My no spend November - summary

Well here we are...  November is almost over...  so is the experiment!

I will share, Saturday morning, the final colored calendar but I would like to share my reflections so far as I am already preparing for December and next year.

This no spend November or no spend month as been very interesting in making me realize that, basically, I suck at making a budget!  All those years of keeping a budget, not following a budget, calculating my budget 4 times a month and getting in financial troubles...  always getting out of them but still...  unnecessary stress I think!

I can do better....  much better and I will.

I am good a budgeting for rent and utilities...  Not so much for food and the money we spend in coffee shop! And completely null when it comes to unexpected stuff - like car maintenance and repair, replacing damaged beyond repair clothes or other stuff...  and non-realistic about what we like to spend our money on! That changed over the year from spending on stuff to spending on experiences but still spending. And we are OK with that.

We are not people to save money... we have it, we spend it!  It's an energy, it needs to move! And we do have retirement funds so spending what is left is not so much a problem in a way...  but we have goals, dreams and we want to make these come true.

So, moving forward, I will do the following to ensure our budget reflects our actual lifestyle and ensure we can achieve long term goals too!

One thing I have learn over the time, and that this month has confirmed, is that we are not good at restraining ourselves too much...  and if we forbid each other from spending money, we'll want to spend it more!  Therefore we need to reach an equilibrium!

From now on, I have created in my bullet journal, a page for each month (like in the above picture - I have completed it after I took the picture, I am just not comfortable sharing all our numbers) and will use it to track our spending.  It will greatly help establishing trends and see where everything goes as well as insure we get it on with number 4), 5) and 6) below!  I have a color for budgeted items, a color for authorized expenses for the month (like Christmas related expenses in December), a color for items we had not planned for but have no choice (like emergency dentist appointment) and a color for money we spend but we could and should have done without - like buying an extra pair of jeans.

1) Track money spend on food - I already mentioned that my food budget includes everything bought at the grocery store and health stores - toilet paper, soap, shaving blades, toothbrush, feminine product, etc... so I have to account for those in my budget!  I am pretty on target about how much food I buy but I need to either leave room for those toiletries in my budget or starve when I need to buy all of them on the same month!

2) We are coffee shop fans! Currently Starbucks, as the choice where we live is quite limited, but we love to spend time in coffee shops in general, drink coffee/tea and read...  We have been doing this for years and even though we recently slowed down and are doing more of it in the comfort of our cozy home, we will always be doing that.  As I said, we had recently, at the beginning of 2018, halved our budget for such expenditure and in November I tried cutting it further 40% but it has shown to be too much... a further cut of 20% is what we can live with.  We have now establish that!

3) We will also both have an allowance.  This way, we can spend money as we wish without having to do a family reunion and discussion/negotiation... and so on...  It is a fair amount that will makes us both happy and also allow us to reach our objectives in a decent amount of time. This money will not appear in my tracking of expenditure - it is discretionary money and needs to remain so.  We can do whatever we want with it - save it, spend it... it doesn't matter.

4) We will expedite paying our credit card - there is a small amount on it currently but we will make this priority number one with estimated balance to 0$ by the end of January 2019!

5) We will start to seriously work on an emergency fund. This should take care of unplanned expenses eventually.  We want our emergency fund to be 3 months of expenses - including a little extra... We should have it by the end of 2019.

6) Once we have all that covered, we will start saving for our big project which is happening in more or less 4 years - this will give us more then enough time to get enough money aside for this dream we have to come true!

I know we can do this if my husband and I work as a team!  We have come so far and already did quite a lot together in other areas of our lives - we can now work on the financial aspect and both working on the same goals will make it so much more easier then if we had different dreams!!!

In conclusion, I am really happy I've put myself through this challenge... There will probably be more non spend months in the near future!

Have you done a no spend month?  What did you learn? How do you handle money in your homes?

If you liked what you read, please share...  thanks!

Chloe 💜&✌

My soldier

I never wrote about this. Because I was not ready to go there yet.

Being a mom is hard. It's the job of a lifetime.  Te most demanding job you'll ever have.  There are no 40h a week or part-time, no Holidays, no vacation, no time off EVER!!!

