My son was born 16 years ago on September 8th... this is acutally tomorrow but I really wanted to write about it today!
For those of you who would not be aware yet, his birth almost cost me my life.... and he almost did not make it himself... it was, some would say, a horrible day... but in the end, with years passing by... I see it more and more as a blessing! I am really grateful that we both make it of course... but I am even more grateful he turned out to be such a lovely young men and I that I got a second chance... And would this day had been more "regular" nothing of what happened after would have happened exactly the same way and our lives today would be completely different! That I am convinced of!
A few words about him: he is a kind, sensitive and thoughful boy... he hates school (even though his average is around 80% without ever opening a book at home!!!) but love the cadets, discipline and anything that is very demanding. He's a loner... but makes friends so easily... of course, intravert... BIG TIME! Very unpopular at school but one of the most popular ones at the cadets!
He's vegetarian and loves police TV shows as well as any videogame with a mission and guns (police, army, fantastic...)! He can't wait to drive and buy his first car and already started saving for it... and looking on line for prices! He swears he will never smoke, drink or touch drugs! And he started his process to get enrolled in the army - he wants to protect the canadian citizen and help in different countries when possible by reconstructing schools, hospitals and help finding survivor of natural disasters!
Is it exactly how I pictured him sixteen years ago? Of course not... Is he living the life I would if I was his age? Certainly not.... but how are you suppose to know how your kids will turn out? Well... YOU DON'T and this is the beauty of it... They are their own person! I loved this boy from the day he was born without even knowing who he was... it was completely selfless, unconditional love!!! And I am trying to give him all the tools he needs to become his best self! Not the person I imagined or wish he would be... that would not be fair! As a parent my first responsability is to get to know this guy: his dreams, desires and secret projects and give him the tools he needs to realize them! All of them... it's HIS life! Not mine.
And guess what? I was not always that good at it... because he scared me... his dreams and goals where so far away from mine in a way... I did not and could not understand them. But the more we talked and the more we opened up to each other, we learned to respect and appreciate the differences and it scares me less now... and makes me see that ultimately, his goal is not so far from mine... but uses different tools and means.
We both want to change the world... me from diseases by improving diet and lifestyle... and him by reducing suffering, helping with school, hospitals and rescuing people who have seen their whole world turned upside down! I am using my brains and mouth (hahaha) but he'll be using his arms and physical strenght! We use different tools because we have different abilities... but somehow, this is bringing us closer together then I ever imagined possible... when he told me two years ago that he wanted to join the army, I cried... because I was loosing him - and sure I would loose him for good... but now, his decision, which we talked about time and time again, has actually brought us closer and I now know, that there is no way I will ever loose this boy! We have a unique bond... born in love AND respect!
Love might have been unconditionnal from the time he was born... respect was born over time... by sharing thoughts, talking about stuff... and mostly listening to each other!!!
So there you go Cedric! I hope you have a lovely birthday and a nice year coming up! It will be a challenging one but I know you'll make it through even more awesome then you are today!!! You will grow and change... mature and learn... and this is what really matter!!!
Follow your dreams...
And even if they are not mine, I will assist you as much as I can...
p.s. a little thing about my second chance: not every one get them, and I am grateful for it... being born again at the same time as him, has allow me to redirect my life where I wanted it to be when I was a kid... and this is the best thing that ever happened to me! I have less moeny then ever... but more time then any adult could dream of to enjoy my son and life! This will always be the best gift he gave me: life!!! In a way, we mutually "gave birth" to each other!
Be who you are... DREAM your life... LIVE your dream...
namaste
namaste
love&peace,
chloe
xox
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