what makes my world go round... take 4

I like to do this post every now and then.... especially when I feel like I am moving on to a new phase of my life... and this is such a time.  I, myself, like to tell people not to hold on to bad-relationships for the wrong reasons... I should follow my own comment.

This post always makes me realize the life is AMAZING.... no matter what...  keeps me positive and going...  after all, I've had my share of rough time... I've seen worse then what is going on now! And actually, I am quite peaceful about it all.... as if a huge weight had been taken off my shoulder.

So what does make my world go round here and now???

Making breakfast for my son and husband and then sending them off to work/school

Drinking tea looking at the lake
Working part-time even if it means making much less money
Walking around the lake with my husband 

Watching old re-runs of Friends

Cooking a new whole food, plant-based, low fat meal for my son and husband

Walking around the lake by myself and taking picture of fall
To see people around make subtle changes to improve their lives
My yoga practice

Modifying pieces of clothes I own so they feel like new at no expense

Taking a bike ride

Looking at the sunset

Reading "Healthy at 100" for the 2nd time

Talking about this big project my husband and I have
Saturday night movie night with my son and husband

Buying my first pieces of second hand clothes
Fat free homemade roasted potatoes, lemon juice and salt  as a snack, at room temperature

Saving for a Christmas trip to Halifax
Customers smiling at me on the street

Buying local veggies at the market

My job

All the new awesome people I've met
Japan Go - my fave sushi place
Seeing my son grow into this responsible/goal driven young men
Working on re-paying all my debts
Doing nothing and feeling good about it
Writing my blog
My virtual friends from all over the world
Testimonies I get from you guys who've I helped
Entertaining people in my home
Being free
A hot shower
Nag Shampa incense
Silence
Dressing like I want to and not caring if it is "age appropriate" like I learned
Vegan Pumpkin muffins
Apples - Apples - Apples
Knitting fingerless mitts for my friends
Pears
Living the simple life

Be who you are... DREAM your life... LIVE your dream...
namaste

love&peace,
nath
xox
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The sunset and seasons of life...

I am lucky enough to have the perfect location to see the sunset...  every night!
This one is from late September this year...

I have lived at the same place for over a year now and I noticed that even thus there is a sunset every single day,  they are always different!!! Every single day... for 465 days...  and counting!

And then comes the seasons...
Spring
Summer
Fall
Winter

All four of them...  years after years...  they each take their turns...

Nature has the perfect flow and balance.

We are now approaching fall here where I am...  my favorite season.

The thing with seasons is even thus we get each one of them every year when you look carefully, they are always different... somehow... just like the sunset day after day.

Where am I going with this?

Well, us human, tend or try to have life as fix as possible...  contrary to nature! Especially when it comes to relationship and who we surround ourselves with.

But we are part of nature...

Because human do not like change and are afraid of them. We are scared we'll end up alone so we'd rather stay in poor relationships then find new ones.  This is for all kind of relationship...  not just your spouse.

We like to keep people around as comforters, security blanket. Nature has no security blanket... ever.

We don't let go of people...  because we think they define who we are. And they do in a way...

So look closely at who you surround yourself with... is it really who you want to be with?

People will be in our life for different period of time... some will be there longer some not as much... every one has something to bring to you at one point but once their "job-is-done" they have to go.  You also have a "job-to-do" in someone else's life... But you have to recognize when it is time to part ways...

Don't hold on for the wrong reasons.

You will never be completely lonely.

No matter what people say...

I've had people tell me that if I continued on my path I'd end up alone...  I would have a lonely life...  Because no one would follow me in my vegan minimalist lifestyle - eating nothing and being poor.

But it never happened...  It won't... It can't...

I feel more loved and well surrounded then ever before in my life.

Because no matter who you are, how you live your life...  if you sent out the right vibrations, someone will come along...

There are other people just like you out there.  But you can't find them if you have no room for them in your life.

There is more then one sunset... more then one season... and nature changes...  but always finds it's way...

Why wouldn't you???

What could be so wrong with you that you couldn't find anyone???

Not a couple of people love you on this planet where we are 7 billions???

I know I'd rather be alone then surrounded by the wrong people...  but that's me...

Then again, I don't recall seeing a rose bush growing dandelions...

