Day 44: Second guessing myself

Life would be so simple if we could be barefoot and naked all the time! 

Although I am not one who is comfortable showing off her body...  but that is another story! 

I am now on day 44 of 365 of "my year of tying up loose ends".

I embarked upon this year to challenge myself and get even closer to the person I am. To stay away, for good from the person I had been told I should be. 

I wanted to deepen my spirituality practice, spark my creativity and refine my finances.  I wanted all those aspects of my life to be more in tune with the life I am designing for myself.  And my future self.

We have had a bad realization: my future self will not be able to live in a van the way I planned to.  We cried. We healed. We adapted. 

My spirituality practice is going somewhere I like...  I am more and more constant in my practice. Although I would like for it to be longer and morning and nights.  I am working on that. Small steps. 

My finances are doing great.  It is amazing what 44 days of not spending money here and there can do! My credit card is almost paid.  My couch is paid. 

My biggest challenge is not buying clothes for a year. I am a reformed shopaholic sometimes still struggling with my relationship to clothes. And this is where I am second guessing myself...

In 44 days, I didn't really think about clothes.  I am truly satisfied with what I own.  I wear all my clothes.  I think I did pretty good at avoiding the post Holiday sales and end of season sales...  I did go to the mall a few times so temptation was there!  And even though I have unfollowed and unsubscribe to anything and anyone who sale clothes, new ones they found their way to me...  sponsoring on social media!  If only I could cut all the publicities on social media?!? Is there a way to do that?

I am confident I can do this.  After 44 days, my desert have been crossed... my new habits formed... I know I have got this under control. I just know. Period.

BUT, do I want to do it? What is it going to achieve? Am I gonna be happier depriving myself of something I really love?  Is it really that bad if I buy clothes reasonably within budget and that I wear them?  What if on top of that they spark joy when I buy them and when I wear them? Is there a better way to achieve my goal and get my addiction under control? After all, people who are addicted to food cannot stop eating completely...  as we cannot walk around naked!  So eventually I will have to buy clothes...  

What should I do?

There must be a better way where I am happy and in control... 

So I went back to think over what are my issues with shopping for clothes:

1) I can do it uncontrollably.

2) It cost a lot of money per usage

3) Is is not ethical in most instances - abusive labor, unsafe working conditions,...

4) Is is one of the most polluting industry in the world (especially with fast fashion now)

Now is there a way I could handle every single one of those issues in a way that I am happy with, that doesn't interfere with the life I want and my values?

1) Perhaps I could set rules for myself.  A fixed amount monthly or per season?  A percentage of my monthly savings? Maybe only buy when someone is with me so I cannot hide it?  Be accountable to someone? 

2) Wear it more - but this would entitle having less... so should I do one in-one out? To insure that I never have too much?  But then how do I choose the item that has to go? Maybe set a number of clothes per season I can have... and as long as I stay within that number I am fine.  But then how do I set that number??? And I need to understand that every piece of clothes I buy takes this much money out of travelling/camping - which is honestly what has got me going so far!!!  I so want to be out in the woods as much as possible this summer!!! What do I love more:  camping or clothes? Or do I love them equally??? Do I really have to pick and choose or can they co-exist in my life?

 Or do I  buy for less: thrift shopping? 

3) Look for ethical sustainable brands.  But they are quite often expensive... and not often my style as far as I know - except maybe for two brands (American Apparel and Prana). And then I need to pay for shipping and there is air travel which is quite non-ecological! So it brings me back to thrift stores...

4) Stay away from fast fashion... and look for more ecological brand.  So I am back at 3)! But then I love H&M...  would doing their Conscious or LOGG lines be acceptable? Am I voicing my concern by doing so? And they do recycle your old textile - as far as I am concerned, they are the only store doing that!  That must be worth something no?  Or just encouraging the fast fashion store? And what about American Eagle and Old Navy?  LOVE those store...  If I buy fast fashion but wear it a LOT!  Is that OK???

This also brings me back to thrift stores! If you buy second hand clothes, you are not using up new resources, you are not encouraging sweat shops by increasing the demand, you are not letting perfectly good wearable pieces go to the landfills...  but then again, you have to find something you love and fits you! It is not always easy!  And what about those items I am not as comfortable wearing second hands, like t-shirts or anything that gets in touch with your armpits? Is it just me or touching someone else's armpit gross??? 

I guess this post doesn't bring any answers... not definite ones anyway!  It seems like I have a lot of thinking to do about all that! 

Obviously, for now, I am still on my clothes shopping ban.  I need to find a suitable solution to my issues... 

Any thoughts? Any one? Please???

 Chloe 💜&✌