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Monday, July 16, 2018

Not here nor there...

For a while now, I've had this itch to move... not change apartment as that no longer does the job... but move around from city to city, across Canada, America and perhaps the world...  I have have no clue why or what I am looking for... I just know that where I currently live is not it. It is good but not great and I feel like something's missing! I am happy nonetheless but I know something in my environment is not quite right!

There is no way I can be a complete wanderer right now. It'll have to wait a few years. In the mean time, my husband and I have a plan to wander every chance we get: long week end, vacations and even regular week end!

Which is what we did from Friday morning to Sunday night...

We went to Chester, Peggy's cove and Halifax. All in Nova-Scotia.

Here are a few pictures...





We had fun... we relaxed but more importantly we kind of figured out what we are looking for...

Halifax is wayyyyy to big!
Chester a close match although missing some trails in the woods....
Peggy's cove, although magical... is not a place where you can live... but definitely a place I'll go back too often! Every chance I get.

We are coming up with criteria as to what to look for and we identified what we do not want! It's a start!!!

Well, we have 2-3 more week ends coming up... and a vacation in the winter... we'll keep wandering... looking and in the mean time we are visiting amazing places and enjoying the ride... until we reach the destination! If we ever do...

But isn't life about the journey and not the destination anyway?
After all, ultimately we all have the same final destination!
What differentiate is is how we get there!

Chloe 💜&✌

Monday, July 9, 2018

Be more like a lighthouse

Lighthouse in Fredericton, NB


"Lighthouses don't go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining. " Annie Lamott

I came across that citation not long ago and it actually meant a lot to me.

Years aho, I got really sick and was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis  (MS).  Not a diagnostic a 30 years old is looking for... and a dark prognostic! But fast forward to now, I am doing great, perfectly healthy (and medication free for 10 years) as long as I keep my lifestyle simple, calm, as stress free as possible and that I eat extremely well...

Now, it took me years to figure out what that means... I researched extensively all the literature about MS, looked into nutrition and stress management... and it actually turned out that the solution I found worked for MS but it could also do wonders for many many other conditions! It is not simple to implement living in the world we live in but I had to make a choice... and I did! It came with positive and negative consequences and I assumed them both as the positive out weight the negative by far. But this post is not about that.

Now, being the person I am, I started sharing my discoveries as I wanted to help others... save them time and suffering! The thing is, I became really convinced that I had the solution... and still am, and I am not alone believing in it. It came from a good place... and good intentions but I was not helping myself... and I was getting annoying... I started annoying mysel!

I knew you can't save people... you can't do the work for them but somehow I didn't see that was exactly what I was doing. A butterfly needs to open his cocoon by himself or he won't survive as his wings won't be strong enough...you can give the caterpillar a place to make it's nest but that is all... But I wanted to much...

There is only so much a tiny woman can do before running on low battery all the time. So I backed off. I had to, I was making myself and my family miserable.  I went back to my source... did more work on me, at a different level.  This work allowed me to find the real me. Underneath the conditioning to alwaysbe the best... after shedding my ego... I found it...There it was: my solution!

I could not save everyone.
I could not save those who do not wanted to be save.
I was not there to save anyone.
I had acquired knowledge and was ready to share it but I could only do so with people who asked...
I was exhausting myself to do something that was never meant for me to do.
I just had to be the best version of me I could be.

Everyone will go through their own life... and struggles and their is not much I, or anyone for that matter, can do about it but listen and lead by example.

So like the lighthouse above, I now stand on my ground... shine as much as I can and trust that the right people will find me.

I have more energy, a better mood, I am more peaceful... and that is what matters more.

Do I wish that in the blink of an eye of could fix all the problems on this planet? Of course... this is in my nature... but I am more realistic now.

Chloe 💜&✌

Wednesday, July 4, 2018

My reading marathon


Back in January 2016 I started a reading marathon. My objective was to read 42 books during the year... To some this might not seem like a lot but I was never much of a reader!

Sure, I remember reading "Helen Keller" when I was about 10, then "Neverending story" and "Notre-Dame de Paris" around 15 and "The three Musketeers" at about 19... those are the books I remember enjoying... along with my all time favorite "The little Prince" which I probably read 20 times!!! I did read many more out of obligation for school but they didn't really interested me. And then some more as an adult but you know who as time to read?!? In 40 and then some years it is not very much...

