Life is pretty messy! And so am I!!!or should I say pretty but messy??? I try and keep it real... because we all need a little more REAL! Enjoy and share xox
Tuesday, September 30, 2014
New season, new wardrobe!
Hello!
first I'd like to mention that my friend Tasmanian Minimalist has interviewed me and the content of the interview is on her blog... you can read about here , and while you're at it, read more blog posts... she is awesome!!!
second... with October starting tomorrow, comes change of clothes! For years now I have been trying to minimalize my wardrobe... with more or less success! I have also wrote about it plenty in this blog! I have tried following Project 333 for a few seasons... try switching up these rules... tried other people's suggestions... with more or less success! What I found in the end it that what works best with me is working with 2 seasons: 1st of October to 30th of April (winter) and 1st of May to 30th of September (summer). We do have 4 seasons where I live but there are no needs for 4 wardrobe as only a few items change between fall and winter and a few more between spring and summer. I can get away well with 2 seasons - even though it accounts for a bigger number of items... total! As number are NOT what really matters anyway, here's my wardrobe, listed below starting today until the end of April! Unlike what I did before, I am actually listing EVERYTHING... that includes outer wear, accessories.... but not yoga clothes (only 2 outfits), lounge wear and socks and underwear... nor does it include jewelry because I basically do not wear much: 3 earrings, 1 chain and sometimes I pile up a few yoga/new age/hippie stuff....
Remember dressing with less is not always easy depending on your lifestyle and work requirements... You'll see that I have a few items in there that I keep for work and/or were bought for work... sometimes I wear them elsewhere and sometimes not. Depending on where you work and their requirement and also on how much you have a variety of activities other then work dring your week, it might be more difficult... but there are always ways... and you CAN do with less! I use to think that it was impossible.... and have hundredS (capital S on purpose) of items in my wardrobe... not including outer wear, shoes or accessories...
Outer wear:
1 corduroy jacket
1 black and brown relax jacket
1 jean jacket
1 rain jacket
1 fake leather jacket
1 winter jacket
3 winter hats for cold to colder weather
3 winter scarves for cold to colder weather
3 pair of mitts, once again, for cold to colder weather
Hand knitted tweed vest
Hand knitted baggy sweater
Total: 17 items
Accessories:
2 plaid scarves
6 more or less fancy scarves - I do wear scarves ALL the time!
3 purses (faked leather red, fake leather beige and one in corduroy with 5th chakra)
1 back pack
1 black material belt
2 belts that came with my 2 dresses
Total: 15 items
Foot wear:
Black converse
Beige ankle boots
Black ankle boots
Rain boots
Winter boots
Leopard sneaker type shoes
Total: 6 items
Actual clothes:
Grey knitted vest
Beige knitted vest
Mustard vest
Turquoise vest
Mustard long sleeve t
Rust elbow sleeve t
Old pink OM t
Beige long sleeve t
Zebra t
White t
2 long sleeve blouse (bought for work but wear elsewhere also)
1 short sleeve blouse (bought for work but wear elsewhere also)
1 long sleeve black t
2 black Polo's (bought and wear only to work)
1 short sleeve black turtleneck (bought for work but wear elsewhere also)
1 long sleeve navy t
1 elbow sleeve stripe t
1 short sleeve navy blouse
1 polka dots burgundy blouse
1 flannel shirt
1 navy skirt
1 long black skirt
1 short black skirt
1 black dress
1 60's type dress
1 corduroy pant (wide wide legs)
2 wide legged jeans
1 skinny jeans
1 black pant
1 black harem pant
1 black velvet leggings
1 black velvet vintage dress
1 black velvet skirt
1 burgundy velvet skirt
Total: 37 items
Grand total of 75 items!!!! Is it to much? Maybe... but I wear all of it! And I LOVE all of it! Could I do with less... most certainly.... I did last winter... Do I think this is reasonable? YES... Because...
I wear all of it all the time
I have no orphan items
Everything easily "mix and match" to create infinite number of outfits
I love each and every items
Each and every items reflect my style... totally!
If everything follow the criteria above, I do not see why I should donate just for the fun of it... or the fun of having a smaller number! Keeping all of it now will result in having less usage to each item and less need to replace them in the long run...
What od you think of that??? DO you target more a number? Do you think I should give away to meet a given number? If I wear everything, do you think I should keep it all?
Remember, living with less is not about a number but rather about surrounding yourself with what you love, reflect your lifestyle and is useful... and my wardrobe is just that!
thanks for reading!
and please share if you like this blog!!!
love&peace,
nath
xox
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Saturday, September 27, 2014
#108 days: week 14
Another week... another post...
Except that as I get closer to the end of my #108daystoanewlife (last day will be October 6th) I realise that only the frame of mind I set myself up to for 108 days makes a HUGE difference in my life... Rules came and rules were out the window... but despite all of that I had wanted to make this adventure special and it sure is...
Besides that, there was not much new this week... I am slowly settling down in my new life and letting myself enjoy it. Of course I had a revelation earlier this week that was a post on it's own and if you missed it, you can read about it here , if you wish too... but besides that there is not much to write.
What this post, from Tuesday, prompted in me were more reflexions and realisations of who I am...
I now know:
1) I am enough - I know this sound "cliche" , but I know what people mean when they say that. For years I tried repeating it to myself and never quite believed it... now I do. Really. And it is amazing to know that I am enough. Just as I am. I do not need to be more and even less try to prove to other that I am more. I love what I do and where I live and the few people I am surrounded with and that makes my life wonderful and that is enough.
2) I have enough - even more then what is really needed. People, including me, until a few weeks ago, always want more... more money... more friends... more activities.... more time... more "like"... more "followers".... nicer cars... nicer furniture... nicer clothes.... nicer homes... nicer everything...
But really, how much of "more" would you really use??? Would you really need? How nice is nice enough? And at what price??? Not only money... but lack of time.... more stress... failed relationship.... By pursuing more, we end up with less... inevitably... think about it...
3) I will be OK. Everything will work out. Because it always does, because I make it so... this is who I am... I have gone through so much in only 41 and some years.... more then I one might have loved to... but then again it made me who I am. Everything happens for a reason and if I was to change only one second of my past, I would not be here and now. Life happens... for a reason... and I make the best out of it... learn and move on. At one point, a wished it my life would get "quiet"... "perfect".... but I know it won't... because this is not what I am after! I love challenges... I love looking for solutions... and thinking out of the box... I love destabilizing my self, and others, and when this is what you choose as a life, you're in for a rough ride! But that's OK!
4) I don't do well with rules. Rules are there to be broken... change is good... stability is not! What ever becomes stagnant dies... somehow. This is why I will not stop questioning myself... and I will not stop trying new things and moving to other places... and start over... because this is life. I do not want to "die"... not now anyway... I have more to do and see and I will... I love to be free... rules imprisons you. No more rules for me.... EVER! Will do things as I feel them... period.
5) It is when I walk that inspiration comes to me to write... I need to take more walks. Riding my bike makes it faster to get somewhere but walking is inspiring. I need to walk alone. I will do it more.
6) People won't change... well MOST won't change... because it is scary... and destabilizing... and most people are not after that. But you know what? That is OK too! I wish I could have "converted" more people to become vegan and minimalist... but numbers do not matter... anymore. The "battle" I chose is not easy... and I met amazing people and great supporters... but also many critics... and that is part of the game (and sometimes support and/critics do not always come from who you would have thought - it can be surprising!) I have learned to ignore criticism... no matter who it comes from. It is my life... and only mine to live and love. I am now concentrating on people that support and love me for who I am and letting go of the others... not fighting anymore. I am letting people who are after the same lifestyle as I am come to me... and join me in my "revolution". Want it or not, when you are going "against" 92% of the population, it is a revolution. And it is not easy. And I am OK with that now.
This was week 14... nothing specific but just lots and lots of thinking and realisation... It felt good to feel things from the last few months and years all come together... Into a wonderful life!
thanks for reading!
and please share if you like this blog!!!
love&peace,
nath
xox
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Except that as I get closer to the end of my #108daystoanewlife (last day will be October 6th) I realise that only the frame of mind I set myself up to for 108 days makes a HUGE difference in my life... Rules came and rules were out the window... but despite all of that I had wanted to make this adventure special and it sure is...