When my son was born it almost took both our lives...  but we both survived. It created that connection.  I knew then, that the only work that would really matter was being the best mom I could to that little boy. I had to let this boy become who he wanted to be - the best version of himself.

In order to do that.  In order to keep my promise, I had to turn my life upside down for so many reasons.  But this post is not about how I did that...

It is rather about the fact that my son is a soldier.

I know, I get it a LOT!!!  Your SON?  A soldier???  HOW???

Well, it is what it is.  And let me tell you how it happened...

A few months after he turned 13th, while he was in 8th grade, he came to me one night and said "I am going to be in the army when I grow up".  To which I replied "OK, we'll talk about it later, you are too young now". Thinking that it would give me 5 years to change his mind...  I have no idea how I thought I could change his mind...  If you think I am stubborn, well he beats me! And quite frankly, it should not have been a surprise...  and it wasn't really, I just didn't wanted to see it.

At 12, this little boy already knew more about WWI and WWII that pretty much anyone who had not lived through them and certainly more then even some who lived through it... He knew about which country was against which other, the allied, the enemies, when they joined the war and why...  Which weapons, tanks and airplanes were used.... a pretty good idea of the number of lives taken... To my greatest despair, anytime I would bring him to a book store to try and have him read something he would chose a book on either of those wars...  a documentary?  Had to be on WWI or WWII to have him watch it... and don't get me started on presentations and researches at school - all about that too!!!

Where it surprised me, is that this boy, has always been very pacifist...  he would resolve conflict at school, he absolutely adores animals and never got into a fight!!! He took yoga with me and did meditation... he is all about healing lights and energy like my husband...  past lives and karma!  He even has a Tibetan Om tattooed on his shoulder - it was his first tattoo!

Going back, a year later, at 14, we had moved away from home and he wanted to join the cadets - saying it would help him join the army.  I agreed... I didn't think he would survive the cadets - shining the boots, putting on a uniform, standing so so straight... standing up for so long, staying still... but he LOVED it!!!  And I saw him, through the cadet program evolve, mature, get more disciplined and goal oriented...  and he finally got self-confidence! It was truly a blessing.

No matter which sports he did as a kid, he was always pretty average at it or above average but it never got him self-confidence.  We had him tried a lot of sports and activities - he took drawing, guitar, piano, yoga, tennis, badminton, swimming, soccer, judo...  he had all kinds of different summer camps at the local zoo, on art, sports...  nothing worked like the cadets to bring up his self-confidence.

I still presented him with options career and jobs wise when he was between 13 and 16th...  but nothing interested him really.  Nothing was of a deep enough interest for him to excel at it!  Even though he was quite good at many non-academic stuff, it never became a passion.

The only thing he was, and still is, passionate about was the army.

Eventually he went on the Internet and found all the information to apply to the army.  Figured out he could join the Reserve at 16. He was then a little over 15.  So it came back to haunt me... it scared the shit out of me... REALLY.  So we talked it through... I wanted to make sure he was not overly frustrated and had some buried agressivity coming from a broken home... but he kept showing me pictures and texts and videos of amazing thing soldiers do aside from going to war... and he explained why they go to war...  and his convincing argument was "mom, you say you want to change the world, and what you do is cool but there is another way to change it and we need an army and we need people to sacrifice their life and freedom so that you can have yours and live your life the way you do - we need soldier to protect woman and kids, people to build villages and schools..."

After that,  even though he knew and respected that I was never going to be "pro-war" and that I respected his well researched decision, we agreed that on the day of his 16th birthday we would go to the recruitment center and he would apply.  He needed me to sign for him. He said it was his best birthday gift ever. To me, it was the more costly ever.

Moving along, here we are, 19 months after his oath. He his the happiest 18th year old boy I have ever seen...  he loves his jobs which he does full time.  After graduating high school he started working full time with the Reserve.  He his now awaiting his transfer to the Regular Forces and cannot wait to get even more into it.  Honestly, adolescence was almost nonexistent...  pretty easy ride compare to what I was told I should expect!

He has become a young man, miles away from the 13th years old boy saying he wanted to join the army when he grew up. He is responsible, serious, dependable, self-confident and opinionated - he knows this is what he wants to do.  He has found friends and a "family".  People he cares for, people who are there for him, people who's life may one day depend on him but also people who may one day save his life...

