And yet, another year as passed by...

As you may know already, I like to reflect upon my life when my birthday comes by...not on New Year's day or around that time... to me, the years are marked more by the time I was born then anything else... It is more significant to me.

It makes birthday not as easy and perhaps I should stop doing that...  I had said to myself, that this year, I would not do it...  but it started happening again this year over the week end. I couldn't help it...

I will soon be 43!  And I really have no problem with that...  I am at a place in my life that I enjoy...  I have a loving husband and a wonderful teenage son.  I can work less hour doing something I love...  I have sufficient time to do the things I love like reading, cooking, baking, walking and enjoying tea with friends... I have plans for short and mid-term... I am almost done with debt...

I am becoming more and more who I wanted to be... although, I will never be a psychologist, like I would have wanted to, I am becoming more at peace with that and I am trying to see that even without the degree in itself, people do come to me to talk things through - like they always did!  I may not get the pay that comes with it, but the rewards of helping others is still there... and worth more then then money that could come out of it.

I am happy to say that 12 years after being diagnoses and just about 18 years after my first symptoms, I still have vibrant health...  Becoming vegetarian, then vegan was the best thing I ever did for myself...  Jumping on the minimalist wagon was the next best thing I did.... and as years passes by, I do not regret those decisions... and I am becoming more and more convinced that these are the best ways to live a healthy life...  for myself, others and the planet. In doing so, I live a more compassionate life then I ever did...

I have become more assertive of those values of mine...  as well as being a pacifist and environmentalist...  I have had my share of ups and down about being able to "change the world" but I think that in a way, as long as with all of you guys, we are changing it.  Slowly... but surely... I also discovered that I cannot be quiet about those things... and I cannot change my mind...  Being a minimalist and vegan are the healthiest way to live...  I wish everyone was... and then we would probably have peace on heart and a wonderful planet to live on...  If I could, with a snap of my fingers change it all, I would.  But I have come to realize that it doesn't happen like that.... I can try and talk about it and plant seeds in people's head but I cannot make that seed grow... it is up to each and everyone of them to do so.  However, what I can do is keep on planting more seed.... and leading by example...  Gandhi said "be the change" and I will keep on doing just that.

Time will take care of the rest...

Of course, going against mainstream comes with a price... but I do realize now that the rewards are so much more then the price to pay...  it is all worth it!  I can sleep better and look at myself in the mirror without being ashamed of who I am - as I am the best version of myself I could ever be... and day after day, I try and work on it...

Over the past year, I have lived a very simple life - simpler then ever before...  I read a lot...  met amazing people... traveled a little to discover my new part of the country...  Perhaps I did not do as much yoga as I wish I could have done...  I will work on that this year.  Also, I probably spend, still, too much time on social media and not enough in nature...  I will also try and address that this year...

All in all, it was a good year...
This year, I want to do more yoga and less social media...  I also want to learn to spend more time in nature... These objective will help with mid-term goal.

I am looking forward to the next 3 years as I see my son mature and become a young adult...  He has amazing plans that I am helping him on... He is turning into an great guy... and I am so very proud of him!

I am also looking forward to a few years after that as our retirement plans are awesome and I can't wait to do them. (Yes, as you can add up the years, I am planning to retire a few months before I turn 46!)

And yet, enjoying more and more here and now. I now feel free to have good and bad days... I feel free to be quiet...  I feel free to not get back to everyone right away.... I feel free to do things that I like/love and not the other stuff... I feel free to cry when I feel like it.... smile when I want to... and laugh as loud as I feel like!

As my life becomes more and more enjoyable, I have an easier time to be here and now.  I am not trying to run away of make up for things I don't like in my life...  because I have cleaned those up...

In retrospect, being 42 was good!  And I am expecting 43 to be even better...  and I know it will be because I am the one to choose how my year will go.... no one else can do it for me!

Be who you are... DREAM your life... LIVE your dream...
namaste

love&peace,
chloe
xox
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The true cost

http://truecostmovie.com/


hi lovely readers!!!!

Last week end I watched the above documentary...  It made me cry my face off...  It was really just so sad... And it got me really upset!!!