Besides that, there was not much new this week... I am slowly settling down in my new life and letting myself enjoy it. Of course I had a revelation earlier this week that was a post on it's own and if you missed it, you can read about it here , if you wish too... but besides that there is not much to write.
What this post, from Tuesday, prompted in me were more reflexions and realisations of who I am...
I now know:
1) I am enough - I know this sound "cliche" , but I know what people mean when they say that. For years I tried repeating it to myself and never quite believed it... now I do. Really. And it is amazing to know that I am enough. Just as I am. I do not need to be more and even less try to prove to other that I am more. I love what I do and where I live and the few people I am surrounded with and that makes my life wonderful and that is enough.
2) I have enough - even more then what is really needed. People, including me, until a few weeks ago, always want more... more money... more friends... more activities.... more time... more "like"... more "followers".... nicer cars... nicer furniture... nicer clothes.... nicer homes... nicer everything...
But really, how much of "more" would you really use??? Would you really need? How nice is nice enough? And at what price??? Not only money... but lack of time.... more stress... failed relationship.... By pursuing more, we end up with less... inevitably... think about it...
3) I will be OK. Everything will work out. Because it always does, because I make it so... this is who I am... I have gone through so much in only 41 and some years.... more then I one might have loved to... but then again it made me who I am. Everything happens for a reason and if I was to change only one second of my past, I would not be here and now. Life happens... for a reason... and I make the best out of it... learn and move on. At one point, a wished it my life would get "quiet"... "perfect".... but I know it won't... because this is not what I am after! I love challenges... I love looking for solutions... and thinking out of the box... I love destabilizing my self, and others, and when this is what you choose as a life, you're in for a rough ride! But that's OK!
4) I don't do well with rules. Rules are there to be broken... change is good... stability is not! What ever becomes stagnant dies... somehow. This is why I will not stop questioning myself... and I will not stop trying new things and moving to other places... and start over... because this is life. I do not want to "die"... not now anyway... I have more to do and see and I will... I love to be free... rules imprisons you. No more rules for me.... EVER! Will do things as I feel them... period.
5) It is when I walk that inspiration comes to me to write... I need to take more walks. Riding my bike makes it faster to get somewhere but walking is inspiring. I need to walk alone. I will do it more.
6) People won't change... well MOST won't change... because it is scary... and destabilizing... and most people are not after that. But you know what? That is OK too! I wish I could have "converted" more people to become vegan and minimalist... but numbers do not matter... anymore. The "battle" I chose is not easy... and I met amazing people and great supporters... but also many critics... and that is part of the game (and sometimes support and/critics do not always come from who you would have thought - it can be surprising!) I have learned to ignore criticism... no matter who it comes from. It is my life... and only mine to live and love. I am now concentrating on people that support and love me for who I am and letting go of the others... not fighting anymore. I am letting people who are after the same lifestyle as I am come to me... and join me in my "revolution". Want it or not, when you are going "against" 92% of the population, it is a revolution. And it is not easy. And I am OK with that now.
This was week 14... nothing specific but just lots and lots of thinking and realisation... It felt good to feel things from the last few months and years all come together... Into a wonderful life!
thanks for reading!
and please share if you like this blog!!!
love&peace,
nath
xox
http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=734016786
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
What is happening to me...
I am writing this post... not even sure I will hit "publish" and if I do... when will I do it...
I need to write this because I need to understand what is happening to me... and I found over the years that writing does just that...
When I started this blog in January 2011, there was 10 people reading it on good days... and that was OK with me because I was shy of writing... thinking I was not a good writer....
Then I went off and wrote an article for a yoga web site...
And got talked into writing a book... Life Happens ...
Following my book being publish and having got a few good comments, I felt like it was an important book that could change the world... and followind advices from different people, I "created" myself on all social medias... and wrote more and more on my blog... created a Facebook page and tried selling more and more copies... In becoming "public", even to a small scale, I decided I wanted to change the world! And became obsessed with it...
Obsessed with the numbers...
Obsessed with the visible results...
To a point where I lost myself...
To a point where my life was social medias... everything I did was for posting... everything I wrote or tought or saw... had to be social media material... to create more traffic... to attract more people... and get bigger numbers!
And then it was no longer fun... and in wanteing to change the world to "free" people, I became emprisonned in my own dream!
I am still Minimalist Vegan Nath... this name was created because it represented who I was... I could also have thrown in Minimalist Vegan Yogini Nath... but then it would have been too long...
I love that name and what it represent.... and I still wish the world would be different... in a way... but I am no longer blinded by this obsession... Yes I still wish every one would take up yoga (in it's wholeness), became vegan and minimalists...
I truly, firmly believe that THIS would save this planet and give hope to our kids... I truly believe that THIS is the only way... to save oursleves...
I am however no longer obsessed with numbers and social medias... I am no longer obsessed with creating results... and converting people... I have had so many deceptions... and so many dreams shaterred that I decided to concentrate on myself... and my husband and son....
We came to Moncton and everything changed.... in being free from expectations of others... in being distant from eveyone I know... in being able to be me... truly me.... I found who "Me" is.... and who "Me" was all along... And I love "ME"...
And I still wish I could do more... I still wich I could influence more people... and inspire more individual to take up veganism and minimalism... and even though I know this is what will happen if I continue, I know it will take time.... more time then I would have wished for because I cannot market myself good enough... only because I am against marketing in general... therefore I have to go with word of mouth....
and lead by example...
Therefore I decided I would be 100% of the time... 100% Minimalist Vegan Yogini Nath and hope that whoever likes and is inspired will slowly make changes to their life... and perhaps talk about me... and start a cascade.... if I can only change a handful of people, I will have change the world... and that my friends, would be good enough for a nobody!!!
And this is it... and I do not know how many people will read this as it will not be advertise on FB nor Pinterest like I ususally do... if I ever hit "publish"
It is for true fans only I believe...
It is my soul ripped opened!
love&peace,
from Minimalist Vegan Yogini Nath!
xox
I need to write this because I need to understand what is happening to me... and I found over the years that writing does just that...
When I started this blog in January 2011, there was 10 people reading it on good days... and that was OK with me because I was shy of writing... thinking I was not a good writer....
Then I went off and wrote an article for a yoga web site...
And got talked into writing a book... Life Happens ...
Following my book being publish and having got a few good comments, I felt like it was an important book that could change the world... and followind advices from different people, I "created" myself on all social medias... and wrote more and more on my blog... created a Facebook page and tried selling more and more copies... In becoming "public", even to a small scale, I decided I wanted to change the world! And became obsessed with it...
Obsessed with the numbers...
Obsessed with the visible results...
To a point where I lost myself...
To a point where my life was social medias... everything I did was for posting... everything I wrote or tought or saw... had to be social media material... to create more traffic... to attract more people... and get bigger numbers!
And then it was no longer fun... and in wanteing to change the world to "free" people, I became emprisonned in my own dream!
I am still Minimalist Vegan Nath... this name was created because it represented who I was... I could also have thrown in Minimalist Vegan Yogini Nath... but then it would have been too long...
I love that name and what it represent.... and I still wish the world would be different... in a way... but I am no longer blinded by this obsession... Yes I still wish every one would take up yoga (in it's wholeness), became vegan and minimalists...
I truly, firmly believe that THIS would save this planet and give hope to our kids... I truly believe that THIS is the only way... to save oursleves...
I am however no longer obsessed with numbers and social medias... I am no longer obsessed with creating results... and converting people... I have had so many deceptions... and so many dreams shaterred that I decided to concentrate on myself... and my husband and son....
We came to Moncton and everything changed.... in being free from expectations of others... in being distant from eveyone I know... in being able to be me... truly me.... I found who "Me" is.... and who "Me" was all along... And I love "ME"...
And I still wish I could do more... I still wich I could influence more people... and inspire more individual to take up veganism and minimalism... and even though I know this is what will happen if I continue, I know it will take time.... more time then I would have wished for because I cannot market myself good enough... only because I am against marketing in general... therefore I have to go with word of mouth....
and lead by example...
Therefore I decided I would be 100% of the time... 100% Minimalist Vegan Yogini Nath and hope that whoever likes and is inspired will slowly make changes to their life... and perhaps talk about me... and start a cascade.... if I can only change a handful of people, I will have change the world... and that my friends, would be good enough for a nobody!!!
And this is it... and I do not know how many people will read this as it will not be advertise on FB nor Pinterest like I ususally do... if I ever hit "publish"
It is for true fans only I believe...
