period of times so I figured our how to do that: mostly plant based (sometimes eggs)... with a few ingredients and eating the same thing over and over again.
I like to move.  I can't stay in the same place to long. There are so many things to see.  I am not doing it nearly enough right now.  There will be more moving in the near future.
I like to live with the bare minimum... the extra just drives me crazy. Owning very little makes moving so much easier.
I like to practice yoga and meditation.  It calms me.  It makes me feel so much better in my head and in my body.  But I like to practice at home...  so I do that.
I like to read.  So many different things. And sometimes I don't finish a book I do not like.
I like to write.  I have no training in it per say... but it makes me feel good.  So I do it.
I like to knit.  Simple things. Nothing complicated...  and I can't (or won't) follow a pattern.
I like to do bead embroidery - although I am just starting it and I need to work on that skill much, much more - but it brings me peace of mind and allows my creativity to  come out.
And sometimes I combine knitting and beads...
Or add beads to my existing clothes!
I like to walk, by myself or with my love, in our city and listen to the birds, look at the sky and reflect.
I like to go camping - but nothing too wild! I won't carry my backpack all day.  I need a toilet.
I like to be in nature.  No noise. No music.  No Internet.  Nothing but silence and quiet.

Is there a "label" for that?  I don't think so... of course on Instagram I need to use # or no one would ever see my stuff...  so I use a bunch of Hashtags on every post...  all the ones I am aware off that I think define me in some ways...   but I am not pretending to be "perfect" at any of them.  

I no longer want to be perfect at anything.  I use to. Because I thought I was not good enough.

I find perfect is boring - not original.  Perfect is unrealistic in most instances. Perfect puts to much stress. 

I am looking for peace and quiet... this is all that matters right now.

This is what I need to be healthy. 

What do you think?  Do you feel the pressure of labels or are you slowly breaking free of them?

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Chloe 💜&✌