To be honest, it has been on my list on Netflix for a few weeks now but I was avoiding looking at it...  because I kind of knew what was in it.... and I preferred avoiding it! I knew that my life would never bee the same after...  and as an ex-shopaholic who sometimes has week moments, I suspected this would not make my life easier.... I was being selfish.

Well, after watching this, I can say that it was ALL I suspected.... and much much more!!!

It opened my eyes even more on that industry.... the superficiality and selfishness of it... and of us consumers! In general.

In resume, it brought me to think about the impact my $ spent have around me...

I am at this point where I am becoming more aware of the impact each and every one of my move has on our capitalist system...  and most of the time, they are not a positive impact!

I am not quite sure what impact the viewing of that documentary will have in my life... but I am thinking about a few options and one big challenge...  I need to refine details but you will soon find out!

What I know is that I cannot tolerate and be blind to the conditions the textile workers in Bangladesh and other countries are working in... I cannot pretend I do not know the impact all that pesticide laden cotton fields have as an impact to the workers and surrounding citizens - here and elsewhere on the planet...  I cannot pretend I do not know that all those heavy dyes and pesticides applications are not hurting kids in India with cancers and mental illnesses... I can't ignore the chemicals cheap leather worker have to endure...

Our behavior as a consumer in America has an impact on pretty much the whole planet...

Because:

-of pesticides used to grow cotton - impact on the land and people
-of chemicals use to dye fabrics
-of chemical use to treat leather
-of horrible working conditions textile worker have to endure (did you know that some of them got beaten because they tried to get a union in to protect themselves?)
-of throw away fashion that is not biodegradable and ends up in third world countries land fields...
-of polluted water source in India to mention only one place....
- death of workers working in really bad shape manufactures

and I could go on and on... but you could watch it for yourselves...

Our cheap-throw-away-after-a-season-clothes are actually tinted with blood.... the blood of those who loose their life so that we can have a pair of jeans at 20$ and a t-shirt at 7$ in some very well known stores...

But how did we get to that point?  Well someone somewhere...  probably more then just one person...  figure out that if they could provide us with cheap clothes, we would be more likely to buy them.... and change them more often.... and hence they would make more money! In the same line of thoughts, instead of having 4 collection a year, some store now have 6 to 7 collections per years... and one well known store even has new stock coming in weekly!!!

And us, as consumers...  did not realize what we got ourselves into...  we bought and bought and it slowly got us hooked...  and we didn't even see it coming...  advertisement is such a wonderful thing!!!

It makes us believe that as we change our clothes, we are following trends...  and making friends... and being loved...  and looking young... and sexy...  and pretty... and it also gives us the illusion that if we change our clothes more often we are RICH! Rich people do not wear the same things over and over again... so we believe!

However, if this was the case, if we were rich because we could afford to change our clothes at such a fast pace, how is it that we are more and more in debt???  Look at your credit card bill, bank statement..  how much $ do you put in a fashion industry while still feeling that you can't keep up with trends and that you have nothing to wear?  How much time do you spend at the stores every week?  How much time spent in front of your closet every day trying to figure out what to wear?

We are not rich... we are in debt.. with closet full of nothing to wear...  because we do not know what our style is... we are so often bombarded with images of what we should look like that we forget (or did not even find yet) what we want to look like!

Our clothes are suppose to tell a story about ourselves... our lives...  who we are... they are the outside image of what is inside...

Well, if this the case, I can say is that most people are just the same as they are all dress alike! But I know this is not true... we are all different... and is no one-size-fit-all fashion!  Despite what we are lead to believe!

Don't get me wrong.... I have been guilty of that for years too!  I use to spend hundreds of dollars on clothes every week!  New stuff would come into my home every other day or so... I had a humongous wardrobe... but still needed more... I was in debt... and stress... and sick...  I worked on this for years...  slowing and then controlling my shopping addiction...  but I am not out-of-the-woods!  I still have a weakness for "fashion" and "trends"...  but I have worked hard on figuring out who I am and what I love and what I want people to get from me when they see me walking down the street...

I went from a fashion victim to a stylish person...  is my style fashionable?  not at all...  but it is mine and it speaks of who I am...

All that said, I will now have to look into how I spend my $ on clothes...  and figure out what I can do to minimize my impact on those poor people... and our planet!

