I went home

For as long as I can remember I've been looking for "Home"...
I was not homeless per say... I had a roof over my head.
Nonetheless, I didn't quite get the feeling it was Home.

Every time I would move, and that happens  lot, I would create a sense of home with my furniture, stuff, decor and smell... but something was obviously off as I never stayed in.  I was always out and about, keeping busy...

Only 3 years ago I started getting a sense of what Home feels like and I am getting closer...

To me, Home is where I can be myself... where I do not have to hide or pretend... where I can wear what I want and act as I feel like... a place where there is silence and quietness... a place where I do not have to care what people think as there are no people...

Technically,  by this definition,  I should be able to make anywhere Home.  And I think I can do it now... where I currently live is home (small h intended - not quite right yet) to me now... I am getting there. Working on being Home despite my current reality...

I have to admit that the first time I really did get this "ha-ha moment" where I knew what I was looking for was in the woods!!!

That is where I discovered what I wanted to feel like, what I longed for:

birds singing, trees whispering,  water running, the smell of conifers, a sun light between trees, feeling surrounded, feeling enough... feeling at THE RIGHT PLACE!

Like in the above picture... when I am there, or in a similar place, I just know...

I know everything will be all right, I am good enough,  I don't need anything else... I know my messy introverted curious self is just as good as it gets right now.

I KNOW.

And all my worries, my stress my looking for something else, something better, something bigger just vanishes...

How could it not? Did you see that light? Did you hear that bird? And that water running down? And the smell... OMG the smell...

So, yesterday I went Home for half a day... and returned home after... because this is my life for now and that's OK.  That's enough. In time, I will be Home all the time...

Chloe 💜&✌