I have been mentioning decluterring a lot lately... A LOT!
I have been doing it for the last 11 years on a regular basis. I remember my first attempts back in October 2007 were NOT easy. It took hours... if not days... with tons of tears shed to get rid of only a few items... endless questions... endless "but what if?"... endless "but this was a gift", "this comes from"... and in maybe 2-3 months, I had manage to get my 3 bedrooms apartment (which we moved in from a 2 storey house and 3 kids, after having hold this huge garage sale filling up our 4 car driveway) into an acceptable home. It was still very crowded now that I come to think of it but at least we could walk around without constantly bumping into something.
This 2-3 months, however hard it had been, opened up the door to more and more decluttering. Eleven years later, this picture up top, shows you my favorite place in the living room (you can see here a list of all that is in my home currently). And I swear, it is not staged. This is what it looks like day in day out. Perhaps with the exceptions of a few books extra on the table when I have just been to the library!
When I left that apartment where I had learn to declutter, I brought with me maybe 80% of what was in it... and I did this every time I moved after - that is 4 more times! There also were a few odd decluttering events every now and then when I panic and cannot breathe! My husband and son find it really amusing when I get into a "I cannot breathe mood"!
If I think of my house, which I did love a lot back then, I probably own 20% of what was in there... but with every item I "lost", I have gained so much more!
What started all this was my initial encounter with Yoga and Feng Shui.
The first as a principle about non-stealing. In Yoga, non-stealing does not only refer to not taking something from someone else's hand or home or store... in ALSO includes an idea I had never heard about... which is that if you own something just to own it, but do not really have any use of it and especially if you do not like it, you are stealing it from someone who could use it and like it but cannot afford it! So by donating the item, or selling it as second hand, you not only improve your living situation but your whole karma. Why hold on to something you have no use for?
The later, made me aware of the fact that every thing has an energy and that stagnant energy is not good for your home and it's inhabitant. It blocks your own energy and can be conducive to developing diseases. Every object or thing or stuff or room you do not use regularly has stagnant energy. This is why, nothing should be stored for years... no room should be vacated or use only on special occasions... you should keep nothing for special occasions... everything needs to flow... move, breathe! Why keep stuff packed away? Do you even know what is in those boxes? And don't even get me started with storage lockers you pay for monthly...
oh and if you moved recently, like a few months back, and still haven't open some boxes, and perhaps stored them as is in a closet or the garage, please consider that you may actually not need them and bring them to goodwill as is...
So, what did I learn? Which tricks/tips did I use to declutter???
1) Have you used it in the last season? Or in the last year for things that are seasonal like Christmas decorations, skates, camping gear, pool equipment... and so on. If not, pass it along...
2) Do you really like it? REALLY? Not because someone gave it to you, or because it has been in your family forever. Because you LIKE it. Do you keep it only in case someone asks you if you still have it? Who does that anyway? If you do not really like it and you have no use for it, you do not have to keep it! You can ask the person who gave it to you if they want it back, if it has been in the family for years, ask another member of the family if they want it. If you are not at ease with any of these, just bring it to a goodwill store of your choice. Someone will like it and be happy to pay less for it...
3) Does the item represent who you are NOW? Does it fit into your current lifestyle? You should not keep items because they remind you of who you use to be... you are no longer that person and that is OK. We move on. Life moves on. Stuff needs to move on too! Is it something you keep because it somehow represent an "ideal" you? Someone you would like to be? Or someone you think you should be? How does it make you feel when you look at it if this is the case? Like you are not good enough? Like you could do better? Why keep something that makes you feel like a failure, like you are missing out, like there is something wrong with you? Everything in your home should contribute to a peaceful state of mind, should create a nice, calm environment. Not stress you out! There are enough around us to create the stress... make your home a sanctuary.
4) If you need to pack up and go, is this something you would bring along and carry with you for however long you need to be up and running? Of course this applies only to personal possessions... you need a bed and dishes in your life, of course you would not carry them with you for weeks... it doesn't mean you can do without in your home. This refers mostly to your clothes, jewelry, books, decorative items, collectibles, etc...
5) If your home was to burn down, and I sincerely wish it never does, what would you replace in it? Would you really buy all that is currently in it or would you take this opportunity to do with less? Do you really need all those television? DVDs? CDs? Books? All the furniture - even the one you never sit in or use? Would you buy another dinning table with 10 chairs - or eating in the kitchen is what you do most of the time? Do you need all that fancy dinner ware and glasses? How many mugs would you buy back? Tupperware? Mason jars? Pots and pans? All the frames, paintings, decorative items? Make up and toiletries? And once you did all this, would you actually move back into such a big house or apartment? Sometimes imagining your life with nothing makes you realize what you really value...
Now, there are a few more tricks that I picked up from different minimalists.
One is for anything you are unsure, just box it up, label it 3 months from the day you close the box and if in 3 months you haven't gone back into the box to look for anything, just bring to goodwill without opening it! This is quite a popular one. Frankly, it doesn't work with me... after a couple of weeks, the thought of having a box dormant somewhere annoys me and I get rid of it.
You can also use the 20/20 rule introduced to me by the Minimalists. If there are an item you are unsure you will ever use again and you could easily replace it in less then 20 minutes for less than 20$, just get rid of it. If the needs arise, you'll replace it. But what if it doesn't? And you keep on carrying this object with you for years for no reason??? This is great for kitchen stuff, office supplies and small items I find.
And last but not least, Marie Kondo uses joy... although it took me a while to understand what she means, if an item doesn't spark joy, don't keep it. I think it makes sense and goes well with what I was saying earlier that your home is your happy place, your sanctuary... nothing that doesn't bring you joy should be in it.
Memorabilia
This is the most difficult category. And every minimalist, essentialist, decluttering specialist will say it: keep this for last! The reason is there are emotions attached to those items. You need to be ready to let them go. You need to have done the work on yourself with the rest of your home before you can even think of looking at memorabilia. You cannot replace them ever if you declutter them and regret it... regrets are not good.
My suggestion for memorabilia is that in time, they will "speak" to you and you will know you can let go... sometimes you will take a picture to remember them and looking at the picture will do the same as holding the object... sometimes, you will be years into your decluttering before you can let go and sometimes you just can't. And that's OK.
Just remember, there is no real need to keep everything everyone you loved ever gave you. Even without the object, you will remember the person and the memories associated with them. It doesn't mean you do not love or respect the person anymore. It doesn't mean you want to forget them. It just mean you trust yourself to remember what you should. It means you are ready to move along and bring memories with you, in your head and your heart, but not the heavy stuff that weighs you down.
A few more notes
Please, please, please, do not keep stuff out of guilt... your own or induced by someone else... Guilt is a very negative energy and as I mentioned before, the object you would keep would carry the guilt and it would slowly poison you whole home...
Same goes for not getting rid of things out of despair or when you are angry...
You have to declutter on a nice day, when you are in a nice mood and take your time. Create an atmosphere with a candle or incense, perhaps your favorite relaxing music. Go at your own pace... it is not a race nor a competition. It took me 11 years to get to a place where I can breathe! And I am pretty sure, this is not over. It is a lifelong process... you do not to prove yourself to anyone. You only need to get better. To feel better. To do this for you. And you only.
I read somewhere that you should use stuff and love people... the opposite never works! Keep this in mind. Stuff is just that: STUFF!
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Chloe 💜&✌