As I said earlier, I am giving myself a few more weeks to come up with something... some sort of a challenge to make things interesting...

Be who you are... DREAM your life... LIVE your dream...
namaste

love&peace,
chloe
xox
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And I will I keep on going... because this is my calling...

Hello!

I started this blog almost 5 years ago.... in January 2011.   I wanted to write to help me overcome my shopping addition... and help me go deeper into my minimalism... I did this for me, never thinking anyone would really read it...  I am not a writer!

It has helped me on my path to minimalism and veganism...  it has been that and so much more ever since...

It has helped me come up with major life decisions...  it has helped my deal with a great deal of emotions...

It has allow me to figure out who really cared for me and let go those who don't... it has allow me to meet new friends (awesome people) all around the world!

If you've been following me for a while, you know that...  you also know that I have had my ups and down about writing here...  I have taken breaks... and even shut it down on a few occasion...

I have a love/hate relationship with writing here...  a healthy one!  Let me explain...

Love:  when I do it for myself...  more like journaling... when I get feedback from you guys that I have helped you sort something out...  when it helps me deal with emotions and/or make decision... when I honestly express myself without thinking about what people will say... when I see things changing around me...

Hate:  when I take this too seriously and think of making a business out of it... when I censure myself not to offend/hurt anyone...  when I feel like I have to write because you guys are waiting for it... when I get nasty/plain mean comments...

I am now re-opening this blog once again...  yeah... you may think I am crazy or neurotic but really???  I don't care.... I want to write here when I want... about what I want...  what I am passionate about and what I believe in...  It is my blog...  I promised you guys I would be honest... and I have been... BUT, I have been quietly honest... avoiding stuff not to lie to you...  avoiding some subject not to hurt anyone I knew...  However, I am at a point where people I knew who loved and respected me will stay and the others are gone anyway...

I do not want to pretend/hide/tell half truth anymore... lately, I have my fair share or nasty emails from people I never though I would get them from...  I felt attacked... and betrayed.... and hurt... I never thought someone could treat me like that...  I will not even share with you as repeating those words would be just as horrible as saying them in the first place...  As I usually do, I pulled away to protect me and my son... but that doesn't help...  I am not happy when I am pulling away... I need this community to feel alive! I need to write to create whatever change I can...  by initiating small changes around me, I have to realize that there is the butterfly effect and, in the end, it ends up being so much more then just my small change!  Thanks to you guys!

I needed to find another way to protect myself.... and even though nothing is ever perfect, I think I found part of the solution...

In order to protect myself I had to recreate myself... I changed the blog's name... I needed to do this to start over...  Hope you won't be offended by this... and if you are, I am truly sorry... I also changed my FB name...  I know some people can still find me... but I am eliminating a few...  and if you subscribe here before, you are still getting emails of new post... I have no control over that...  I have to accept that haters are gona hate and just ignore them! Because it is not for them that I do this... but for all of you who llike to read me...  I also came to realize that anyone who doesn't go mainstream will get their fair share of nastiness but this is actually good news:  it means you are rocking people's boat!

So here, this is what I wanted to share with you...  I am back... I took time to heal and think how I could make this work... I made changes to this blog so it reflects me more...  I will be more honest then ever and more direct then I have ever been... because this is how I want it to be... if I want the world to change, I need to say how I think it should be and not pretend otherwise is still OK...  because it is not! We have work to do my friends... on ourselves and the one surrounding us!  If you are in for a lifestyle change and to make this world a better place I am happy you're here! I hope to hear from you soon....

I am becoming the real warrior I was design to be... because I am ready for it...

The caterpillar has emerged into a fierce butterfly!!!

After all, as I have read somewhere, without the eccentrics and crazies the world would not progress ... well, then, I will be as eccentric and as crazy as can be and we'll see what happens!!!

p.s. I am not promising any number of posts... at any given frequencies...  I am also telling you that I will not disappear again and take this off-line.. problem is solve now. No one will shut me up. Period.

Be who you are... DREAM your life... LIVE your dream...
namaste

love&peace,
nath
xox
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what makes my world go round... take 4

I like to do this post every now and then.... especially when I feel like I am moving on to a new phase of my life... and this is such a time.  I, myself, like to tell people not to hold on to bad-relationships for the wrong reasons... I should follow my own comment.