You know life... I was mostly into sport as a kid/teenager... Then I went to University and studied science... Started working, got sick, bought a house, had a kid, got divorce, then more sick (has it had never been resolved), worked, worked and worked while raising a kid and starting a new relationship... Reading? Come on! No time for that...

Then I got really sick and had time off... I read "Narnia", the whole 900 and some pages in 5 days as I couldn't do much else. I loved it and it made me want to pick up reading...  In order to resolve my health and mental issues, as suggested by my psychologist, I took up yoga. I started reading about it, along with anything about chakras meditation  healing... which led me to reading about Feng  Shui,  minimalism and nutrition. This is mostly what I did from 2003 to 2016.

In 2015, I was working part time and picked up reading a little more, widening my horizon, and this is where the idea of a reading marathon came along. At the pace I was reading then, and the time I allowed myself reading, 42 books in a year was challenging... it averaged 3,5 books per month!  But as I read more, I picked up speed and finally ended my 42nd book mid October! I was thrilled and by then I had became an avid reader! I expanded my reading list to pretty much anything!!! 

I had learned to let the Universe chose what I was reading... let me explain.   I would make a list of what my friends were reading, of what some stranger sitting next table to me was reading, I would take suggestions, note what book were mentioned in the one I was reading, pick up anything that draw my attention at the library either because it seemed misplaced or was a recommendation... I did not buy any books! Only library of friend's loan... I came to realize that I read 42 books in a little over 9 months that were all exactly what I needed when I read them!!! They were making me laugh when I needed to relax, cry when I had to let stuff go, reflect and dig deeper when I was ready for it... By letting things happen, I have resolved many issues during those 42 books!

Then, a friend of mine, suggested that I kept reading at the same pace, letting books come to me in the same way, until I reach 150  books claiming that something would happen... and it did!!! At the time I expected to reach that point by the end of 2018... but as they say, when something is important to you and you keep showing up to it, the Universe will make it so that you can keep doing it more and more! And this is what happened! It is now mid 2018 and I have read around 200 books. I am no longer keeping track, I just read a lot!  I have an ever growing list of to-read books.  I still let the books chose me and take what they have to teach me.  I have read numerous novels, old and new... scientific books on evolution, trees, animals... philosophy and psychology... more about meditation, yoga, chakras and the meaning of life... about religion and spirituality... biographies... I have to admit that in every book there was something to be learned! Every book carried a message.  I have been able to grow, learn and heal... I have resolved very old issues... and I like to believe that I am a better person for it.  I know that I am definitely happier and more at peace!

And, the most amazing thing is that as I read, I kept picking up speed, my memory improved and my brain started working in a different way... relationships between stuff were understood - links between seemingly unrelated subjects were seen... as if my brain became a giant web of knowledge and understanding! I am not pretending I know everything... far from it! But I know more and understand differently! I disvovered new interests. Life became clearer! I found my path... and developed a more regular meditation and yoga practice.  I also made reading a must in my daily routine. I will keep on reading... I don't know how I made it all those years without it...

I am grateful for my friend who will recognize himself here... it was one of the best suggestion anyone ever gave me!

Chloe 💜&✌

Monday, July 2, 2018

Life is though... 😉


The biggest life change since I stopped blogging almost two years ago is that I retired!

You read this right.... at the young age of 45, my last day of work was February 7th, 2018! My husband and I had been planning this for 4 years! I had been all my life...

Despite what I made myself believe for years I never was much into work... that is work traded in for money! I am not lazy... I am always busy, doing something! I just don't like rules, being told what to do when and dress codes! I loved most job I had but the most rewarding ones were the least well paid ones... and despite me being quite a feminist (but that is not the subject of this blog), I am happiest at home taking care of my loved ones! Confusing? For sure...  but I am a walking paparadoxe.

It took hard work as a couple to get to that point. Anyone who read me before knows that my husband and I had quite a few problems in our lives... and that I was a shopaholic! We had debts... went through many layoffs... and had a challenging financial situation for a very long time. But we worked on it... the psychological issues and the finances. Over the years we  decreased our family income almost three fold. We went from not making enough to having extra! Yes, you read that right - with almost 3x less money, we now have more then enough... are happier less stress and I could afford to retire!

