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Friday, May 2, 2014

Changes... sigh...

I am not sure how to go about with this post...

I do not want to sound selfish!  Because I know I am not!
I do not want to sound like I am complaining!  Because I am not!  I assure you!
But what I need to write about, and what I need to ask you help with is not easy....

Pretty soon, something wonderful will happen in my life.  My son, who is 13 and then some will come to live with me full time.

For the last 12 years, I have had share custody with rarely more than 7 consecutive days with him. On a couple of occasion I had 2 or 3 weeks.  But very rarely!

When I split up with his dad, he wanted to see his son a be a part of his life.  I agreed to it. I could not say no. We shared custody.

It broke my hearth but having met a wonderful men, I coped with it the best I could.

The week my son would be with us, he had my full undivided attention.  He was my number one priority.  No going out with friends... this was reserved for the other week. Even my own personal time was almost non-existent because I did not needed it - I had another week for that! My time ran on a 14 days schedule... not 7 like most of you.

I was sad every time he would leave... and happy every time he came back.  This was my life.  For 12 years.

During the years I was really sick, it was convenient because I really needed to sleep a lot!  And cry!

All that is about to change.
I am exited.
I am anxious.

We do have a wonderful relationship all 3 of us.  We get along good.  We have similar interest but obviously also different ones.

I am exited because I know this will reinforce our bond.
I am anxious for what it will do to me.

I have thought him to be with me in a way where he gets all my attention.  It won't be sustainable. At the same time, I must admit that he truly asks less and less from me.  He no longer is a baby!

Therefore my real worry is more with my own reaction/behavior.  I am afraid I will stick to the same pattern and forget about myself. Which would inevitably make me sick again.  I need to do my meditation/yoga.  I need to spend time alone in my apartment to daydream and do nothing - with no noise/presence.  I need my peace and quiet.

Will I be able to do that?  We do not live in a huge place.... but in a small apartment! There is not "away" zone like a basement or an extra room to turn into my refuge!

How will I share my time between my son, husband and myself?

How do you (talking to the ones who have their child full time) manage it?  How do you block "me" time in your schedule without having to ran away where money needs to be spent (shopping/movies/nails/hair...)?

Can I requisition the apartment for myself a couple hours a week and kick them out?

Is an hour with no noise (television/PS4/radio/music) something that seems unreasonable?

Any other suggestions?
Basically what I am looking for here is quiet time by myself...  in my home...  preferably! or where no money needs to be spent.

thanks for your help!

thanks for reading!  and sharing!



  1. Congrats on getting your child full time. You will still have lots of time to yourself. He will be in school and probably have an extracurricular activity. Also, he will sometimes want to do things with friends. And, sometimes he will have those friends over to your home.

    I kept my sanity by working out a routine for the week and another for the week-end. These routines changed as my husband's and child's schedules changed. I put them first but still made sure there was enough left for me. In order to do this I have worked from home, worked part time, or not at all.

    With a little trial and error, everything will come into balance. It always does; sometimes not in the way we expected or wanted, but looking back, for the best.

    PS Just started following your blog and love it.

  2. thanks! working from home or part time are excellent idea! will definitely look into that....
    as we'll be 1000km away from where we live now, my son will have to make new friends before he sees them! but he dos want to join the cadet so that will help! thanks again for your help! :-)