This post always makes me realize the life is AMAZING.... no matter what...  keeps me positive and going...  after all, I've had my share of rough time... I've seen worse then what is going on now! And actually, I am quite peaceful about it all.... as if a huge weight had been taken off my shoulder.

So what does make my world go round here and now???

Making breakfast for my son and husband and then sending them off to work/school

Drinking tea looking at the lake
Working part-time even if it means making much less money
Walking around the lake with my husband 

Watching old re-runs of Friends

Cooking a new whole food, plant-based, low fat meal for my son and husband

Walking around the lake by myself and taking picture of fall
To see people around make subtle changes to improve their lives
My yoga practice

Modifying pieces of clothes I own so they feel like new at no expense

Taking a bike ride

Looking at the sunset

Reading "Healthy at 100" for the 2nd time

Talking about this big project my husband and I have
Saturday night movie night with my son and husband

Buying my first pieces of second hand clothes
Fat free homemade roasted potatoes, lemon juice and salt  as a snack, at room temperature

Saving for a Christmas trip to Halifax
Customers smiling at me on the street

Buying local veggies at the market

My job

All the new awesome people I've met
Japan Go - my fave sushi place
Seeing my son grow into this responsible/goal driven young men
Working on re-paying all my debts
Doing nothing and feeling good about it
Writing my blog
My virtual friends from all over the world
Testimonies I get from you guys who've I helped
Entertaining people in my home
Being free
A hot shower
Nag Shampa incense
Silence
Dressing like I want to and not caring if it is "age appropriate" like I learned
Vegan Pumpkin muffins
Apples - Apples - Apples
Knitting fingerless mitts for my friends
Pears
Living the simple life

Be who you are... DREAM your life... LIVE your dream...
namaste

love&peace,
nath
xox
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The sunset and seasons of life...

I am lucky enough to have the perfect location to see the sunset...  every night!
This one is from late September this year...

I have lived at the same place for over a year now and I noticed that even thus there is a sunset every single day,  they are always different!!! Every single day... for 465 days...  and counting!

And then comes the seasons...
Spring
Summer
Fall
Winter

All four of them...  years after years...  they each take their turns...

Nature has the perfect flow and balance.

We are now approaching fall here where I am...  my favorite season.

The thing with seasons is even thus we get each one of them every year when you look carefully, they are always different... somehow... just like the sunset day after day.

Where am I going with this?

Well, us human, tend or try to have life as fix as possible...  contrary to nature! Especially when it comes to relationship and who we surround ourselves with.

But we are part of nature...

Because human do not like change and are afraid of them. We are scared we'll end up alone so we'd rather stay in poor relationships then find new ones.  This is for all kind of relationship...  not just your spouse.

We like to keep people around as comforters, security blanket. Nature has no security blanket... ever.

We don't let go of people...  because we think they define who we are. And they do in a way...

So look closely at who you surround yourself with... is it really who you want to be with?

People will be in our life for different period of time... some will be there longer some not as much... every one has something to bring to you at one point but once their "job-is-done" they have to go.  You also have a "job-to-do" in someone else's life... But you have to recognize when it is time to part ways...

Don't hold on for the wrong reasons.

You will never be completely lonely.

No matter what people say...

I've had people tell me that if I continued on my path I'd end up alone...  I would have a lonely life...  Because no one would follow me in my vegan minimalist lifestyle - eating nothing and being poor.

But it never happened...  It won't... It can't...

I feel more loved and well surrounded then ever before in my life.

Because no matter who you are, how you live your life...  if you sent out the right vibrations, someone will come along...

There are other people just like you out there.  But you can't find them if you have no room for them in your life.

There is more then one sunset... more then one season... and nature changes...  but always finds it's way...

Why wouldn't you???

What could be so wrong with you that you couldn't find anyone???

Not a couple of people love you on this planet where we are 7 billions???

I know I'd rather be alone then surrounded by the wrong people...  but that's me...

Then again, I don't recall seeing a rose bush growing dandelions...

Just like nature cannot hold on to one perfect sunset... just like a tree cannot keep the same leaves forever...  just like the wind blows pollen around... just like the moon direct the tidal bore...

Just let life happens... let it bring you where you should be... have faith!