Now, don't get me wrong... it hasn't been easy.  We had choices to make, decisions to take, healing to do... we had ups and down... and some fights... but we always had the same goal in mind! This is what made us succeed!

Now, you may wander why in 2018, we decided to live like it is 1918? Well for values mostly.  Call us old fashioned but I love to cook, clean and do laundry for my husband and son. They don't value me any less for it... they appreciate it. I am less tired and in a much better mood all the time... I laugh more!  We all have more time to sit down with each other and enjoy ourselves... it puts less strain on each one of us! We all are better people for it.

The decisions we made were to live in a smaller and older apartment but in the end, it feels more like home because I have time to take care of it and make it better... we also lowered the groceries budget (we still eat healthy food no worries), but having more time to cook and shop for food we have less waste and that is great in do many ways! Also by addressing my menu, I have chosen a few healthy and cheaper recipes that we eat over and over again - for someone's who's favorite hobby/chores is NOT cooking, that is perfect! We cut home internet (that was the subject of a previous blog) and that is one of the most freeing thing we have ever done - along with going back to flip phone! And last but not least, our "coffee" budget was decrease by half! We go as often except we've let go of the fancy, too high in sugar, drinks in favor or simpler coffees and teas! Less expensive and healthier!

As a result, we both have more energy, time, money to be out and about on week ends... I can still shop enough to satisfy my fashion sense... and I am no longer a shopaholic ( although well aware that once an addict always an addict)

I have all the time I need (or should I say want?), to read,  write, knit, sow,  do some art, crafts, practice my yoga/meditation, walk, enjoy nature, do my bird watching, sky observation, plant identification... I have time to fill myself up so that I can be of help to people around me. Isn't that what life is all about? What fun is it to always be tired and stress out?

It works very well for us... after 6 months, we all are happier... so why not? Who cares what people say or think?

Everyone has to find their winning combination!
It rarely is the obvious one.
Dig deep... meditate... listen to your inner self and then DARE TO BE YOU!!!

THE REAL YOU

THE YOU YOU WERE BEFORE THEY TOLD YOU WHO YOU SHOULD BE.

UNFUCK YOURSELF.

Chloe 💜&✌

Thursday, June 28, 2018

Living without home internet


For years now I haven't had cables... I would use Netflix. Of course it doesn't have everything so I had to come at peace with not knowing how some of the shows I was watching ended. But really, I can't even remember what those shows were!!!
 
And a few years back I gave up my smart phone for a flip phone with no internet access... That was a bigger shock! I felt completely disconnected... like life was happening without me! I even had a phase where I did not wanted to go out as much as I was unreachable in case of an emergency! Really? Who gets in touch with someone for an emergency over FB or IG? You use a phone!!! I got over this... in time...

I would access internet from my computer (which eventually died) and then an old iPod. As nothing last forever, nor for very long either anymore, that too died in May... so I bought a tablet -an android, not very expensive but it does what I need it to do!

Going to a flip phone decreased the time I was on line by a great deal! I couldn't check everything all the time anymore! And I slowly started enjoying being "away" from that 24/7 connection... So I would leave my home to get that feeling of being free, independent, not connected...

When I bought my tablet in May, I had this crazy idea of going without home internet - at least give it a try for the summer! I could check social mecias, emails and do my banking when I do to my daily coffe shop date with my husband - we go there to read/talk and stay a couple hours...  use the library to get movies, tv series... this would mean giving up YouTube for music but I could invest in a few CDs... or get some from the library... or just enjoy the silence!

It also meant I couldn't be able to look up random stuff on  the internet just for fun... But I wasn't doing it that much right?

Well, I have been internet free for 6 weeks now. I was using it much more then I thought! I was posting more then I realised and checking my "like" way too frequently... I was also watching more tv then I wished for... and the number of time I found myself wanting to check something on internet? Unbelievable... Things I might want or need, recipes I might do, videos I might watch... what happened to this star/personality, what is the outcome of a show... CRAZY!!! For me anyway....