I am really proud of his progress.  I am happy he already found what he wants to be when he grows up - I still have no clue and  I am 46!  It shows I did what I promise myself when he was born: I helped him realize his dream and true potential...

I am still against war.
I am still a peace & love hippie freak...

And I am SO INCREDIBLY scared of what could happen to him...
But I know, this is what he wants,  I know he's not going to be stupid.
And we all know the dangers.
I have to trust him.  And life.

I have to let go.
It is a wonderful gift to have such a healthy, responsible and happy son.
But it is also a curse... in a way.  I will never be sure he is safe. Ever.

They say your kids do not belong to you... and I totally agree... but sometime,  I just wish he would have "belonged" to me a little longer...

I am now part-time living with an almost man3soldier3kid who is only 18 years old!

This is all very confusing...
There are never any script written to be a mom...  but there surely is nothing around me resembling the role I have to play now.  I am making up as I go...  hoping I am doing an OK job...

wishing you all of you guys a safe and happy Holiday season...

if you liked what you read, please share...

Chloe 💜&✌

About perfection

Yesterday I published something on social media to the effect that I had somewhat failed my No Spend November and One Year Shopping ban on clothes (even of there is 11 months of it left)...  because I gave in and bought a pair of pants and a skirt - both for fall/winter.

I felt like I had let down people...

The responses I got were not at all what I was expecting.  You guys were awesome, forgiving, understanding and supporting.  I am not use to that. I love you guys.  Thank you.

Although my husband said that it showed I was only Human... and honest, I still felt like somehow, I failed.  Again.

He is supporting me in all those crazy challenges and changes I make to our household...  never really questioning, or saying I am just being plain crazy.  And I can be.  I know.

But sometimes he asked me one very precise, direct and appropriate question... and because I really consider all the feedback I get, even more so if it comes from him, I always think it through.  Most times, he really hits a nerve... and annoys me in a sense but once I meditate on it and ponder, I can see the answer... and it allows me to evolve.  A lot.

They say that people who do not talk much, when they do, you should listen.  My husband is one of those guys.

Yesterday he asked me "why are you so hard on yourself?".

I didn't know.  Because this is what I do.  This is what I always did.

But at the same time, I cannot consider myself  a perfectionist.  Not at all.  If no one is watching, I am all over the place, I start things and do not finish, good enough is more than enough, I like to try stuff but stop if I no longer like it for any reason, and I am free spirited...

If no one was ever watching, I would be much "less hard on myself"...  I do not care as much as I would like too... I like to work on myself and get to a better version of me but a version of me that do not drives me crazy... or is so demanding...

So the answer to his question is:  to impress people I do not really care about anymore. People who judged me to be without ambition and not good enough.

For example, when I was posting a lot about food and veganism, I would make all those recipes, try all those things... I had books, web site, lists...  I would take picture, send recipes to people asking... but I hated it.  I hate cooking.  I hate having to follow a complicated recipe.  To me, it it has more then 10 ingredients and requires more then 20 minutes of work, it is too complicated! I like to make simple plant-based meals. I just truly believe that this is the healthiest way to do for us and for the planet. And by convincing everyone and sharing so much, I would convert people to veganism...  and therefore be a good person, a likable person...  someone with ambition and someone who succeeded...  but quite frankly, I was not doing it for me.  So I stopped.

Then I went on the next thing...  minimalism, then yoga, followed by reading, followed by knitting, and by camping, and then came no spend month, and shopping bans...

I really truly like all those things.
For me.
They make me feel good, they help me relax and stay healthy...

I do yoga, read, write, walk, knit almost all daily... but I also watch Netflix! Because I like it.

And I am pretty sure all those things can also help many others... I know it does. So I share.
But I just can't excel at any of it.
Because it is not me.

So why do I keep trying?
Because I was raised that way.  I was conditioned to be the best.  At anything.  But it truly annoys me... and I have long ago, so I thought, came to peace with it.  But is seems like it resurfaces every now and then.

I just like to do my stuff.  My way.

I am not a white or black person.  I am all shades of grey.