Nature is perfect... you can trust her.

Be who you are... DREAM your life... LIVE your dream...
namaste
love&peace,
nath
xox
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a long walk home...

This post may be the hardest I've had to write so far...  and honestly as I am writing it, I am not even sure I will even hit "publish"... as it may only serve me...

I am now home...
It took me almost 43 years to be there...

It was hard for me to admit it to myself... let alone to others...
But most of my life is a lie.  I have lived the life I was "suppose" to... I have lived the life my family and friends expected me to... I always felt I was in the wrong place... I was always uncomfortable...  I felt like I did not belong... ALL MY LIFE!  Even if it didn't always show and I got really good at pretending otherwise.
I came off as a hypocrite... when I was really just lacking self-confidence.
I came off as a fake... when I was just lacking strength to be who I wanted to be.
I came off as not knowing what I wanted... when I was really just testing the audience (family and friend) and see what I would get as feedback...  then go back to my hypocrite/fake self playing the game to be liked...

Most of my life I was someone I didn't even like because I wanted other people to like me... and believed that if I was myself no one would actually love me!
Most of my life I played along... to get people to like me...  to get people's approval... to get job I didn't care for... to live my life like everyone else did...  because this, so I was told, was what I was suppose to do.

Consciously or not, my environment (family, friends, teachers...), knowing where I came from decided where I was suppose to go...  maybe I was not strong enough... maybe I lacked confidence... maybe I should have done then I what I am doing now and say "fuck off - no one knows better then me the life I should have"...

But I did not...  and I payed the price for it...  and I know it came with a price for many other people whom I may have hurt because I have later on "let-them-go"... or shock them in ways that made them let me go...

I no longer keep track of ghosts in my closet... I no longer keep count of who left me... or of who I left...
I no longer know who reads this blog or not that really knows me... or use to know me...
I am not even sure if people I may have hurt are reading it... but if you are one of them I must say I am REALLY SORRY... but I had to do this... I had to stop lying to myself first and to all of you after.

I am genuinely happy you shared my life at one point... all good memories remain... but I am OK with the fact that it is no longer the case... I hope you are to.

I had to go from a caterpillar to a butterfly... I needed it as I was suffocating in my cocoon... It was slowly killing me... normally people do that during their teenage years.  I was to shy, afraid, lacking self-confidence at that point to be able to do it... there was a teenager in there with dreams and passions and wanting to scream at the world... there was a teenager in there wanting to be an artist... a vegetarian...  seeing the world...  and perhaps try and save it!  I never did those things and assumed they were just teenager dreams...  and buried them deep down within me...  and it passed..  and I went on with my life... my adult/mature/responsible life...  whatever that means! Until I had a few really though experiences in my adulthood and then they re-emerge.. slowly but surely...  and refused to be buried again.

I really feel as if it was the Universe speaking to me and refusing that I stay in my cocoon...  saying we need more butterfly like you, please come out! I will give you no other choice!  Therefore after all those though moments, whenever my life started back to be "normal" another one came... until I understood... until I changed...

Then I started making changes to my life... some obvious and others less...  my accomplice was, and still is, my soul mate, my best friend, my lover and husband...  he's there for me... he's pushed me out of my cocoon giving me the strength to be myself.... stood by me when I felt lonely and wonder if I was doing the right thing... stood by me when I was insulted... and hurt by people...  stood by me and saw me emerge...  and become the amazing butterfly I am today... I will never be able to thank him enough for that!

Later on, at one point, it became obvious to me that all the changes needed to be obvious to everyone... I  could be myself home but it was still not enough... I needed to be myself every where and with every one! And this, may have been the hardest step....  letting the people, who have known me all my life, know that I am not who they think I am... that all this time I was just "playing nice" when inside me there was this huge burning desire to be someone else! This was the last step of my transformation... and it really just happened... and if you've been attentive to my FB posts, you may have notice a switch in gear...  They are more direct, more straight to the point... more exactly like what I think... and it does not please everyone... I know.  But that is OK!  If we were all the same, life would be so dull...

I am now bringing my own color to this world... that you may or may not like...  At thins point, I no longer care.
It took me 42 years to get the exact color I wanted to portrait...