After 6 weeks, I can say that besides when I write this blog, I spend maximum 30-45 minutes on the internet daily for everything! Then I get fed up... Check my 2 social media accounts and email daily, do my banking once a week, check library site once a week, read an article or look something up once in a blue moon...

What do I do with the extra 2-3 hours daily? I read more... even more! I picked up Sudoku, started knitting again and I am working on a couple secret projects... you guys will be the first to know when the time comes.

The best outcome of all this? My morning routine! I can't check internet/socia, media's upon rising... therefore my yoga/meditation practice as gain a lot from that! I am now getting close to an hour practice of meditation, breathing, asanas... and my whole body-mind-spirit is thanking me for it! I also find myself sitting down in silence for a short breathing/meditation session in the afternoon and at night!

I can see more clearly... enjoy my life as I can't compare to that of others as much... I am more present... and way more creative!!!

I would highly recommend to everyone to try some sort of letting go of the constant connection... there are many ways to do so... look it up! Try it! Who knows who you might find behind that phone!?!

Chloe 💜&✌

Tuesday, June 26, 2018


Hello my lovely readers!
I am back!!!

It has been almost two years...
a lot happened and I'll go over it slowly...
in time.

I stopped writing because I was hurt, felt betrayed and "broken" into a million pieces. It took time. Hard work. But I managed to put all the pieces back together. And now, as a result I want to write again... for me. Because I love it and I missed it.

However, you might notice that the pieces were not put back exactly the same way they used to be. It's a different version of me... a more peaceful me... a new version that I love more and care for. As a result my writing will be different too. As I mention on the front page, I no longer use labels to describe myself... I took the opportunity of being into a million pieces to get out of my self-made jail... and I put myself back together out of it! I also took this opportunity to fully accept myself for who I am - I let my light shine bright. We all should.

What about you? Care to share anything?

Chloe 💜&✌

Friday, October 28, 2016

Less then a month to go...




Well, well, well... time flies!!!  There is less then a month to go for my shopping ban that started last year! You can read about it here.

Next black Friday in November 25th...  please BUY NOTHING!!! I know I won't!!!

During this year, I have learned that no matter how much you THINK you NEED something... wait it out and it will pass...  almost always...  with a few exceptions! I mean, it is reasonable to assume that eventually all our clothes will worn out...  and especially socks, underwear and footwear... even more so when you don't have a car!  In your home, what you have now is OK... you don't need more... and probably could do with less...  only buy to replace something that no longer is usable.

Use it up. Wear it our. Make it do. Do without.

It has been my mantra for the last year and will remain so for the rest of my life...

My biggest issue, just like most women, was clothes...  and I realized that clothes are really just covering your body (Sweet November movie)... of course they should make you feel good... but play around with what you have... modify your clothes to your liking ( scissors are my best friend)...  get second-hand and make them fit your lifestyle and style!  Be creative... life should be FUN! And getting dress too! It's easy to hem something or just cut it without hemming...  add patches to elbows... or change the buttons... you can also dye something you like but no longer care for the color...  Look into the men's section of your favorite thrift store...

Next biggest spending would be kitchen... who needs 25 pots and pans? A set of dishes for every occasion? A set of dishes and silverware for guests? No one really... sorry to break it to you! Every day is a special occasion...  everyone eating at your table is a guest... plus older dish wear were actually sturdier and last longer...  I have dishes that date back to the 50`s and 60's found in an antique store... and they don't even match because when you buy random items that are not a "set" it is MUCH cheaper!  Plus it gives you the chance to select the plate for each guest to your table!  As for pots and pans, just refine the way you eat, re-organize your cooking schedule and you'll be able to do with much much less!!! And you'll spend less time in the kitchen and more with you family and/or guests!  It's a win-win!

As for music, film and books, you can legally (and this really matters to me - everyone deserves to be paid for their work and creativity) download, borrow from a friend or the library, or buy used and sell back after...

And it goes on and on... there is so much second-hand stuff available that you really do not need to buy anything new anymore... or hardly!

Think about it... and if you still choose to buy new, and I know I do sometimes, make sure you'll use it up or wear it out.

Thanks for boycotting this coming Black Friday.

Be who you are... DREAM your life... LIVE your dream...
namaste
love&peace,
chloe
xox