This picture is from my wardrobe exactly 5 years ago. On January 2014.
In there you can see what I had decided to wear for my version or a capsule wardrobe for the winter.
There are only 21 items.
My summer clothes were safely put away...
There is no way I was even close to the number of clothes I own today.
My wardrobe history, if only I had taken pictures to prove to you, is like the adventure or someone on a diet for years... with ups and downs! Honestly, in my worse ever, I must have own 300 items of clothing (not that I really counted back then, but it is an estimate both my husband I made independently)! Excluding outer wear, footwear, lounge wear and sports wear! Basically only what I would wear to work or out and about! I was filling up a double closet, an armoire and a 4 drawers chest set... with, obviously, some storage under my bed! This was from 2003-2006. I am not proud of this. At all.
But when I started to heal, in 2007, the Salvation army near my house was very happy!!!
From that time in 2007 when I started to live with less, to the above picture in 2014, it was mostly a decline or steady number of clothes. After my first purge, I slowly let go of a few more items, then bought some and let go and bought., etc.. Always with an overall smaller number of clothes. In January 2014, I was probably at the lowest number of clothes I ever had (aside from January 2016). I was really happy about it too! I didn't have to figure out what to wear... everything matched with everything else... My closet could breathe... and so could I.
What happened between then and today?
Remember, I am now up to 68 items (89 including outer wear and footwear) after a purge of roughly 15 items in November and another 21 on Dec 29th!
Well life... it is clearly an addiction I have! The number has been going up and down between January 2014 and today... It is at a record high however in 5 years. I am not happy about it.
Although I thought I was OK, clearly I was not... I never did break free of the endless over-consumerism cycle. Not for clothes anyway. I buy, wear/or not, give away... lather-rinse-repeat! Endlessly...
Because shopping is what I do when I am bored, sad, happy, exited. It is my way of dealing with my emotions instead of just letting them be. You can't shop away emotions. You need to live them and let them go. Nothing will ever be resolved by buying one more pair of jeans or t-shirt! Not even by buying that super sexy/feminine dress I should own! But will never wear.
By decluttering 36 items over 6 weeks, I have come to realize a few things:
1) some of my clothes were no longer fitting because I had lost weight - still I wanted to hold on to them - not in case I gain the weight back... because I had invested money in them (although most were from thrift stores) and I liked them - as if I could never again find clothes I loved!
2) some were emotional purchases - I could clearly recognize which items were in that situation - items you buy when you are having a bad day! or a good day! or because you really deserve it! -having a great memory is sometimes a curse but it can also be helpful in working through your shit!
3) some were purchase for the "ideal", "better", "good enough", "smart enough", "more sexy", "more feminine" me! A ME that do not really exist... that never did! A ME I do not even wish existed! They were to satisfy expectations I thought people had... to satisfy conditioning I had... to satisfy people that are not even longer in my life! To prove to the world that I am good enough! But the world do not really care in the end...
4) and of course, the "well this is a great deal" purchase! Even though not worn... or worn once... Who can resist that??? No me!!!
And this is how clothes "find their way into my wardrobe"!!!
Because I put them there!
No one else does...
No one forces me to buy anything...
And no one can stop doing it for me!
This is my addiction.
This is my fight.
And it ends now.
One day at a time.
I am now on day 3, and feel fantastic!
Any thoughts? Tips? Tricks?
if you liked what you read, please share...
Chloe 💜&✌
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