It was a long walk home... but the best one ever and I honestly wish that YOU, each and every one of my reader, can one day, find your home. As it is the best place to be even it is mile away from where you are now.

Be who you are... DREAM your life... LIVE your dream...
namaste
love&peace,
nath
xox
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about buying second hand clothes

This week end I finally did something I've been working on for a couple of years now...

Since I am a minimalist I've worked on buying less clothes... and I've had my ups and down....  Many blog posts here on that...

BUT...  where I stand now is this:

I have much less clothes then 8 years ago...  I possibly never had that little clothes in my adult life.
All the clothes I own I wear on a regular basis - some more often then others but wear them all!
I also have no more "orphans" items - items that do not go with anything else - in working on my wardrobe, I chose the color I love and came up with pieces that mix and match quite easily...

I still think that I have more clothes then I could get by with... but I really do love clothes... and all the ones I kept reflect my style, fit in my lifestyle and really fit me well!  I do not see the point of getting rid of them...  and after all, using up all those clothes will help me not having to buy some for years to come technically!

And this is where I run into a problem... because I love to buy clothes...  especially this year's clothes as the all seem to be my style!

Thing is, I want to really work on my debt... and for that reason, I have included no budget for clothing per say...  Everything is accounted for in my budget and there is no room for clothes for me as there is no need really...  therefore I have to find "solutions" to the few items I would like to add to my wardrobe:  a plaid shirt, a burgundy cardigan and a beige huge comfy scarf!  I found a solution for that... I sold a winter jacket I am no longer wearing - hence I can buy the items - using my 40$ per month allowance to cover what is missing! And still work on my debt!

The other thing that is bothering me, is this documentary on my "to watch" list on Netflix that talks about the truth about clothing... I know it must not be pretty...  I am not yet ready to watch it - and I feel selfish for it....  but I know I will watch it eventually!  Knowing myself, I know it will trigger a huge shopping strike!

I have been concerned on and off about the clothing industry for a few years now... and for that reason, I have been trying to buy second-hand clothes... but it never really work out...  for many reasons!  One is I truly could never really find something that I loved and that fit me.  OK, you may say I did not really try hard enough and maybe I didn't but I did look around and try on a few items...  no luck I guess!  I was told, by friends, who do buy them, that you have to go often and not think of anything specific but just browse and keep an open mind! Second reason, is that I was not raised that way.  In my childhood, we use to give clothes we no longer wanted or no longer fit us to "poor" people... therefore somehow I equated second-hand clothes to being poor in my head. Now I am not rich... and far from it...  we are just above poverty as per our income in the country we live - but I am not complaining... this is something we chose to do - to do work we love! Our minimalist lifestyle allows us to do that...  but it comes with a price!  I only work 20h a week and at a salary just a little above minimum wage...  therefore I am not comfortable spending crazy amount of money on clothes - plus, there is no need for it! Where it is more difficult is that we use to have an income 4 times what we have now...  and buying clothes was a hobby -that created debt.. I know! So, now I have to overcome the fact that second-hand clothes are not only for poor people (as I know wealthy people who buy them too) AND the fact that I am indeed poor now (by choice but still)!

All that to say that this week end, I spend 21,24$ on 3 items (I had a 15% discount on that so initially they were 24,36$).

I found Roots pyjama bottoms for 3,99$, a corduroy skirt for 4,99$ , and a velvet embroidered jacket for 12,99$.  They all fit well, are within my style...  used my allowance for it! I have now officially break the cycle... and I am confident I could go back there and buy more stuff if I needed to!

I also feel good about it not only because I saved $ but because it is a better choice for the environment too! We buy and throw away so many clothes every years in America that it doesn't make sense anymore!  When I decided to minimize my wardrobe I decided to wear my clothes until they "die" on me...  this will save the landfills... I also decided to give or sell what ever I no longer want when it is still wearable...saving the landfills some more...  and decided to bring to H&M unusable clothes as they recycle the fabric... landfills people.... and now if I can buy more second-hand, this means not using as much new material!!!    And using my creativity to mix and match and sometimes "modify" items I find to make them a better fit for my life!

Now, what about you?  Do you buy second hand clothes?  What are your reason for it?

Be who you are... DREAM your life... LIVE your dream...
namaste
love&peace,
nath
xox
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