It is my soul ripped opened!
love&peace,
from Minimalist Vegan Yogini Nath!
xox
Minimalism in your finances - the importance of a budget
OK... now that you have looked at you home, diet, social live and work.... let's take a closer look at your budget... and then you'll be able to make the right choices for you.
OK maybe you didn't follow all my advices and suggestions from the last few posts and are panicking... no worries... You can still read this post and do the work... and go back on the previous ones later on. The only part you'll need the work done from the previous post is the very last part of this blog... but even then, you may be able to answer nonetheless...Now those who know me, may find it funny that I write about money.... after all, 7 years ago I went bankrupt... and up until fairly recently, despite the bankruptcy, I made flaky money decisions... which caused me even more trouble! However, having learn from all of that, I wish to share with you what I have learned and and few "mistakes" you can avoid... although, I do not believe in "mistakes" but prefer to call them lessons or experiences.
In today's world, it is SO easy to spend money! More easy to spend then to make! And even easier to have no clue where the money goes... because we are no longer spending money but rather using all kinds of plastic cards to buy stuff... Now, here's my opinion on all that plastic:
Fidelity card: they are a trap... to be loyal and to get more points, you'll buy stuff you do not need to meet your number of points required for such a date to get such a discount over the next month! What do you do with the discount? Buy stuff you may not need to use the discount! Therefore, you may spend hundreds of dollars to get a 30% discount... which you will use on more items you buy... how many items did you have to buy? Are you really using those? Another down side of fidelity card it that you end up no looking what is available elsewhere and at what price... because you need to get the points! Ditch them all!!!! I have no fidelity card at all in my wallet... no points card either...I shop where and when I want for what I really need... No one can force me to go to a given store to get a future discount! Not anymore anyway... I use to have lots of fidelity cards!!! I do not even want to begin to think at how much moeny went down the drain because of my "addiction" to get points to get discounts!
Auto-reload cards for a specific store (especially restaurants and coffee shop): Those can be useful if you always get your coffee on your way to work at the same place... but only set them on auto-reload directly from your bank account - NOT A CREDIT CARD! This way you will know exactly how much is spend weekly or monthly on you daily coffee and snacks. If you use them that way, almost become cash anyway...
Credit Card: Ditch, Ditch, Ditch I currently have one credit card and it was used for emergency in the mean time that we build savings for emergency. However, the convenience of having a credit card in your wallet is that if you really love something, and can't quite afford it just yet, you will pay with credit assuming you'll have the money when the bill comes in. Guess what? Most likely you will not have all of it and end up paying interest on the rest... My credit card has not been in my wallet for 2 months... I am only using it for my Netflix membership which is 8$. I pay it monthly... and working on the balance... it should be down to 0$ by Christmas. And it is never going back in my wallet. Credit cards can also be a trap to shop on-line... If you have to get some stuff on-line, banks now offer a debit cards that can be used for such a purpose... if you are afraid that someone will use your number to empty your bank account, use a specific bank account only for that and transfer funds when need be.
A note on on-line shopping: Be careful... it is so easy... and convenient... and everything looks so attractive and cheap.... but still use the same rules as when shopping in a real store: wait for 24-48 hours before buying... most of the time, the desire will fade away!
Debit card: Although they are convenient if you do not want to walk around with money, they can also be a trap... if you are not sure how much is left in your bank account... and comes the end of the month, you may be short on a few bills to pay... You should try to pay as much as possible with CASH! This really makes you think twice when you pull out money from your wallet. And when there is no more, you need to wait until the next pay check! Lesson learn for the nexr week!
Paying as much as possible stuff directly from your bank account at fixed dates and everything else with cash was a suggestion I got when I went bankrupt - because part of going bankrupt involved my husband and I sitting down for an hour to get budgeting 101 course.
Don't get me wrong, I had a budget prior to going bankrupt... I was not THAT stupid! lol... I only did not respect it because of credit card and line of credit flexibility... Not having any of that for a few years actually makes you think twice if you want to eat...
Your budget should include, at a minimum, fixed expenses that cannot be avoided (even though avoided can be discussed for a long time, take what is unavoidable to you now at this moment):
Housing and utilities (heating, phone, cell phone, Internet, cable, insurance...)
Car payment, gas and maintenance as well as registration and insurance
Other form or transportation
Food
Medical care
Savings (emergency and retirement)
Paying of debt - if you wish to go debt free one day
And YES you should have savings in there EVEN if you still have debt...
You budget could also, if desired other stuff like:
Coffee shop/Restaurants
Activities (gym, gold, yoga, movie, theatre, shopping...)
Gifts
Allowance
Clothes replacement
Household stuff replacement
Without going specifically into details and numbers, I can tell you what my budget is like:
Housing and utilities : 32% (we only have one cell phone, Internet, Netflix, small insurance, rent and electricity are combined.)
Transportation: 4% (we walk or bike everywhere, in the winter we use some public transit)
Walking is cheap and cuts down other exercises fees as well
Food: 31% (we do not eat much but fruits and veggies are expensive where I live)
Savings: 17%
Which leaves us with about 16% for paying of debt and another expense my husband has (I won't share this has it is his...)
We currently do not have room for other stuff as our income just covers our needs... and some savings and paying of debt. Whatever comes up that is not cover in this budget comes from the savings account... however, in the short term, we are expecting an increase in the incoming money and this increase will be divided between weekly allowance to all 3 of us and more "savings" to account for clothes/furniture replacement... However, being a minimalist does make those 2 very scarce...
Now saving is personal, what you do with that money is up to you... I know I like to have about a month of living always aside... I am not quite there yet (since moving to Moncton cost a lot and made a whole in my savings account) but I am working on it. Then I would save for small get aways... 3-4 days long.... this is what we love to do.
Now, you may think, "well who does she think she is telling me how to budget?" - Well, here's the catch...
If you are anything like I was not even a year ago... or anything like almost anyone on the face of this planet living in an industrialized country, you are living pay check to pay check, have a number of debts divided into mortgage, car payments, credit cards and line of credits... Loosing your job or slowing down is nearly impossible without facing a money crisis...
Let me ask you this: "Do you really know where each or your hard earn dollar go?"
And this: "If you budget has a left over everymonth, like it should, why do you constantly need to use credit?"
And here comes in the importance of the other subjects I covered in the previous weeks... If you've cleaned up your home, perhaps you can sale some of the stuff to pay back debts... or create savings... If you've chosen what social activities you like, maybe you can save money there too... by letting go what is not so important.
I keep saying that the point to minimalism is not deprivation but choice... the budget my husband and I created reflect our priorities for now... creating an emergency funds, paying off debts AND eating plenty of fruits and veggies... this is where our priorities are therefore we've downsized everything else! In the mean time... a budget is not fixed for life... it can change however often you need... As long as you know what are your essentials, the rest can move up/down as often as you need to.
For my husband and I, going to Starbucks is important... it is a place where we have nice discussions and we were not ready to let it go, therfore we maed it part of our food budget... if for you, an expensive car is essential or COACH purses are... it is not a problem... you only need to make a place for it in your budget... and putting them on credit is NOT a solution in the long run!
The thing with credit is that somehow, we are unconsciously aware that we have money issue... and it sneaks up on us... in our sleep... and it stresses us... even if you try and convince me otherwise, I won't believe you!
This is why doing all the previous exercises in my post regarding your home, wardrobe, social life... can help you figure out what is important... TO YOU! And that allows you to choose WHERE you want to spend your money...
And the post about work was also important in the sense that if you want to switch job... to do something you love... you need to know HOW MUCH money you can make from that job... and see how you can adjust your budget and lifestyle to get to the point where you can actually do that job!
It took me years to get there... and I had to make choices and change my lifestyle...
This is why I live in a small apartment, bike or walk everywhere, own used furniture that were almost all given to me... and dress with less... much much less... because I wanted to live on LESS money so I can earn less doing what I love!
See where it all ties in???
CHOICES!!!! over and over again we need to make choices... the right one for us!
Adjust your lifestyle, change your budget, do work you love, be happy and less stress... It is all related!!!
Now, do you have any questions for me?
Anything you'd like me to develop more on?
Do you need help? If so tell me how I can help you?
thanks for reading!
and please share if you like this blog!!!
love&peace,
nath
xox
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Monday, September 22, 2014
#108 days: Week 13 - and what a week!