I'd like to be the "perfect" vegan... and even thought I never eat meat, fish, poultry and cheese...  I can eat eggs... and I will not say no to a warm croissant even if I know it has butter... or a piece of Turtles or caramel M&M. I do not wear fur, or wool or leather jacket but my best boots are made of leather. Being the perfect vegan is just to demanding for me.

I'd like to be the "perfect" minimalist but I like clothes...  too much doesn't make me happy, but never will I own only 20 pieces of timeless clothes....timeless is not for me.  I like colors and boho like and funky clothes... I also like thrifting but sometimes buying a new piece in a fast fashion store feels good! Even if ethically it's a no-no! What if I really do wear it for many many years? Which is almost always the case... can't I look the other way on some occasion???

I'd like to do a "perfect" clothes shopping ban or no spend month...  but I got to be honest, I can be careful but I do believe that some occasion will not happen the next month... for example, the Christmas market is in November... there will not be one in December...  should I just deprive myself of buying home made local gifts?!?  We have no serious debt issues, our budget more then plenty cover our expenses and gives room for emergency and vacations and activities...  For sure I'd like to finally have an emergency fund but do I have to come up with it in 6 months? What if it took me a year to come up with it?  I never had one and we use to have so many debts and no room on our credit card...  We've come a long way...  And we'll keep on going because we have the same objectives...

As for knitting, I do leg warmers, and sleeves and scarves... because they are easy.  Following a pattern is not relaxing.  You have to count and keep track and focus...  I knit to relax. Period.

I'd like to be the "perfect" yogi.  I do have my almost daily home practice and meditation.  I try and follow the principles as much as I can... But I do not have a teacher training, I never went to an Ashram in India or did a silent retreat... and maybe one day I'll be there and maybe not...  but that's OK.  I never read the Sutras or Baghava Gita. Yoga has made me a better person.  A calmer person.  It has helped me manage my stress and get to know me better...  made me realize that I am not black and white... and there is no sense beating myself over it.  Most of the time.

I'd like to be the "perfect" reader.  But come on, some of those classics are really boring! They just ramble on and on....  like the author didn't even know where he was going. And some of the new published books are truly amazing! I am not into romance novel (even as I kid, I didn't like fairy tales) or thrillers (stresses me out to much) but I like to read just about anything else... as long as it keeps me awake! And sometimes I just do not finish a book.  Or I fast-read it. I'm OK with that.

Maybe no one is perfect.
Or maybe it's just me.

But I have to come to term with the fact that I am not a perfectionist.
I no longer want to try to prove anyone that I can be.

I am grey.  And happy to be. Ggrey goes with all colors...  Right?

I can be just enough of vegan, minimalist, yogi, camping girl, bohemian at times and wanderer at others...

Maybe the next challenge I join should be to "not strive for perfection to try and impress people I do not care about"???

What do you guys think?

After all, there is so much this girl can do without driving herself crazy and be unhappy.

I chose flaws.  I chose imperfection. I chose happiness.

Chloe 💜&✌

What I think of Black Friday

I can't remember when it started precisely...  but I remember, one year having a friend told me that we were following into the "great foot steps of the USA" and we were starting to have a Black Friday!!!  And she was very exited about it... after she explained to me what it was, so was I. I was a VERY different person back then.  I can't even recognize myself.

This seems a million years ago...
She is no longer a friend. And I am no longer exited about Black Friday.  Those are probably related...

So for a few years, I enjoyed Black Friday.  I thought it was an amazing idea to have all those sales a month before Christmas... look at all the money I could save!!! And that way, I could beat the crowd and do all my shopping before the malls got really busy!!!

Silly me...

Back then, I am not sure about now, or if every where is the same... but most sales were for grown up stuff and we had 3 young kids... 10 and under...  so Black Friday was used to buy gifts for grown ups and mostly my husband and I... as I was a shopaholic, I spend way too much money...  that I had not budgeted for... and I still had to buy gifts for 3 kids!!! And sometimes more depending on nieces and nephews... I actually never did save money on Black Friday - I spend too much.  Way too much. Like most people do.

