When I decided to launch a year long shopping ban I was quite confident I could do this.
I knew it was "The Year" I would finally get over my shopping addiction for good. I was decided. And still am.
I have been battling this for so long now... it started back in 2011 when I started this blog. This is the link to a very short post introducing my first ever shopping ban. I was new at writing but still I think a few articles are worth having a look... if you wanna see how much I changed!
A little background.
Long story short, this year long turned into a little over 6 months... and my authorized expenses where rather a large grey zone... I never attempted another year long before this year. But I did attempt different lengths of shopping ban and they were always more or less successful. Honestly, looking back, I simply think I was not there yet. I had so many other issues to address first. And I was not aware that it was such a big issue for me. I thought that being a shopaholic thing was just a fun book/movie concept!
However, with time, digging through all my issues and dealing with MS and the effect it had on my overall well being I have changed. I discovered Yoga and it opened up so many doors...
And I eventually had to admit I was a shopaholic. Period. There was no way around it.
Still at the time I "discovered" it, I was not ready to heal that. So I controlled it the best I could. It did get better because I no longer wanted to go into debt to buy stuff. I smarten up. But still, spending every extra penny I had on stuff was not making me happy as it was setting me back on my ultimate objective of camping a lot more and discovering the world.
What did it for me.
In 2018, I decided to quit working. Completely. Retired. February 7th was my last day of work. I was only 45 but it had been a dream of mine to retire very early and concentrate on Life instead of work.
It was a challenging year that made me become financially "dependant" on someone else - which I had never been. It also brought about a lot of questioning about myself, my life purpose and so much more. I had more time than ever to meditate, do yoga, read, write, walk, reflect... and it was eye opening. I have learned more about me in 11 months than I did in the many years before that. So it seems.
I have resolved latent issues. Discovered what I really care about in life, what matters to me. I had time to try many things and see what did or didn't work.
I have finally assumed myself. My weirdness... my difference... and it feels great to be who I wanted to be. To be who I was meant to be. The good and the bad. All of it.
And this is why I was ready to address my shopping issues.
Because in all those months, discovering what really matters to me, made me want to have the funds to actually do it.
When I wanted to stop working, my husband and I looked at our budget and figured it out. We made compromises. It didn't just happened. We both agreed this was the best thing for me, for us and we worked to get it. Together.
When I discovered what I wanted to do with my free time - meaning week ends and vacation and eventually when my husband retires, I also realized that my husband had a similar vision. Not exactly the same but not so different that it couldn't work.
So we started looking at our budget once again. We decided we could do something about the food budget and the coffee shop budget. So we did. I started by addressing the stupid amount of food we were wasting weekly for lack of proper planning and then refined how we ate to a simple meal plan of a handful of recipes that we eat over and over again. Neither of us really care about the food we eat as long as it is healthy, cheap, simple and vegetarian. Neither of us care for spending hours in the kitchen or hundreds of dollars on expensive food. By doing this, we saved about 30% on our food expenses. As for the coffee budget, we just decided it was enough. We wanted to do other things with the money. After all that, we came to realize that we have enough "extra" money every month to allow us to live the life we want to have.
Again, working together in the same direction is much easier...
However, the money was not there. Technically, it was. Practically, every single month we were using every penny we had. It would have been suppose to add up in the savings account but it wasn't. It became obvious to me that I needed to stop shopping for stuff but mostly clothes. I needed to end the endless shopping- wearing-donating cycle... It became obvious that although I still like clothes and having a certain look, it don't need that many pieces... I could get away with a lot less. And as for food, perhaps having a few pieces I love very much and wear all the time was not at all bad if it allowed me to go camping and travel. It all came down to priorities.
This is why I decided to finally address being a shopaholic.
Priorities.
What matters to me most is not having a wardrobe full of clothes and needing to change twice a day to wear all of them but rather owning less clothes, that I wear until they are no longer good and then get other ones... there will always be clothes I like somewhere. Even if fashion changes every season, there are tricks to finding clothes you like: some store are pretty consistent in their styles, you can also use thrift stores and one of my favorite trick is to get something that is OK and jazz it up!!
Use it up. Wear it out. Make it do. Or do without.
This works for everything. Even clothes.
And this is why it will work this time.
Because I am ready.
Because I want it to work.
Because I have other, more meaningful priorities.
However, unlike one of my dearest friend suggested, I cannot allow myself a day per month to just let go... she suggested I do that to avoid feeling miserable. It was really tempting... and I did think about it overnight. But nights are always when my good ideas come and it told me not to give in. Not to be tempted. Not to make an easy out for myself. It had never work for me. Sometimes things have to get worse before they get better - I know it does. I might feel miserable but I have to figure another way than buying clothes to get over it. It is too easy otherwise. Nothing ever worth it is easy.
I want to travel, I want to go camping more. I need to make it work. No one can do it for me. No one should.
Allowing myself one day where I could buy clothes could be catastrophic! I know I could very well spend all I saved in that one day. And then I would be back to square one. I don't want THAT.
No one can cure an addiction by being permissive.
If I feel shitty, I have to find something else than buying clothes to feel better.
My options are:
doing yoga/meditating
reading
writing
knitting
drawing*
working on my Sanskrit*
*those last 2 are a new found hobby... I combine drawing with words and Sanskrit terms in my own specific way and I quite like the results!
And if everything else fails, I do have a couple of people I know I can text or call pretty much anytime of the day and they will talk me out of my need to buy something!
I am now on day 24 of my shopping ban. Quite frankly, I have no need for shopping or clothes... and I did not buy anything in January. We are having a pretty good month so far. I will update you on that next month as January comes to an end!
I am strict. I know it might be hard. I know there might be some struggles even though I did not encounter any yet. But I know it works. It is the only thing that really works: DISCIPLINE.
If you too are in any sort of challenge for this year, what is your biggest struggle? What is your safety net? Do you have accountable person you can count on?
If you liked what you read, please share...
Chloe 💜&✌
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