Plant is still alive and growing (this is initial picture of it... too bad I can't add a current picture!)... and I even got a second one but for some reason, I can't add the picture of it either...
Realised what my problem with plants was... I was drowning them!
Knowing that I have establish a schedule for watering them... they both require very little water!
My family has establish a new daily ritual... every day after supper we wash the dishes and then we have tea/coffee/hot chocolate and "desert"... it gives us time to talk and laugh... more then at supper I find where we are still not quite over our daily stresses... but around 7pm we're all in a good place... and we feel like chatting about other stuff then our day! I love this ritual... we do it 7 days a week! It is lovely! And it keeps my son off the mindless eating all evening...
Work wise, I finally have a pretty much set schedule.... I work Wednesday through Friday and a few hours on Sundays... My husband does Monday through Friday...
I still love my job and it is allowing me to meet amazing people... I love the fact that I can work part time... it is great for my health... and my sanity!
Now, why did I say "what a week" up above???
Because my husband started a new job... it required a lot of training and he does not deal well with training.... it stresses him out! On top of that, the way this cie works, we found out that he won't be paid for 6 weeks... which makes our financial situation a bit of a struggle! But since we had a little saving we'll manage... It's a good think I lost the habit of spending all the money I have! Or we'd be in deep trouble! The other issue with this job is the public transit might make him be late a few days now and then... the cie understand that he cannot afford a car for now but we're not sure how long they will... he can bike on nice days but we worry for the winter. I've call the public transit to see if they could modify the schedule and they said they'll look into it for December... but no guarantee...
Therefore the stress of the training and commute... and the figuring out the finances... and a weird day I had at work for several reasons.... it was a difficult week! And to top it off, we had a unexpected, disturbing phone call on Friday night... one of my husband's son wants to come and live with us... all the way here in Moncton! We were definitely NOT expecting such a request... and we do not have an extra room to spare... plus there is the financial aspect of adding a new member to our family... This made for a very short sleep between Friday and Saturday because we had ask him time to think about it... and we didn't want him to wait for days on.... Therefore my husband and I started brainstorming to see if and how we could make this work... We cannot move... our lease is very strict and it would cost too much to bbreak it! Plus we love the place we live in and the view! It is well located for school, my job, groceries and the cadets. Not having a car make choosing a place to live a little more difficult!
We figure out a solution... for our apartment and the sharing of it with an extra 15 years old boy... Now my husband needs to figure out a few details with the boy's mom and once this is done, looks like he'll move in with us... and the way me figured it out, we're not planning to move for a while... we'll have to make it work! After all, people before would have much bigger families in much smaller home then we do today therefore we can make it work it we want to!
I will write more about that later... the details and how we worked out the apartment... when it definitely is a go! For now, this is all I can share on that...
Another decision we had to come to is that my husband might get a used car... to make it to work and back home and drive my son to cadets stuff every now and then. We've set a budget for the car... AND rules to use it or not...
It could be use for :
- my husband to go to work.
- my husband to drive my son to cadets activities that are too far to walk too.
- to go to outing in the Maritimes and/or Quebec but will be calculated in the budget like a car rental or bus fare.
It would not be use for grocery shopping, going to coffee, a movie or a restaurant... or shopping... only those places/conditions mentioned above. We are very strict with that.... not having a car has helped us save money and get fit and loose weight.... We are not going back to that place of using a car as a convenience for everything!
Therefore, because we had to make all those decisions (new job, new member of the family, new transport mode, organizing of finances) it was a difficult week... But we did manage... because we want this to work and we love/respect each other very much... For example, I am very against having another car... but I can understand that for my husband, to not stress if he'll be on time to work, it can be important... Similarly, my husband, who's very happy that his son wants to move in, understand my concern since we've never lived with him and he's a 15 year old boy... he asked me what it would take for me to be happy with this... and we figured it out... figured out a way to make it work for all 3 of us! This is what a marriage is all about out... listen, understand, respect and make it work... everyone needs to be listened too and understood.... and sometimes we ask for things and sometimes we need to give in...
However difficult this week may have been, it has proven to me that our relationship is really strong... still... and we can manage to deal with the most unexpected things... in fairly short timeline and we both still feel loved and respected and we both receive and give in...
A note on all my rules for the #108daystoanewlife:
TV - only watching a show with my son and husband on Netflix - one episode per day - Heroes
and we do movie night on Saturdays. Do not miss is at all... no longer even have time to watch more then that as I have found other things to keep me busy.
Food - gived in a little with my rules... with the cookies and candies... I have some, sometimes... but much less then before... and to be honest, I get more and more nauseated when I eat them so I eat less and less and much less frequently...
Yoga - doing good - learned to respect my body more - therefore my practice changes a lot day to day and week to week... sometimes is is long and physical and other more meditative... but I am happy that I am at this point where I can recognize and accept what my body and mind need and give it to them.
Shopping: Really only buying what I really truly love and need now. No more impulse buy... no more using credit card... no more buying just for fun or because I am bored... Of course I spent more then I wanted to when I decided to move to Moncton but that is only because our needs changed... we needed to get bicycles to get out and about.... We needed to buy a table for dining (we bough it used). We both needed to get a few things for our jobs... and there was school items for my son... and now looks like we'll need a few things to accommodate another person. But all this is money well spent... I will still keep you posted on things we'll buy to get re-organised here.... but the way we figured it out, we'll only need to get an extra bed (with all that is required on a bed), one chest drawer (which I'll try to get free or used) and some dishes... and maybe a used car... What I've come to realise is that although there is a fine line between a fake and a real need, there are some real needs.... and there are some conveniences that make our lives easier and worthwhile... and it changes from palces to place and with time. A car in Montreal was useless... here it might be useful for a few things... We got into an habit of really analyzing the financial aspect of every purchase and the good and bad sides of them. We think about it thoroughly and take our time to make the decision... we no longer impulse buy stuff and we need to agree on anything we'll buy... even smaller stuff like pillow case and a plant... because is does add up!
Reading: I am still not reading as much as I'd love too but perhaps this is because the weather is really nice and I spend lots of time outside... and we have many things to talk about my husband and I to make this adventure a fun and exiting one... many decisions needs to be discussed about and made... once we settle down and weather gets chillier, I'll have more time to read...
This is it... only a few more weeks to go but I can already say that I created for myself a new life... a better life.... I am miles away (in every way possible) from where I was back in June... and I am happier and calmer... and I love my life! I can't wait to make the final post of this adventure where I list everything that changed...
thanks for reading!
and please share if you like this blog!!!
love&peace,
nath
xox
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Tuesday, September 16, 2014
Minimalism - in your job
Or not... it's actually Tuesday... but do you resonate with TGIF????
Can you not wait for the week end to come? For those 2 days off?
Do you start planning your next vacation/time off as soon as you return to work?
Why do you get up for in the morning??? A job that gives you the money you need to pay for the stuff you don't? Or to do work that you love and is meaningful to you?
Have you ever wish you could be elsewhere when you're at work? That the building caught fire so you'll have a few months off? That you get fired so you have another chance to start over? Be honest... the answers are for your ears only...
If you're anything like I was prior to June 2012, you're getting up in the morning to get a salary... to pay mortgage/rent, car, debt, vacations, stuff, clothes, gifts... and the list can go on endlessly... You're doing work you're good at and get an income you judge sufficient or close to... You're doing work where you can move up the ladder to increase your income and improve your situation...
If you're anything like me now, you can get up to do work you love and is meaningful... to you and others... work that brings a smile on your face and on the face of others that stop by every morning... You're doing work you love... that makes the day go fast... work that provides, on top of a small nearly sufficient income, other forms of happiness: like people being happy to see you... people being happy to connect and chat... you give people what they want... and you see the smile on their face.
Now you may think that no every one can be lucky enough to do work they love (I use to think that too)... bills, rent/mortgage and utilities need to be paid... and not everyone has a husband making enough money! Well, this is where you're wrong! My husband also does work he loves... and it is NOT enough money to pay for food, shelter and other cost of living by itself... and this is why I work too... part time... BUT, we've made choices long ago... we made the choice to find a way to decrease our cost of living, to find a way to slowly go debt free and to find a way to do work we love and can do for a while without having to spend money on useless things to de-stress... without having to pay for a vacation to run away from it all... without having to wait for TGIF to have a smile on our face! We wanted to do work that we'd not spend the rest of our life waiting for retirement... work we could do for a long time if we're lucky enough... Work that could be done anywhere if we choose to move again... Work that allows us to stay fit because it is also physical work... and we do not drive to make it to there. And we save in gym membership!