A few weeks later, I would go back to the mall (who am I kidding?  those days, I was at the mall pretty much every day!!! - do not judge, this is a REAL addiction unfortunately), and buy stuff for the kids and of course more stuff for me...  If I want to not look to bad, I could say that between my birthday on November 19th and Christmas, I would easily spend 1000$... If I am being more realistic, it was probably way closer to 2000$!

And guess what?  All the stuff that was on sale on Black Friday was still on sale pretty much until Christmas, then for boxing day and as end of season sale till the end of February! Right?

But it took me a while to see that...  I didn't want to see it... I needed shopping...  I had this addiction... I had to work it out, find the roots of it and heal...  I can now proudly say that as off a couple of years ago my addiction is under control.  Of course once an addict always an addict but I try and keep it in the back of my closet (which is now much more empty)...  I gave myself tricks and tools... but this is not the subject of this post...

So today, Black Friday, which has turned into a week and then pre-Black Friday sales and Black Friday month for some store...  just like Boxing day is now Boxing week... I stay away from stores... and this No Spend November is of great help!  I think No Spend November will be an annual thing from now on...

I understand that in some instances, it can be smart to get something on that day, or week, or pre-day! Hahaha! But if, and only if, you absolutely need ( an actual real need) for an item that you know the actual regular price and is it really greatly discounted and you have the money for it...  If all those conditions are there, go for it! But don't fall into the idiots trap that you need something and the this is a once in a lifetime offer... because you probably do not really need it and the price is probably not a once in a lifetime offer!

See, companies and stores, spend billions of dollars each year to convince us that we need stuff, more stuff, new stuff, prettier stuff, unique stuff, never before seen stuff...  and it works!  Of course it does... and don't think you are above it!  No one is.  Some are as close as it gets because they became aware of the trap and opted out of it but it's a constant fight.  Trust me.  Marketing companies have teams of specialists to insure they play with your brains in all the right ways (Have you ever seen an add where people are fat, ugly, poor, unhappy, sick, miserable???).  If it didn't work, our economic system would collapse...  and if you ask me, we'd be better off for so many reasons, but I bet most people would disagree.

So those billions of dollars are spend to convince you to buy stuff you do not need, with money you do not really have, to impress people you do not really like... and it works.  Over and over again.

If you want to break free of that cycle, here's one of my trick...

Thoreau said that "the price of anything is the amount of life exchanged for it".

And that makes SO. MUCH. SENSE.

For example, let's say you really want that sweater that is half priced at 60$, and you earn 18$ an hour (gross), after all the deductions, you net hourly wage is 14.40$.  This means your sweater cost you just about 4h of work... is it really worth it???  If you start doing this for everything you buy, it does put things into perspective... it allows you to prioritize where you wish to spend your money and it you really do the math and can actually decrease your spending enough, perhaps you could do something else with that money...  travel, work part time, take a sabbatical in a few years or maybe even retire early...

Get down to your calculator guys!  Do the math.  Prioritize. And you'll have the life YOU always dreamed off.

Stay away from Black Friday.  Please.

if you liked this post, do not forget to subscribe at the top of the page and share!!!



Chloe 💜&✌

Not always easy...

I will dare do what very few people do...  yet again one might think...

I don't know if you think about this or have realized it but you probably did...  when you look at social media, everything is always so pretty... rarely do you see a picture of someone right out of bed on a bad morning... or a couple fighting... or kids screaming their head out...  or people dying (unless it has to do with "smoking is bad for you")... or bad things happening to good people...  rarely will someone post about having to spend their vacation in because they had to get braces for their kids and just lost their job... and yet, all these are real life shit.  It happens. To real people.  Everyday.

Social media have become the Joneses

Same for blogs...  I use to follow tons of blogs written by people that are vegan, minimalist, frugal, healthy eating, better living...  etc...  All those blogger, or the vast majority of them seemed flawless... they had it all figured out! Like all those happy pretty go lucky people on social media!  They talk about their amazing results... paying off their debt, losing tons of weight, fighting off cancer, having publish their 10th book, traveling the world...  like there is no limit.

And I got annoyed....

It made me feel as if I was the only one having some bad days.  Ever.

Yeah yeah, yeah... I know the secret.  The Universe is limitless.  You can do anything. Everything happens when you really want it to...  you attract what you send out... and so on... but COME ON!!!

