My son

My son Cédric with my best friend's chihuahua Rosie

September 8th is always a difficult day for me... 

It's the date my son was born 13 years ago.... 
It's the date both of us were soooo close to not make it!!!!
It's the day my life was turned upside down for ever.... for so many reasons!!!

My son was actually "safe" way before me....  a few hours after he was born he was stabilised and good to go!

However, it was not the same for me....  I am not going to go into details about what happens because you can read it in "Life Happens" ...  But it took a few days before my platelets were back to normal and I was no longer at risk of bleeding to death.... 

It also took days before I could see my son and hold him... It was the most horrible time for my life....

I was alone in the dark for many days.... not allowed visitors... or not able to do anything...

I remember hanging on only because I felt my son needed a mom!  It was my only reason to hang on to life...  I had to make it!  For Him!!!

I finally did... and...

the day I went back home, all I can remember is that I may never have seen this road again... or this tree... or the sun....and the sky... or got into a car... eat apples... or hold my son.... and miss all his life.... and I cried most of the way home...

It took a while before I got over this.... physically I was really weak....  for weeks...  (mentally it took years!)

But I physically made it.... and life went on... and the light struck one day when I was at the park with my son waiting for his dad to get back home.... late as usual...
And I remember vividly as if it was yesterday thinking that I did not wanted my life to be like that...  like it was at the time...  stressful.. yet boring...  and I felt like I was missing on so many things...  love, happiness, excitement, Life...

I remembered I was really close to die a few months past and I told myself that this did not make sense.... aside from my son nothing made sense in my life...  I was in a job I did not like... in a relationship that was not going anywhere... in a stupid crazy new house... with no free time for myself doing things I love.... and I actually didn't even knew what I loved doing but I knew it was not waiting for someone or something to happen....

From this day, I told myself that I had to be happy... I had to have the life I wanted...  for me and for Cédric... 

I started looking...thinking... trying things....  I started trying to find myself.... but having a young boy... a stressful job and a disease that I did not knew I had at the time, it took roughly 6 years before I found the answers to all those questions... They were the most difficult years of my life... but also the most rewarding in the end!

Today, I still have mixed emotions on this day....  it feels like a second chance was given to me.... like I was born again... but this time I was conscious of it...  And on this day, years after years, I get reminded of it.... and I can't let go of that...  it's a reminder that life is short!  That I have to make the most of it (in a good sense)... that I have to be happy... that I have to live MY LIFE!!!

And I also realise that I was blessed to have such a lovely boy come into my life... I have the most wonderful relationship with him... it was the hardest time of my life but the most rewarding...  everything has it's price...

Having my son almost cost me my life... but it gave me an even better life than I had before!!!

thank you Cédric....

I am always happy to hear from you... do not hesitate to contact me!!!

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love and peace,
nath
xox
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