Just like nature cannot hold on to one perfect sunset... just like a tree cannot keep the same leaves forever...  just like the wind blows pollen around... just like the moon direct the tidal bore...

Just let life happens... let it bring you where you should be... have faith!

Nature is perfect... you can trust her.

Be who you are... DREAM your life... LIVE your dream...
namaste
love&peace,
nath
xox
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a long walk home...

This post may be the hardest I've had to write so far...  and honestly as I am writing it, I am not even sure I will even hit "publish"... as it may only serve me...

I am now home...
It took me almost 43 years to be there...

It was hard for me to admit it to myself... let alone to others...
But most of my life is a lie.  I have lived the life I was "suppose" to... I have lived the life my family and friends expected me to... I always felt I was in the wrong place... I was always uncomfortable...  I felt like I did not belong... ALL MY LIFE!  Even if it didn't always show and I got really good at pretending otherwise.
I came off as a hypocrite... when I was really just lacking self-confidence.
I came off as a fake... when I was just lacking strength to be who I wanted to be.
I came off as not knowing what I wanted... when I was really just testing the audience (family and friend) and see what I would get as feedback...  then go back to my hypocrite/fake self playing the game to be liked...

Most of my life I was someone I didn't even like because I wanted other people to like me... and believed that if I was myself no one would actually love me!
Most of my life I played along... to get people to like me...  to get people's approval... to get job I didn't care for... to live my life like everyone else did...  because this, so I was told, was what I was suppose to do.

Consciously or not, my environment (family, friends, teachers...), knowing where I came from decided where I was suppose to go...  maybe I was not strong enough... maybe I lacked confidence... maybe I should have done then I what I am doing now and say "fuck off - no one knows better then me the life I should have"...

But I did not...  and I payed the price for it...  and I know it came with a price for many other people whom I may have hurt because I have later on "let-them-go"... or shock them in ways that made them let me go...

I no longer keep track of ghosts in my closet... I no longer keep count of who left me... or of who I left...
I no longer know who reads this blog or not that really knows me... or use to know me...
I am not even sure if people I may have hurt are reading it... but if you are one of them I must say I am REALLY SORRY... but I had to do this... I had to stop lying to myself first and to all of you after.

I am genuinely happy you shared my life at one point... all good memories remain... but I am OK with the fact that it is no longer the case... I hope you are to.

I had to go from a caterpillar to a butterfly... I needed it as I was suffocating in my cocoon... It was slowly killing me... normally people do that during their teenage years.  I was to shy, afraid, lacking self-confidence at that point to be able to do it... there was a teenager in there with dreams and passions and wanting to scream at the world... there was a teenager in there wanting to be an artist... a vegetarian...  seeing the world...  and perhaps try and save it!  I never did those things and assumed they were just teenager dreams...  and buried them deep down within me...  and it passed..  and I went on with my life... my adult/mature/responsible life...  whatever that means! Until I had a few really though experiences in my adulthood and then they re-emerge.. slowly but surely...  and refused to be buried again.

I really feel as if it was the Universe speaking to me and refusing that I stay in my cocoon...  saying we need more butterfly like you, please come out! I will give you no other choice!  Therefore after all those though moments, whenever my life started back to be "normal" another one came... until I understood... until I changed...

Then I started making changes to my life... some obvious and others less...  my accomplice was, and still is, my soul mate, my best friend, my lover and husband...  he's there for me... he's pushed me out of my cocoon giving me the strength to be myself.... stood by me when I felt lonely and wonder if I was doing the right thing... stood by me when I was insulted... and hurt by people...  stood by me and saw me emerge...  and become the amazing butterfly I am today... I will never be able to thank him enough for that!

Later on, at one point, it became obvious to me that all the changes needed to be obvious to everyone... I  could be myself home but it was still not enough... I needed to be myself every where and with every one! And this, may have been the hardest step....  letting the people, who have known me all my life, know that I am not who they think I am... that all this time I was just "playing nice" when inside me there was this huge burning desire to be someone else! This was the last step of my transformation... and it really just happened... and if you've been attentive to my FB posts, you may have notice a switch in gear...  They are more direct, more straight to the point... more exactly like what I think... and it does not please everyone... I know.  But that is OK!  If we were all the same, life would be so dull...

I am now bringing my own color to this world... that you may or may not like...  At thins point, I no longer care.
It took me 42 years to get the exact color I wanted to portrait...