Everyone slip and fail sometimes...  Life is not a straight line, working toward a goal is not a straight line.  There are ups and downs... and detours.

So I started unfollow people, unsubscribe to some blogs...  people who seemed fake, too good to be true...  people who were so into their image that they would not let the flaws shine through. And is it me or messy and flaw is really sexy???

Of course I follow positive people, I like pretty pictures of nature and stuff but I also want honesty, and feel like you are not lying to me or hiding the big mess behind.

I am all for pretty.
I am all for honesty.
I am all for authenticity.
I think they can co-exist.

The truth is, the Universe IS limitless.  But Humans are not.  We have backgrounds, and the right connections or not, we all have patterns and conditioning that we need to sort out...  we all do it at our own pace.  And no one is always in a good mood and stress free and THAT pretty! NO ONE.  Ever!

So if I am following you, I want so see the good of course as source of motivation and hope, but I also want to see the bad and the ugly.  What have your struggles been? Where did you fail? When did you wanted to give up?  Why did you? Or did you not?

I try and be positive all the time.  I try and post only nice things.  Because I feel like this is what will attract more followers, more like, more readers... but quite frankly, on some days it is just to damn hard.  And I let the messy out and I've notice that those are actually the post that seem to be read the most! It feels like I am not the only one looking for authenticity.  And I think, that I will stay positive and motivating but I will be a little more true, a little more honest, a little more authentic.

Today is one of those days.  A messy one.  One where I wonder why I bother so much?  Why I try to not waste food, and not spend money and buy ethical clothes... Why do I always watch what I eat? Why am I so strict with my writing and reading and yoga practice? WHY??? I really do wonder! 

WHY THE f@#K DO I BOTHER???

(and then I write here and it becomes more clear)

But it doesn't mean I am giving up... I know why I do it.  I know it matters to me.  And is the most important thing.  You and I  have to do what matters to you and I.

I bother because I live with a chronic illness and if I am not that discipline, I would not be as healthy as I am now - I have to avoid certain food, stay as lean as I can, do my yoga to manage stress, write because it helps me to get rid of my patterns and conditioning, read because it keeps my brain active, allows me to learn more and also is a way to run away from reality sometimes...

I don't want to waste food because people are starving all over the world so who am I to waste the food that could save their life?

I bother because no one should develop a nervous system disorder because "those jeans are so pretty" or "this actress wears that dress"... and kids should be kids, not slave of clothes manufacturing  industry - no matter where they were born.

And I could go on and on...  there are so many things that could go better on this planet...

I have to care... and so do you.

BUT IT IS NOT EASY.
Nothing ever worth doing is.

Of course, when I feel down, it would be easier to stuff my face at McDonald's and grab the credit card and go on a shopping spree... easier on the short run (I use to do it I know).  But not on the long one.  And I am planning on being here for the long run.  So I take the rough way.  I don't always succeed...  I fail...  and try again... and again.  For example, when I set out to do a No Spend November but end up with 3 red days - I could have hidden it from you - who would have know?  I would.  I like honesty and authenticity in others but mostly in myself.  So this No Spend Month will have to get another try...  until I get it!

So how do I do it?

I keep my objectives in mind.  I write them every where.  I repeat them all the time.

And when I want to give up, I breathe.  And cry.  I do cry.  A LOT!!!

And let it pass...  because it always does.  And then I get better. And I keep on trying.

For those of you who have witness a baby wanting to stand up and walk...  have you ever seen one just standing up and walk a mile on the very day they decide to do it? of course not... they grab on something to first learn to stand up...  and fall... then they walk assisted...  and fall again.. and then, days or weeks  (sometimes months) later, they are on their own... but they still fall when going to fast or trying to run... for a few years...

Well tell yourself this, anything you set out to do is like a baby learning to walk... it takes time, dedication and you will fall.  Unless you are not human.  Or a liar.

On that note, I will go read a book...  to just feel good and forgot all about my messy life... cuz today, it is what it feels like:  a big messy one!

Even if I know I have tons of people around me to be grateful for. And overall a pretty awesome life.