Was it easy? hell no!! Was it worth it? Oh yeah!!!
We made what some may call "sacrifices"... but we like to call "choices". We call it choices because sacrifices imply you lost something in it... and we really didn't! We actually gained so much!
We are both:
less stress
happier
leaner
healthier
Our relationship is stronger because we allow ourselves to grow in it... not to make more money out of it... We allow ourselves to each do work we love... and figure out how to pay the bills nonetheless... while paying debt AND saving money for our next move.
We decided to work closer to home - less commuting fees. I walk or bike to work... my husband takes his bike or public transit. - He's looking into carpooling for the winter. Commuting fees are, roughly, for both of us, 30$ per month... Nothing else!
Did you know that working close to home - less then 1/2 hour commute is worth 10K on you pay check... in expenses not spent... and stress not lived! Calculate how much your car cost you really? And all that time spent in traffic jam?
We decided to do work we love which means, when we have time off, we do not feel like we have to run away from our lives... on a vacation or anything/anywhere else... Time off can be spent simply at home, or around our home doing free outdoor activities. Do you have any idea how much you spent in money to relieve the stress from the job you hate? How much clothes do you buy? Wine? Restaurant? Vacation? All that because you need to de-stress... And how often do you get sick as soon as you have a few days off? Do you have any idea why? Because you are too stress.... all the time! When your body is feeling stress going away, if takes this time to heal... and to do so, it makes you sick!
Did you know that doing work you love is also worth 10K on your pay check... in expenses not spent to relax, run away or forget...
We haven't take a "real" vacation in almost 3 years as a family... and a little over 4 years as a couple... and our couple is really strong... because we can connect at home... in between work days... we do not need to wait for a vacation to do so because we are not stressed! Life is much nicer when there is no stress... you can communicate and connect with others more freely.
Now if you can find work you love... close to home... you just added 20K to whatever salary this might pay you... of course, you'll need to address the other issues like cost of living... because if you take a pay cut, something's gotta give! And this is where all my posts from the previous Tuesdays on minimalism in your home, diet, wardrobe and social life come in handy... because if you've done the work, you know what you can let go off now... if you've done the work you have an idea of how you can decrease your cost of living... which is often times directly related to being able to do work you love.
And next post, will be on budget... so if you do all the work by next Tuesday, it will all fall into place!
Now, on top of your regular 9-5 job that you may or may not like, and may or may not take hours to get to and from... how many of you do overtime? how many have a second job? how many consider taking a second job or increasing the number of hours they do? how many choose to do a longer day to avoid traffic? All this means less time doing things you like with people you love. All this means more stress.
Of course, this might be a temporary measure... like if you want something special for a specific reason (a pool for eg - assuming this is essential to you) and your budget does not allow for it... or if you want to work on going debt free faster... however, this cannot be a long term thing! You cannot work 50-60h a week all the time! It is insane... and dangerous for your health: physical and mental. Not to mention detrimental to your family... and if you have no family, detrimental to the one you could have.... or friendships...
Most times (I would actually say all the time, but...), working more is NOT the answer... not in the long run anyway... the richest people are those who can live with less... not the one with the highest income! You can have all the income you want... you can double/triple your income, you will always fall short! Because there is always more to do/buy.. there are always nicest things to get... nicer places to see... nicer restaurant to try...
If you're happy with what you have... you no longer need anything... and you no longer need so much money! If you learn gratitude... if you live simply, you'll need less money and therefore will finally be able to do work you love... and be less stress... and healthier! You'll be able to enjoy life's little pleasure without having to spend thousands of dollars on a trip to Cuba...
In order to live the life we wanted and do work we love that does not stress us out... work that we do not have to wait for Friday or the next Holiday or the next vacation to be happy, my husband and I had to decrease our budget by 3 folds... and where we were not saving anything and creating debt on top of that, our "new" budget, even though 3 times lower then it used to be, provides for saving and paying off debt! And some fun time to!
It is possible...
And I hope you can do it...
And the budgeting post from next week will also help...
Perhaps you are already doing work you love... and that does not stress you... or you may think you do... really think about it!
This question might help you figure it out for good:
If money was no object, how would you spend you day?
This is what you should do as a job... nothing else... figure out how this can be done and you'll be happier then ever! After all, roughly 1/3 of your day is spent working... if not more! You gotta love it!
thanks for reading!
and please share if you like this blog!!!
love&peace,
nath
xox
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Monday, September 15, 2014
#108 days week 12 already!
Whether I want to or not, there is only 3 1/2 weeks left to this project where I wanted to create a new life for myself... a better life! However, I do not think it will ever end.... I will always create a new life for myself... until I've reached my dream life... I may not be far... but I also know that nothing is ever perfect and everything changes all the time... what seems perfect now may not be in a year from now! Therefore my project #108daystoanewlife will turn into #infinitedaystoanewlife .... This is not a destinatin but a journey. Of course, as of Oct 6th, I will no longer write about that every week... but still write about me... and minimalism, veganism and being a yogi!
What I have learned is that I will no longer "stay" in a place (physical or emotional) where I am not thriving... because I know I deserve better! We all do!
I have also learned that I am a helpless peace and love freak... that I love the idea of peace on hearth... even if some may think it is impossible... I still wish for it... and always will... and cry when I see it is not there...
I have learned that I have more empathy and compassion then I'd like to admit... and even people who seem to be sabotaging their own life get my sympathy and compassion... because in the end, they may be the only person responsible for their choice, but what choices do you have when you were not given any??? And if they were given a choice, were they free to choose? Or knowledgeable enough? Did they have the right tools? No one can judge... therefore we need compassion...
It is really hard to live in this day and age and feel the pain like I do... and have compassion like I have... because I am often "crying" for things I have no control over.... and I know now why about 2 years ago I got a "crying yogi" sculpted in wood... because I feel like that crying yogi... crying over the misery of human nature and feeling helpless... but don't get me wrong.... I do not cry all the time... and I am not unhappy! I can be aware of the pain in this world and around me and still be happy about my own life... and laugh and have fun! It is only when I stop to meditate and think about the state of this planet and of us human that I get sad... but I also know that I have no control over all of it... therefore I do what I can and move on! This is the thing with living here and now, you can be sad one minute when something comes to your mind but the next moment when you see a butterfly pass by you can also be really happy! The most difficult part is learning to deal with all those emotions... changing all the time... but once you get it, it gets easier. Basically, you need to let go.... feel the emotion but not become it.
I also learned over the past week, that no matter what, I need to come first... and then my son and husband.... I cannot take care and love them as much as they deserve to if I do not take care and love myself first! For this I need to do my yoga and meditation and eat well... but I also need to do stuff I love... like cooking and reading... and biking.... and writing... and to do this I need time... working 40h a week and squeezing all that is nearly impossible for me who needs to manage my stress and sleep to deal with MS... therefore being a minimalist, living with less and spending less allows me to live the life I want by working less hours in a less stressful job... and still have time to do what I love... and not aggravate my condition. It is all a question of balance.... but balance required choices...
I also decided I would continue writing ebooks... it might not sell as well as I would want to but I love doing it and people who buys them and read them actually love them.... and I love to do it and help others... and I think this is a nice way to do it! I love, I'll do it! It is that simple.
Also, my son joined the Air Cadets from Moncton... I know... not my thing... son of a peace and love yogi freak joining the cadets... but it was his dreams... and after discussion I could see he was serious about this and understand and respect his reasons for doing it. Would I wish he had joined a yoga studio and Green Peace instead? Of course.... but what these past week have showned me is that everyone has a different path on this planet... for many different reasons.... sometimes it takes us a long time to know what it is... or to accept it (like me)... and in the case of my son, it is clear that his path was opened up to him very early... and even though it scares me, and brings me in a very uncomfortable zone I will help him follow it, to the best of my knowledge, and I will help him find the tools he needs to live his life and follow his path and his dreams. I do not want to be the reason why he hides his dream and do not realise them. This, I believe, is the role of a good parent.... not to push their kids into their own, hidden dreams... but help them find and realise their own. It might be the most difficult part of being a parent... because it means realising that our kids may not be like us... or how we would like them to be... but it is a great lesson in unconditional love... and respect. It also means learning to let go... and that our kids do not belong to us... even though we call them "our" kids... they are with us for a while and then off to live their lives.