It was a long walk home... but the best one ever and I honestly wish that YOU, each and every one of my reader, can one day, find your home. As it is the best place to be even it is mile away from where you are now.

Be who you are... DREAM your life... LIVE your dream...
namaste
love&peace,
nath
xox
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about buying second hand clothes

This week end I finally did something I've been working on for a couple of years now...

Since I am a minimalist I've worked on buying less clothes... and I've had my ups and down....  Many blog posts here on that...

BUT...  where I stand now is this:

I have much less clothes then 8 years ago...  I possibly never had that little clothes in my adult life.
All the clothes I own I wear on a regular basis - some more often then others but wear them all!
I also have no more "orphans" items - items that do not go with anything else - in working on my wardrobe, I chose the color I love and came up with pieces that mix and match quite easily...

I still think that I have more clothes then I could get by with... but I really do love clothes... and all the ones I kept reflect my style, fit in my lifestyle and really fit me well!  I do not see the point of getting rid of them...  and after all, using up all those clothes will help me not having to buy some for years to come technically!

And this is where I run into a problem... because I love to buy clothes...  especially this year's clothes as the all seem to be my style!

Thing is, I want to really work on my debt... and for that reason, I have included no budget for clothing per say...  Everything is accounted for in my budget and there is no room for clothes for me as there is no need really...  therefore I have to find "solutions" to the few items I would like to add to my wardrobe:  a plaid shirt, a burgundy cardigan and a beige huge comfy scarf!  I found a solution for that... I sold a winter jacket I am no longer wearing - hence I can buy the items - using my 40$ per month allowance to cover what is missing! And still work on my debt!

The other thing that is bothering me, is this documentary on my "to watch" list on Netflix that talks about the truth about clothing... I know it must not be pretty...  I am not yet ready to watch it - and I feel selfish for it....  but I know I will watch it eventually!  Knowing myself, I know it will trigger a huge shopping strike!

I have been concerned on and off about the clothing industry for a few years now... and for that reason, I have been trying to buy second-hand clothes... but it never really work out...  for many reasons!  One is I truly could never really find something that I loved and that fit me.  OK, you may say I did not really try hard enough and maybe I didn't but I did look around and try on a few items...  no luck I guess!  I was told, by friends, who do buy them, that you have to go often and not think of anything specific but just browse and keep an open mind! Second reason, is that I was not raised that way.  In my childhood, we use to give clothes we no longer wanted or no longer fit us to "poor" people... therefore somehow I equated second-hand clothes to being poor in my head. Now I am not rich... and far from it...  we are just above poverty as per our income in the country we live - but I am not complaining... this is something we chose to do - to do work we love! Our minimalist lifestyle allows us to do that...  but it comes with a price!  I only work 20h a week and at a salary just a little above minimum wage...  therefore I am not comfortable spending crazy amount of money on clothes - plus, there is no need for it! Where it is more difficult is that we use to have an income 4 times what we have now...  and buying clothes was a hobby -that created debt.. I know! So, now I have to overcome the fact that second-hand clothes are not only for poor people (as I know wealthy people who buy them too) AND the fact that I am indeed poor now (by choice but still)!

All that to say that this week end, I spend 21,24$ on 3 items (I had a 15% discount on that so initially they were 24,36$).

I found Roots pyjama bottoms for 3,99$, a corduroy skirt for 4,99$ , and a velvet embroidered jacket for 12,99$.  They all fit well, are within my style...  used my allowance for it! I have now officially break the cycle... and I am confident I could go back there and buy more stuff if I needed to!

I also feel good about it not only because I saved $ but because it is a better choice for the environment too! We buy and throw away so many clothes every years in America that it doesn't make sense anymore!  When I decided to minimize my wardrobe I decided to wear my clothes until they "die" on me...  this will save the landfills... I also decided to give or sell what ever I no longer want when it is still wearable...saving the landfills some more...  and decided to bring to H&M unusable clothes as they recycle the fabric... landfills people.... and now if I can buy more second-hand, this means not using as much new material!!!    And using my creativity to mix and match and sometimes "modify" items I find to make them a better fit for my life!

Now, what about you?  Do you buy second hand clothes?  What are your reason for it?

Be who you are... DREAM your life... LIVE your dream...
namaste
love&peace,
nath
xox
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