If you liked this please share... tks

Chloe 💜&✌

No spend November - halfway done!!!

I decided to do a No Spend November. It just made sense.  here's why.

1) For years now, I have been boycotting Black Friday.
2) On October 11th, I declared a year long clothes shopping ban.
3) I have a very small debt of 2261$ left that I wish to repay ASAP
4) My husband and I have a big mid term goal and we need to focus to get it done right

I thought it would be difficult...  much more than it actually is.  We are half way through and I think we are doing great.

We have had:

7 no spend days
6 days spending money for budgeted stuff i.e. food, Starbucks, rent, utilities
2 red days.

These, I need to explain a little.  The first one, as you can see was on November 3rd.  I was not impressed.  Actually, quite upset. My husband had forgotten that he badly needed rain gear for hiking. I agreed and bought it.  Well, to this date, the rain gear has not arrived and we now have snow, so I am pretty sure that by the time it comes here, it won't be use for a few months until spring shows up. It's done now so move on. The second day, the car broke and it could not wait to be fix.  Something to do with the direction.  Safety first, we got it fixed.

These are not excuses, they are facts.  From those facts, I learned a few things...  I am really poor at budgeting.   I want my budget to be so low, that it is not realistic. And then, when life happens, well, we're screwed - because all that extra money we thought we had we ended up spending on God knows what.

I also realize that I'd rather pay my bills and buy food and load up my Starbucks card on the same days when possible...  having as many dark green days (0$ spend days) in a row as I can is really stimulating and exiting!  I do realize that having to deal with really crazy weather lately, it is not always possible to go out and buy our food when we'd like...  I have to accept that.

Another thing I am learning is that my food budget, which for me includes toiletries and cleaning product and all that stuff you need in a home, is not realistic.  I am pretty set on how much it costs us to eat.  And I try an squeeze all the other stuff in there, but on those months where, for some reason, we need to buy everything there is simply not enough.  And that is this month.  As a result, I am already expecting to exceed my food budget by a little. I also realized that I am better off taking out the money for food at the beginning of the month and pay cash - seeing the pile of money decreasing makes me more conscious of what I buy. Also, the no food waste challenge has HELPED a lot with lowering my food budget - it's amazing how when you don't throw food away, you need to buy less!  You should try it! Unless you are already there.  I was not.  At all. Not even close.

Another thing, is when we group our purchases on a few days, we end up using the car much less which in turns saves us on gas! So far, we are halfway through the month and we have not use 1/3 of the gas we use on those months where we don't go anywhere special.

Moving forward, I am planning my budget for December now.  I have increased my food budget to include toiletries. I also will plan for Christmas - a few gifts, a movie, a restaurant...  you know! I don't want Christmas to be red days!  As, even though I will take  little break in December, we will still monitor our finances really closely.

My husband and I are also discussing the way to make the budget and track our finances starting January 2019 as this year will be another turning point in our lives.  We are planning on finishing off this debt and raise an emergency fund.  We will plan better stuff like license plates and driver's license, annual National Park access pass, car maintenance and repairs, socks and underwear replacement, a little money for hobbies and activities...  By now, we know what we like to do at what time of the year so it's easy to plan accordingly.  I also think that if we track everything for a year, I 'll figure out what we miss or forget and will eventually come up with a budget that reflects our life...  and allow us, once we have the emergency fund in place to have all kind of extra money to travel!

We elected ME manager of finances!  A role I've had for a while but never took seriously...  Now, with this no spend November, I am getting dead serious about finances. I am proving that I can step up to the challenge, learn to say "No, this has to wait" and use the same discipline I have in other areas of my life to get us back on track money wise - although we are not very far.  I know that. But with that little extra control over money, we'll be able to do more of the stuff we love!

By the end of November, I will get back to you and let you know all the other great and exiting stuff we are planning!!!

Can I ask you a favor?  I know I am not writing this blog as a competition to get a million readers... but a little more would be nice...  so if you do like what you read, can you please share it???
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Chloe 💜&✌

Update on clothes shopping ban

Earlier in September I declared a month long shopping ban which, a few weeks later,  turned into a year long shopping ban.