Once again a week very high in emotion for many reasons... but I can see things clearing up... I can see my mind and actions becoming more free... caring less about what others think and say... I can see myself emerging into a "new" person (to many... but a very well known one to me)... that I kept hidden for so long out of fear... and I refuse to do this still. I now have the courage to live my life... and this is partly due to the work I have been doing on myself but I know it is also partly due to the unconditional love of my son and husband who support me in all my craziness... we are ultimately 3 very similar people in our hopes and dreams but very different in the way we live them... this makes all of this adventure very interesting! And a great learning experience...
thanks for reading!
and please share if you like this blog!!!
love&peace,
nath
xox
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Tuesday, September 9, 2014
Minimalism - in your social life
This is my agenda! Why do I have one? Because I need to record my work hour somewhere and an odd appointment or "not to be missed" date... I think I could do without.... my days are so not busy... everything could actually fit in my head! But I love agendas.... and writing and scribbling into them!
As a minimalist blogger, I often get ask: "but where will I find the time to declutter? clean up? chill?"
And I understand... in modern society, we have to keep busy... or so we think! It gives us the feeling that we are important.... wanted... loved... needed... but that is just all an impression... sorry to burst your bubble!!! If you don't keep busy at whatever you are busy doing, guess what? someone else will get to do it! Or it won't get done and nothing will happen...
If you claim you do not have time to live a minimalist life, let me ask you a few questions to evaluate where we could "find" time!
How much time do you spend on social media?
How much time do you spend surfing the net just for fun?
How much time do you spend watching TV?
How much time do you spend on things you feel oblige do to but do not really feel like it?
How often do you go 5-7, parties, outing, events just because of "what will people say if I don't go"?
How much OT do you spend every week at work?
How much time do you spend on that second job?
How much time do you spend shopping?
How much time do you spend commuting to work?
How much time do you take to clean/upkeep your home?
How much time to you spend cooking fancy/complicated meals?
How does that adds up?
And I bet I could find more questions if I was given time and each of your personal situations...
The questions about work and overtime and the second job you may or may not have will be address in next week's post.. but the rest needs to be looked at now...
All these are what can be flexible in your schedule... you can play around with the time you spend on social media, TV, Internet... you can choose to go or not to 5-7, parties, events... You can shop less... Live in a smaller place that require less time to clean and less upkeep... You can cook simpler meal and free up some time there...
I can't make that decision for you... it is yours to make... but if you want to live a life you love doing things you care for instead of things you feel oblige to do, you will have to change some things in your life... you will have to address priorities.
Let's take me as an example...
I love to write, read, do yoga, meditate, cook, bake, draw, walk, bike... It took me a while to find and then accept what I really liked doing in life... accept that I may not be like everyone else (no one is anyway but I was suddenly not like the people surrounding me anymore)... accept that people around me may find that I have gone weird... but once I accepted that, it all got easier... and as I started doing things I loved, I had an easier time to find more time to do them anyway!
But where did all of this start?
In my case, I moved into a smaller place to live... half the size... that freed up some cleaning and upkeep time. We also moved from a house to an apartment so there were no need to take care of the outside anymore... Now some may argue that this is not a financially smart move but I'll have to disagree... and that would be an entire post in itself!
Freeing up about 1-2 hours per week just by moving to a smaller place gave me time to increase my yoga practice and found myself time to declutter.
The next thing to go was 5-7, parties and the like... I do not like crowded place, or excessive noise... I do not like the company of people when there is alcohol around... I do not like to be with many people at once... I much prefer one on one having tea... and cookies... in a quiet environment. Now because I changed my diet, time spent in restaurant decreased and time cooking at home increased... and this is actually when I discover myself a passion for cooking... only when I no longer ate meat! Truth is, meat always discussed me when uncooked... cooking with no meat is a charm!
And the more I cook, the more I like it... so I have to make time for it... even more!
Next, was time spent shopping... now you all know that I was a shopaholic... I could easily spend 8-10 hours per week at the mall! And spend money most of the time... decluttering my wardrobe to fill it back and declutter again... at one point I had enough of that stupid cycle... and started shopping less and less... I did not go cold turkey... it was a long and slow process... but in the end, I now go to the mall when I need something and I am in and out... no wandering around just for fun and see what is new or what is on sale... So much time (and money) saved!
Next thing to go was television... do you know that on average we spend 4h per day on television??? What could we do with all that free time? I never spent that much time on TV, except for the few years where I was really sick and sitting in front of the TV was all I could manage energy wise (this in the end was really counter intuitive but that too could be subject of another post). At the time I decided to cut my television service, I was spending anywhere around 2h per day on television... sometimes 3h... on "good" TV days! When I cut my service and took Netflix, it drop to about 90 minutes per day... and when I moved to Moncton and took the TV out of my living room, it dropped to 45 minutes time permitting... for example, last night, it was 0! I feel much more free not "having" to watch my show... but I also see a HUGE difference in my desire to "buy" or "get" things... as well as my desire to "have to go" to a restaurant or see a movie... no advertisement on Netflix is AMAZING!
By decreasing time on television, I started reading again... a lot more... and I started being more creative in my home and wardrobe! Not seeing trends for home decorating or fashion does make a huge difference and allows you to find your own style!
I then decided to address time spend on social media... because one down side of cutting television was that I spend more time on social media... therefore still in front of a screen. I decided to fade those slowly when I decided to let go of my iPhone as part of my #108daystoanewlifeproject ...
It was really hard at first... and I felt like I was missing out... not having my iPhone with me everywhere I felt like something important was left at home... for about 3 days or so... and then this feeling vanished... so did the feeling of missing out on something... and I found a new passion in carrying a book with me everywhere... and pen and paper... or just sit and watch people... a new freedom from not checking out for updates on status and new comments every hour or so...
In short, I have cut down Linked In, Good Reads, Instagram, Twitter, my FB page and only kept my personal FB page, Google+ (because it is linked to this blog) and Pinterest... and I have a new found ability to breathe and feel free that resulted in that choice... Am I missing out on something? Probably... I don't get to see each and everyone's status all the time... but you know what? that's OK! On top of decreasing the number of social media that I was part of, I decreased the amount of time spent on them... On the days I work, I check them quickly at night... on non-working days, morning and late afternoon for about 30-45 minutes total each time slot.
One thing I'd like to mention now, even though it will be part of my post on Minimalism and finances, making all those changes, cutting all those places where I use to spend money has in turn allow me to decrease my overall cost of living and as a result I can now afford to work partime which is also giving me more time to do things I love... and is much better for my health! Less busy, less work... less stress... less MS!!!
thanks for reading!
and please share if you like this blog!!!
love&peace,
nath
xox
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Monday, September 8, 2014
14 years ago...
14 years ago my son was born... this is why there is a non-planned post today... I need to write about that day! Above picture is 2 years ago but it remains one of my favorite picture of him and it was accessible in my blog...
14 years ago we both almost did not make it... and we were both born... the first time for him and a second for me.
Because his dad never wanted to speak with me (in the 20 months we stayed together after he was born) about what happen at the time I gave birth, I am missing a lot of informations... all I know is the few words the doctor told me when he came into my room the day after, saying: " well you really scared everone here... and we are now sure we'll keep you alive. You're lucky you were giving birth here, not at home... or else you and your son would no longer be with us." And that I had a severe case of eclampsia, that in 25 years bringing babies to this world he had never seen... or heard of!
This is all I will write about that day... and the followings... because even though I was technically alive, there were a few more complications ahead... What I am more willing to share here and now is what this resulted in... Knowing that I almost died, changed something in me... something that perhaps only people who lived a similar experience can understand.
I remember clearly 3 events that shaped up the rest of my life... those 3 events happened within 15 months I had given birth to my son...
1) The day I went back home, I was looking at everything on the road while his dad was driving... brigdes, trees, cars... and my son... thinking that I was so close to not have ever seen any of this again... and tears were rolling out of my eyes... quietly... because from that moment I got a feeling that I was alone in this with my son... Everything looked more beautiful and important to me... and for months, I would look at things and people differently... and it never really stopped I guess if you see all the changes I made in my life after.
