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Monday, September 22, 2014

#108 days: Week 13 - and what a week!

Update on plants:

Plant is still alive and growing (this is initial picture of it... too bad I can't add a current picture!)... and I even got a second one but for some reason, I can't add the picture of it either...
Realised what my problem with plants was... I was drowning them!
Knowing that I have establish a schedule for watering them...  they both require very little water!

My family has establish a new daily ritual...  every day after supper we wash the dishes and then we have tea/coffee/hot chocolate and "desert"...  it gives us time to talk and laugh...  more then at supper I find where we are still not quite over our daily stresses... but around 7pm we're all in a good place... and we feel like chatting about other stuff then our day! I love this ritual...  we do it 7 days a week!  It is lovely! And it keeps my son off the mindless eating all evening...

Work wise, I finally have a pretty much set schedule....  I work Wednesday through Friday and a few hours on Sundays...  My husband does Monday through Friday...
I still love my job and it is allowing me to meet amazing people...  I love the fact that I can work part time...  it is great for my health... and my sanity!

Now, why did I say "what a week" up above???

Because my husband started a new job... it required a lot of training and he does not deal well with training.... it stresses him out!  On top of that, the way this cie works, we found out that he won't be paid for 6 weeks...  which makes our financial situation a bit of a struggle! But since we had a little saving we'll manage... It's a good think I lost the habit of spending all the money I have!  Or we'd be in deep trouble! The other issue with this job is the public transit might make him be late a few days now and then... the cie understand that he cannot afford a car for now but we're not sure how long they will...  he can bike on nice days but we worry for the winter.  I've call the public transit to see if they could modify the schedule and they said they'll look into it for December... but no guarantee...

Therefore the stress of the training and commute... and the figuring out the finances...  and a weird day I had at work for several reasons....  it was a difficult week!  And to top it off, we had a unexpected, disturbing phone call on Friday night...  one of my husband's son wants to come and live with us...  all the way here in Moncton! We were definitely NOT expecting such a request...  and we do not have an extra room to spare...  plus there is the financial aspect of adding a new member to our family... This made for a very short sleep between Friday and Saturday because we had ask him time to think about it...  and we didn't want him to wait for days on....  Therefore my husband and I started brainstorming to see if and how we could make this work...  We cannot move...  our lease is very strict and it would cost too much to bbreak it!  Plus we love the place we live in and the view! It is well located for school, my job, groceries and the cadets. Not having a car make choosing a place to live a little more difficult!

We figure out a solution...  for our apartment and the sharing of it with an extra 15 years old boy... Now my husband needs to figure out a few details with the boy's mom and once this is done, looks like he'll move in with us...  and the way me figured it out, we're not planning to move for a while...  we'll have to make it work! After all, people before would have much bigger families in much smaller home then we do today therefore we can make it work it we want to! 

I will write more about that later...  the details and how we worked out the apartment... when it definitely is a go! For now, this is all I can share on that...

Another decision we had to come to is that my husband might get a used car...  to make it to work and back home and drive my son to cadets stuff every now and then. We've set a budget for the car... AND rules to use it or not...
It could be use for :
- my husband to go to work.
- my husband to drive my son to cadets activities that are too far to walk too.
- to  go to outing in the Maritimes and/or Quebec but will be calculated in the budget like a car rental or bus fare.

It would not be use for grocery shopping, going to coffee, a movie or a restaurant...  or shopping... only those places/conditions mentioned above.  We are very strict with that.... not having a car has helped us save money and get fit and loose weight.... We are not going back to that place of using a car as a convenience for everything!

Therefore, because we had to make all those decisions (new job, new member of the family, new transport mode, organizing of finances) it was a difficult week... But we did manage...  because we want this to work and we love/respect each other very much...  For example, I am very against having another car... but I can understand that for my husband, to not stress if he'll be on time to work, it can be important...  Similarly, my husband, who's very happy that his son wants to move in, understand my concern since we've never lived with him and he's a 15 year old boy...  he asked me what it would take for me to be happy with this... and we figured it out... figured out a way to make it work for all 3 of us!   This is what a marriage is all about out...  listen, understand, respect and make it work... everyone needs to be listened too and understood....  and sometimes we ask for things and sometimes we need to give in...

However difficult this week may have been, it has proven to me that our relationship is really strong...  still... and we can manage to deal with the most unexpected things... in fairly short timeline and we both still feel loved and respected and we both receive and give in...

A note on all my rules for the #108daystoanewlife:

TV - only watching a show with my son and husband on Netflix - one episode per day - Heroes
and we do movie night on Saturdays.  Do not miss is at all...  no longer even have time to watch more then that as I have found other things to keep me busy.

Food - gived in a little with my rules...  with the cookies and candies...  I have some, sometimes...  but much less then before... and to be honest, I get more and more nauseated when I eat them so I eat less and less and much less frequently...

Yoga - doing good - learned to respect my body more - therefore my practice changes a lot day to day and week to week...  sometimes is is long and physical and other more meditative...  but I am happy that I am at this point where I can recognize and accept what my body and mind need and give it to them.

Shopping:  Really only buying what I really truly love and need now.  No more impulse buy... no more using credit card...  no more buying just for fun or because I am bored...  Of course I spent more then I wanted to when I decided to move to Moncton but that is only because our needs changed...  we needed to get bicycles to get out and about....  We needed to buy a table for dining (we bough it used). We both needed to get a few things for our jobs... and there was school items for my son...  and now looks like we'll need a few things to accommodate another person.  But all this is money well spent... I will still keep you posted on things we'll buy to get re-organised here....  but the way we figured it out, we'll only need to get an extra bed (with all that is required on a bed), one chest drawer (which I'll try to get free or used) and some dishes... and maybe a used car... What I've come to realise is that although there is a fine line between a fake and a real need, there are some real needs.... and there are some conveniences that make our lives easier and worthwhile... and it changes from palces to place and with time. A car in Montreal was useless... here it might be useful for a few things... We got into an habit of really analyzing the financial aspect of every purchase and the good and bad sides of them. We think about it thoroughly and take our time to make the decision... we no longer impulse buy stuff and we need to agree on anything we'll buy... even smaller stuff like pillow case and a plant... because is does add up!

Reading:  I am still not reading as much as I'd love too but perhaps this is because the weather is really nice and I spend lots of time outside... and we have many things to talk about my husband and I to make this adventure a fun and exiting one...  many decisions needs to be discussed about and made... once we settle down and weather gets chillier, I'll have more time to read...

This is it... only a few more weeks to go but I can already say that I created for myself a new life... a better life.... I am miles away (in every way possible) from where I was back in June... and I am happier and calmer...  and I love my life! I can't wait to make the final post of this adventure where I list everything that changed... 

thanks for reading!
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