I lost everything

"I lost everything, I have found myself." Rumi

This is me right beside the Third Vault falls in Fundy National Park, Canada.  They are the highest falls in the park accessible after a moderately difficult hike. But so worth the effort.  Breathtaking. I fell so small... and at the same time where I should be right then.

Over the years, I have, like in the quote above, lost everything. But I found myself... it started years ago... it took a while... but layers after layers, I shedded who I had become to find who I was.

I had to let go of who I had become for the wrong reasons. This was not easy... conditioning made it really hard. From the moment we are born, we are identified to a name, an astrological sign, a religion, a family, a town, a country... and those come with pre-set values and beliefs. But we don't get to choose any of these...

And it goes on for as long as we want it to, or let it. We go to school, make friends, do sports, play music, do art... but how much of this really is our choice? Let's move along... after high school, how many of us freely, consciously choose our next step? We are surrounded by "you should", "you have to", "this is the best option for you"... but is it really? I am not necessarily  blaming the adults we are surrounded by who push those decisions on us, after all, they got the same conditioning.  They think they are doing the best they can...

But something is wrong. Somewhere we got off track... we decided that the only way to be happy was to be successful in a well paying carreer. 

Why do I dare say this is wrong? Why do I go against the most common belief? Well, I base my opinion on my own experience and that of many other adults I have met who are unhappy, lost, feel like something is missing, like there should be more...

I base this on the fact that there are more people on anti-depressant, and stress controlling drugs... more adults committing suicides... we seem to have it all but people are more unhappy and stressed than ever before in our history!

We wake up one day, in our thirthies, forties, fifties or sometimes later and realize we are no where close to where we'd like to be... life went on... and we have a family, a career, money, a fully furnished houses a pension plan, a car or two, savings, yearly trips, a closet full, jewelry, a huge collection of books, movies, etc... We have it all so it seems, but we feel empty!

We are never home because we need to work to pay for it and everything in it!
We use the car to go to work!
We wear the clothes that can be worn at work but not the others we really like, well because there is no time.
We travel to forget work!
We don't have time to read the books because we are working... nor the movies!

And if you have kids, it get's worst! You need even more money and have even less time for you or them!

We make more money but have less...
We live longer but have less time...
We can't enjoy the ride...
But we should as this is really all there is.
There is no real destination. Only life and death.

This is what happen to me... I hear you! Not judging.
But there is another way!!! There is a better way.

I woke up I was 35!
My son was turning 7.

I changed everything... and over the next 11 years, I worked hard on myself... really hard. But I did it! I am now who I thought I would be as an adult...  I lost everything but I found me! I was there lying underneath all the layers of conditioning, layers of "should", layers of "have to"... all squished but there.

And now, life goes on, but I get a say in it. I no longer let other people decide for me because why should they? It is my life.

I own my life.
I am responsible for it.
I love it.

And you? Do you identify with any of this?  Do you feel empty? Tired? Like there should be more? Or have you already done the shedding?

If you like this, please share...

Tks
Chloe 💜&✌