2) One day, when I was still on maternity leave (in those days we only had 6 months) and I was waiting in the park close to our home for his dad to come back...late as usual... I remember thinking that I was so tired... and so overwhelmed... that I loved my son so very much but that some things needed to change because I could not spend my life waiting for someone... but it was still unclear at how this would happen as I could not see myself leave... I knew I didn't want to feel unhappy anymore...
3) About 15 months after giving birth, I was upstair in my bedroom while my son was nappping and I was looking at the window.... I was in a "chic" area of Montreal by then... expensive houses... filled with lawyers, doctors, business man and dentists... and some middle class people with higher paying jobs and willing to make sacrifices to live in a nice area like this one. I remember how all of this seem to be like a movie... I was watching "something" that I did not feel part of... like I was an outsider... and like I knew it would not last... And standing there by the window, I remember asking my gardian angel for help... for a sign of what to do... and the sign came a few months later...
All this to say that the fact that my son was born and that I almost died, changed my life forever... Of course having a kid, changes everyone's life forever... but the fact that I almost did not make it... makes is ever worse... For a long time I was stuck in the desire to do well as a parent... because I was responsible for another's person life and well being (a feeling most parent will recognize)... but I also had to struggle with realising the my life too was important... that me not being there or being fundamentally unhappy would have a great impact on his life too. Therefore being a good parent is not just provinding for food, shelter, clothes, education... or games and toys... vacations and activities.... it is SO MUCH MORE!!!
And I know that you may already know all that... but I also know that sometimes we forget.... and because Spetember 8th is the day my son was born and the day I was given a second chance, I can never forget it... everytime I look into his eyes, I see both our lives beginning at the same time...
To me, being a parent is more then was is conventionnaly perceive as being a parent. I want to teach my son to be:
free
wild
follow his dreams
not let anyone or anything stop him - not even me!
respect his life and the life of others and the planet by seeing me do so
and I know that some people do not understand us coming to Moncton away from everyone we knew... but that was part of what I wanted to show him... freedom... you can love people even if you're not with them... you should be happy first and then people who loves you will be too and understand... and respect your choices...
And it is working... ever since we came here, I can see my son less stress... more free... laugh more... speaking more openly of his thoughts and desires... sleeping better then ever... putting things in place to follow his dream... and a new sparkle in his eyes...
and he also let go of some of the things he was keeping for memories only (without me even asking him to do so)... but had no other attachment too then souvenirs of the past... he asked me to take a picture of those things and said that he could always look at the pictures if he has forgotten the events these objects reminded him off... how mature for his age?!?
Happy birthday Cedric!
Thanks for giving me my life back...
Thanks for teaching me so many things...
You are a yound man with an old soul and I needed your wisdom to learn to be me and to give you the tools to be yourself!
I hope your life will be as you desire it to be...
I know you can do it!
thanks for reading!
and please share if you like this blog!!!
love&peace,
nath
xox
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14 years ago we both almost did not make it... and we were both born... the first time for him and a second for me.
Because his dad never wanted to speak with me (in the 20 months we stayed together after he was born) about what happen at the time I gave birth, I am missing a lot of informations... all I know is the few words the doctor told me when he came into my room the day after, saying: " well you really scared everone here... and we are now sure we'll keep you alive. You're lucky you were giving birth here, not at home... or else you and your son would no longer be with us." And that I had a severe case of eclampsia, that in 25 years bringing babies to this world he had never seen... or heard of!
This is all I will write about that day... and the followings... because even though I was technically alive, there were a few more complications ahead... What I am more willing to share here and now is what this resulted in... Knowing that I almost died, changed something in me... something that perhaps only people who lived a similar experience can understand.
I remember clearly 3 events that shaped up the rest of my life... those 3 events happened within 15 months I had given birth to my son...
1) The day I went back home, I was looking at everything on the road while his dad was driving... brigdes, trees, cars... and my son... thinking that I was so close to not have ever seen any of this again... and tears were rolling out of my eyes... quietly... because from that moment I got a feeling that I was alone in this with my son... Everything looked more beautiful and important to me... and for months, I would look at things and people differently... and it never really stopped I guess if you see all the changes I made in my life after.
2) One day, when I was still on maternity leave (in those days we only had 6 months) and I was waiting in the park close to our home for his dad to come back...late as usual... I remember thinking that I was so tired... and so overwhelmed... that I loved my son so very much but that some things needed to change because I could not spend my life waiting for someone... but it was still unclear at how this would happen as I could not see myself leave... I knew I didn't want to feel unhappy anymore...
3) About 15 months after giving birth, I was upstair in my bedroom while my son was nappping and I was looking at the window.... I was in a "chic" area of Montreal by then... expensive houses... filled with lawyers, doctors, business man and dentists... and some middle class people with higher paying jobs and willing to make sacrifices to live in a nice area like this one. I remember how all of this seem to be like a movie... I was watching "something" that I did not feel part of... like I was an outsider... and like I knew it would not last... And standing there by the window, I remember asking my gardian angel for help... for a sign of what to do... and the sign came a few months later...
All this to say that the fact that my son was born and that I almost died, changed my life forever... Of course having a kid, changes everyone's life forever... but the fact that I almost did not make it... makes is ever worse... For a long time I was stuck in the desire to do well as a parent... because I was responsible for another's person life and well being (a feeling most parent will recognize)... but I also had to struggle with realising the my life too was important... that me not being there or being fundamentally unhappy would have a great impact on his life too. Therefore being a good parent is not just provinding for food, shelter, clothes, education... or games and toys... vacations and activities.... it is SO MUCH MORE!!!
And I know that you may already know all that... but I also know that sometimes we forget.... and because Spetember 8th is the day my son was born and the day I was given a second chance, I can never forget it... everytime I look into his eyes, I see both our lives beginning at the same time...
To me, being a parent is more then was is conventionnaly perceive as being a parent. I want to teach my son to be:
free
wild
follow his dreams
not let anyone or anything stop him - not even me!
respect his life and the life of others and the planet by seeing me do so
and I know that some people do not understand us coming to Moncton away from everyone we knew... but that was part of what I wanted to show him... freedom... you can love people even if you're not with them... you should be happy first and then people who loves you will be too and understand... and respect your choices...
And it is working... ever since we came here, I can see my son less stress... more free... laugh more... speaking more openly of his thoughts and desires... sleeping better then ever... putting things in place to follow his dream... and a new sparkle in his eyes...
and he also let go of some of the things he was keeping for memories only (without me even asking him to do so)... but had no other attachment too then souvenirs of the past... he asked me to take a picture of those things and said that he could always look at the pictures if he has forgotten the events these objects reminded him off... how mature for his age?!?
Happy birthday Cedric!
Thanks for giving me my life back...
Thanks for teaching me so many things...
You are a yound man with an old soul and I needed your wisdom to learn to be me and to give you the tools to be yourself!
I hope your life will be as you desire it to be...
I know you can do it!
thanks for reading!
and please share if you like this blog!!!
love&peace,
nath
xox
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Labels:
Life
Saturday, September 6, 2014
#108 days - week 11?!? is it???
Seriously loosing track of time here.... seems like I have always been here in Moncton living with my son and husband... I have really moved on and this is HOME now... I am not realising that time goes by so fast... I feel like time is stopped and life is allowing me a "vacation"... almost as if this is too good to be true and it won't last... Can this really be life from now on? Is it possible to be this happy and in the right place at the right time? I have never really seen this before in my life! Sure there are few things I miss from Montreal... Pierre D'Ailleurs, L'Heureux Boudha, Sophie Sucree, Resonnance Cafe and La Panthere Verte... and if I stop and force myself to think about it I will miss those places... but on a daily basis I am doing great here! The only thing is that I wish people I loved could come and visit... because I am not sure when I'll be able to go back... I will have not time off for a few more months... and no money to afford a trip!
Here's what is going on:
I am really happy... and peaceful! Life flows well and I do not have anything to force or fight for...
I do yoga and meditate 5-6 times a week... but not for an hour... this was too much! 20-45 min depending on the days...
I read a lot... biographies and novels... and also self development and yoga books.
I love my hair (the silver and all)... and the way I dress... I feel genuine, authentic... and my scalp is healing... finally!
I bike to and from work and to and from all other places... Moncton is small!
I cook simple healthy vegan meals... and can actually come up with new recipes on my own!
I am starting to have a strong desire to go back to drawing and painting... maybe I'll give in...
I work part time on a job I love with very little money... but it is worth so much more then just a salary.... I'll adjust my lifestyle over and over again before going back to a regular job...
