Your life, your priority.

This is your life.
You have only one. (for all we know!)
Make it yours.

But how? you might say...  I have responsibilities, a family, a job, friends, obligations, errands to runs, food to prep, laundry to do and fold...  gifts to get, get together to organize...  appointments to go to, meeting to attends, birthday parties to be at... I have to be a star...  I am the glue that holds it all together...  people count on me...etc...

STOP.
JUST STOP and listen to yourself...

Re-read the first paragraph.  Or go back into your head and see your own version of it.

Is any of it really yours?  It's a list of "have to"  you gave me.  A to-do list...  We can all have those.

Which item(s) in that to-do list is actually something you really truly want to do? Be honest.
I know it's a tough question...

All of it you will say.

Well, I was expecting that answer and to that I say: Bullshit.

I get it.  You have to earn a living.  You have a family to take care of. I respect that.  Truly.
I do to.
We all do.

But it doesn't mean ignoring yourself completely.
How long can you keep on going like this?
How long can you be the glue that holds it all together if you dry up?

I said it before:

Your Life, Your priority.

Did you know that the term "priority" was added to the English language in 1400s.  And it was singular.  Only. There could be only one priority.
And then, in the 1900s, someone came up with a plural version of it:  priorities

During those 500 years we were fine handling one priority at a time, but somehow in the 1900s we became much more important and we had to handle more then one.

When did we became so full of ourselves?  So "important"?

How did that happen?  Why? Are we better off?

I don't think so...  we have more broken homes then ever before, more mental illnesses, more physical illnesses, higher obesity, more drug and alcohol abuse, higher crime rate...  there are more people on any kind of legal anti-depressant and or stress reliever drugs... and don't get me started with sleeping pills! We have so many priorities that we seem to have forgotten the main one.

US.  As individuals.

You need to take care of yourself first.

Because you cannot help anyone if you are not at your best, you cannot be of service to others.  You cannot pour from an empty vase and judging by your to-do list from before, you vase is running low and you will be empty soon.

When was the last time you did something that completely, profoundly took care of you and only you?  Something you chose.  Something YOU prioritize.

Guess what, if you don't prioritize your life other people will.  Your spouse, your kids, your boss, your parents, your friends...  And they won't necessarily mean bad. But they love you, they need you, you are their glue...  but what is your glue???  What holds you together?  Did you ever figure that out?

Look at your agenda for November.  What is in it?  Anything your particularly can't wait for?  Anything you wish could happen right this moment?

What about your daily schedule?  What's in it for you? Time to yourself where you seem to have vanished from the surface of this planet and that is 100% dedicated to your well being?

Try and think about your priorities... all of them.  Are they really all priorities?  If you could have only one like in 1400s...  which one would it be?  Is is even in your list right now?

I don't blame you.  I am not judging.
Up until 5 years ago I was just like that.
And then I ran empty... again...  And I decided it was enough.  I started to take better care of me to be able to love and support the ones I love better.

I just wish I had not waited that long.

I don't blame you.  As kids, we were not thought that. We were raised in the 1900s...  well most of us... We were raised in the age of priorities.  We were brought up in an age where most parents and teachers and pretty much any adults around us decided what was good for us. Prioritize for us.  They didn't ask. (At least this holds true for most of us in America)
We didn't learn to chose...  to prioritize. It was done for us.

And now, as adults in their 30s, 40s and 50s  (those are most of my readers), we HAVE to learn.  We have to catch up.  We have to make us the priority.

Priority.  Singular. There can be only one.  If not, it doesn't mean anything.

It has to be YOU.

It's the only way, you can be of use to the ones you pretend to be the glue for...

So go on.  Dig deep.  What do you like to do.  By yourself. What did you like to do as a kid when no one was watching and you had 5 minutes  (or hopefully more) of unscheduled agenda?  This is a good start to what you might like to do right now.

My go to as a kid were to run in the basement and look at the huge library my parents had there.  I would open any book a read a few lines or pages, I would spend as much time as I could looking at the fire in the wood stove.  I would knit or sew something together - without following the pattern.  If outside, I could spend hours (provided I had them), looking at birds and clouds lying on the grass or the snow, I loved watching the waves of the ocean or smelling the salty air around it... looking at thunderstorm...  they were never big or scary enough! And watching the leaves change color and fall in the fall...  as well as the first indication of spring being back - the smell of spring!  On the television, I'd only watch science shows about the environment or the fashion channel... And I looked at tons of fashion magazine. This is the kid I was.

Do you recognize the me from now in there?

This is the adult I chose to be a few years back.

And it feels great!
It feels amazing!!!

It was in me.  I had just ignored it for more "valuable" stuff to do...  things more "important"...  in line with our society's directions... I had buried it under a pile of mature, responsible things to do.
I dogged deep and found it...  the best gift I have ever received was inside me all that time: the permission to be myself.

And guess what?  The people who really, truly cared for me are still around...  and I have met other amazing like minded people... and I have energy to take care of them...  I don't feel obligations, I no longer need to-do lists because everything just flows...  You don't need  reminder to take a shower do you - it is not on a to-do list?  You just do, because it makes senses, because it makes you feel good, because there is something for YOU in it!!! When you are your best self, everything you need to do and want to do will just flow.  There will always be obligations...  but as you make sense of your life, even the obligation will make sense...  trust me.

Look at your life and be really harsh and honest about this: 

What is in it for you???
What needs to change???

Chloe 💜&✌