The initial one had forced me into looking more closely at my wardrobe and made me realize that, once again, I ended up with too many clothes.  Way too many.  Even though over the years I had learn to wear 80% of my clothes, 80% of the time (contrary to most people who wear 20% of their clothes, 80 % of the time), I could only do so because I would change my outfit twice per day! It didn't made sense.  Also, I would sometimes force myself to wear something so that I can claim I am wearing ALL my clothes! Stupid! I KNOW!!! It also made me see that I had not broke free of the endless cycle:  buy clothes, wear clothes, purge wardrobe, rinse and repeat. My actual addiction to clothes was STILL there. My spending money on clothes was still to much.  Way too much.  Even though I can afford it, maybe I'd like to have more funds available for more experiences! Thrifting and sales were not a reason to get more - they are meant to spend less.  My wardrobe, my clothes and my outfits were actually defining me.  It seemed way too superficial for what I wanted to achieve... for who I want to be.

I always have in the back of my head those words from Charlize Theron in Sweet November: "...clothes are just meant to cover your body...".  It is so RIGHT.  So very smart and sometimes I have to admit I watch the movie only for that... as a reminder.  Plus the super timeless funky outfits! You can, even with a smaller wardrobe, cover your body in style!

So I started looking into ways to break the cycle... the endless cycle, and as it turns out, every one said to do a year long shopping ban on clothes.  So I opted for it...  I did try it before but it was way too early in my recovery so it failed...  and failed... and failed.  Again. This time around, I am happy to say that besides the winter boots and hat I had included in my exceptions, as I really needed them where I live, I have stayed clear of buying clothes. Almost two months.  I actually have no desire to buy clothes. Honestly.

When I set out to do the challenge initially, I had many items...  and when I looked into options to break the cycle, I also realize that hanging on to everything "just because" no longer made sense... I also came across a strict method to curate my closet.  It took my a week of "let's do this" and then "but you'll have nothing left and you'll have to buy but you can't"...  but I finally decided to do it.  No matter what.  I emptied my closet and put everything on my bed. EVERYTHING.  I then tried everything on because I knew that I had lost 12lbs over the summer and that obviously some clothes would no longer fit...  even though I tried to make them fit pretexting they were just a more baggy, relaxed look! To help me out I used the following questions:

1) Do I really like this item?  Would I buy it again?
2) Do I force myself to wear this?
3) Is there something in my schedule requiring such an item? (eg, formal dress)
4) Is this the actual me or the "old" me that I am hanging on to?
5) Does it really fit me?

and forced myself to be brutally honest. It took a couple of hours... but,

I ended up donating 1/3 of my closet and putting aside a few more items just in case - but by the end of my shopping ban, if I did not go back to wear them they will also be donated.  I also put all my hangers backwards and every time I wear something I turn it around.  This will ensure that I wear everything in my closet over a year. So far, so good!

Looking more closely into my wardrobe and being really honest was hard.  Really hard.  However, really eye opening. It gave results and it kind of help me realize that I had some clothes because they were the right thing to own, or because they reflected my age or in case I was seeing specific people (basically a disguise) or, and this is my favorite, because people would compliment me on them.  Really? Almost 46 and still looking for outside validation.  Enough.

I came to realize that I am a jeans/t-shirt/flannel shirt/ sweater/cardigan/boho tops type girl!  The simpler the better.  The more layers, the better.  I can wear long jeans, short jeans, jean skirt... most of my bottoms right now are jeans.  The only other things I really like are corduroy or velvet.  I now own very few bottoms outside jeans and I am not sure they will all make the cut.  As for footwear, Birkenstock, ankle boots, hiking boots! Period.  This is the REAL me.  This is how I am comfortable and from now on, it will be take it or leave it.

Only barely two months into my shopping ban and I feel like I have come so far!

Next in my journey, finding more sustainable ways of shopping for clothes. Wearing your clothes until they are unwearable is one option. Thrifting is another that I am aware of but sometimes it feels nice to get something new right? There must be stores out there that have good quality jeans or other stuff I like, ethically made at a decent price...  I will research that and I will also look at the documentary "The true cost" again as if I recall correctly they were hinting at better options!

Have you gone through your wardrobe recently and pin point at the ghosts in it?

Chloe 💜&✌