Here are some recipe I came up with:
I do not have a picture because I do not have my iPhone...
You peel and cut some apples, throw them in a Pyrex container, add some vegan butter, quick cooking oats and brown sugar... put into the oven for about an hour (depending on the apples and how you like them cook), toss about twice during cooking... take out of the oven and enjoy warm! Delicious!!!
Another recipe I came up with is the following: barley, "ground chicken" from St-Yves, celery, carrots, mushrooms, onions, garlic.... veggie broth, salt and herbs... cook in the oven for about 4h at 250F... delicious and nutritious...
On another front, my son started school this week and he loves it! OK maybe "love" is a strong word but he likes it more then he ever did!
I made a few changes to my home... especially my bedroom which I am trying to make more cozy and bohomenian like... getting there... I have to reuse only what I currently own so it's a challenge... but a fun one! It requires creativity... Next to be adress will be living room... but this room too is almost there!
Still do not have a couch... or a washer/dryer... Couch will come... washer/dryer probably not! I can very well the washer and dryer from the basement. I use the laundry room in my apartement to store bicycles, the cat litter, cat food and water as well as tools, luggage and other stuff... it allows me to spread the stuff and be able to breathe...
I may be repeating myself... but I love my new life... and I would not trade my old one back... which is good... and exactly why I wanted to do this 108 days to a new life... to start from new and appreciate the life we created for us without looking back... only move forward! On day 78, when writing this blog, I can already tell you that I have succeeded at that... I didn't even need 108 days... let's wait and see what the remaining 31 days reserved for me....
thanks for reading!
and please share if you like this blog!!!
love&peace,
nath
xox
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Tuesday, September 2, 2014
Minimalism - in your wardrobe
Hello!
Now that you've clean you home and your diet, it is time to address the 3rd biggest part of most women's budget... and even some men... and quite possibly the most crowded place in your homes!!!
Your wardrobe!!!!!
Pictures above are typical outfits for me.... and if I had to select a strict dress code to spend the rest of my life with, it would consist of jeans (long and short), white blouse and t-shirts, cardigans and scarves! Less strict would include a few skirts/dresses, some corduroy pants, velvet items and more colorful tops!
I couldn't have said that years ago... not even 2 years ago... I did not stat my minimalist journey with addressing my wardrobe like most people do... I started off with my home... and every time I would get to my room, I would clean up my wardrobe... and then fill it up again a few weeks (at first) and then a few months later... I was REALLY addicted to buying clothes! I had to get every new trends and colors and sometimes even multiple of the same item in case I wear it out and there is no more... how silly??? Especially knowing that I had never ever worn anything out.... As it was out of style and discarded way before that! This was then... now I actually wear things out!
Why was I like that? Well there are a few reasons...
1) As a kid from a single income middle class family with 2 kids going to private school, I could never really dress like I wanted to! My parents could not afford it... and I understand... BUT, as soon as I got the impression that I had enough money to buy any clothes I wanted, I started buying clothes... and more and more.... at one point, I was putting anywhere between 300-500$ every other week on my credit card just buying clothes... and I never really made that much money! And truth is, we could not afford me to buy this much clothes... but there was always a good reason... I was stressed out... I was upset.... I was sick... I really deserved it... I really needed it.... I'd gain weight... I'd loose weight... (In any case, all my adult life my weight was pretty stable varying by no more then 20 lbs up and down... nothing requiring immediate clothes buying!) It was on sale and I'd save money! (that was my biggest one!) I was a shopaholic! Period. Truth be told, I have paid for this a lot in due time....
2) I didn't know what my style was... didn't knew who I was... didn't know myself and later on wanted to cover up who I was becoming... in certain occasion and then let it loose on others! Therefore for years I had a full wardrobe of clothes that didn't make sense... Part of it reflected who I was... part of it reflected who I wanted to be.... and yet another part reflected who I wanted people to think I was! How silly????? I was a chameleon dresser... dressing like who was around me... taking fashion tips from magazine, friends, television... and none of that was really calling me so everything seemed good enough! Fashion has nothing to do with style... it took years for me to understand that!
Then... I discovered Project 333... and it started to make sense.... it came at a time in my life, about 2 years ago, when most of my life had been minimised and it had help me figure out who I was and who I wanted to be once I grew up! It also came at a time where my yoga practice had taught me a lot about myself... the perfect timing was there for me to work on my wardrobe! And I did.... but I still had not resolve completely my shopaholic issue so it caused me a few more "faux pas"... however never as huge in number of pieces or money spent as in the past years...
I am now more clear on my style... and it reflects who I am.. whether I am at work or not... practicing yoga, having tea with friends... on my bike... or walking downtown... you'll recognize me by the way I dress... I dress the way I like and the way that makes me feel comfortable... I do not like to name tag my style as it is my own and there are really no name tag... but if I must 9for you guys to understand), I would go with something like "urban hippie"... or "boho chic"... why not: minimalist urban hippie?!? I know not too many scarves in the picture above but I couldn't find a picture of me wearing them... weird! Since I wear them mostly everyday!
Once you know what your style is, it gets easier to mix and match your wardrobe as all items fit with one another style was.... then you need to make sure color fits too. You can do so by going with neutral bottoms and colorful tops - sticking to a palette that mix and match together and that scarves can reunite! You can also go with colorful bottom and neutral tops! I even know people who are pretty neutral for tops and bottoms and play with accessories... whatever works for you!
The other thing I could suggest to make minimalizing your wardrobe easier would be to actually avoid stores... malls... magazine... fashion show on television... reality TV... and go with your gut feeling! Then once you have a strong sense of your own style and are no longer a shopaholic (if you are now), you can browse the store for ideas and bargains.... but stay clear of magazine which always make you feel like you look/dress like crap! Always go to the store with a precise list of items you are looking for and stick to it! Any impulse buy should be returned - this takes discipline... and anything off the list that you love should be put on the list and waited for 24-48 hours! In most instances, you'll no longer even thing about this new "coup de coeur"!
Now if you are ready, because you have your shopping under control and you know your style... where do you start?
1) Everything that does not fit properly - size, color or style - OUT!
2) Everything you bought more then 5 days ago still with a price tag - OUT!
3) Everything damage that you know you will not fix tomorrow - OUT!
4) Any guilt items (price or sentimental) - OUT!
5) Anything you do not absolutely love and would buy again - OUT!
6) Anything you own in duplicate or triplicate or more - OUT!*
*one exception to that rule could be for example black pants if your job require you wear black pants... and you actually wear all of them. Or jeans if all you bottoms are jeans - obviously, you cannot do with only one pair of pants for a whole week! Right?
Now that you've made room, try everything one last time... and figure out new outfits.... there might me a few orphans items that no longer belong with anything - they are OUT too! You could even take pictures of new outfits so that you can look at them when it is time to dress and if you're afraid you'll forget and end up wearing always the same thing!
One more tip is to look at what % of time is spend doing what...
% time at work
% time out and about
% time doing physical activities
% time spent at home
% time requiring fancy dressing - cocktails etc...
What is the point of having 10 cocktail dresses if you really only go once a month? What is the point of having 10% of your wardrobe with clothes for work if you work 75% of the time??? Your wardrobe distribution should reflect your activities if it cannot blend in as easily as mine. I am lucky enough to really have only one wardrobe but it was not always like that... it takes imagination... and a lifestyle that allows for it too!
Now that you've clean up your wardrobe, make a list of a few items, if any, that are now missing... and take this list with you next time you're off shopping... Make sure the items listed will go with at least 3 other in your current wardrobe... that they will not create a single outfit! Everything from now on should be versatile! In my wardrobe, I have not items that I can wear for a single occasion... of course, some work related outfits or wedding gown might be but it should not be most of your wardrobe!
Basically, what I am trying to say is that minimalizing my wardrobe was exiting but very hard... it took me years, literally, to get it! By following those simple tips, it will be easier:
1) Get rid of your shopping addition
2) Find your true self and style
3) Get rid of what no longer suits you (with above rules)
4) Find activity repartition of your time
5) Figure out outfits and take pictures
6) Make a wish list for what is missing
By following those 6 steps in order, you will succeed and get your dream wardrobe!
You'll save time figuring out what to wear... and shopping! As well as money on clothes that do not suits your life and style!
Any questions???
thanks for reading!
and please share if you like this blog!!!
love&peace,
nath
xox
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