I have a confession to make...
Ever since I was diagnosed with MS, my world crumbled..
And everything changed...
Ever since that date of October 10th 2007, nothing has been the same. Nothing ever will be. There was worse days and much better days (I am getting the better days now)...
It has changed me... as one can suspect... it made me look for a cure at first... and then realising that I managed to "heal" myself, it made me want to "heal" everyone... and then started the quest to my life's purpose.
Typical questions were:
Why me? (of course...)
Why was I diagnosed with MS?
Why did I manage to find a way to heal myself when other's don't?
Should I keep this to myself?
Should I share?
Should I change the world with my experience and what I found out?
Others can, why can't I?
How can I convince others to change the way they live?
As you may or may not know, I "healed" myself by going vegetarian (and I am now vegan), becoming minimalist and living a simpler life... practicing yoga, meditation and receiving Reiki treatments...
I tried changing the world with this blog, by writing a book, by offering conferences... and I was looking into other options as well... I wanted to be "famous" so people would follow me and do as I say... and maybe then the world would be a better place and my life wouldn't have been useless...
But nothing of that really worked... and I was really disappointed with that... and then followed more questioning: Why is everything I try not working?
The answer took a while to come.... and despite years of yoga and mediation, my ego was still pretty big... and during all those yoga/meditation practices I met amazing people who did awesome things... and attracted many to their seminar, yoga practices, conferences... some sold many of their books or CDs... but not me...
And then, not too long ago, I vanished... I stopped the blog and all my presence on social medias... because I felt it had no sense... it was a waste of time... I was a failure...
And I kept my simple minimalist vegan life... and had several discussion with my lovely husband... and kept on my meditation and yoga practice... only to realise that I had been wrong all that time...
When I was a kid, all I dreamed about was to be free... I never dreamed of being "famous"... never dreamed of changing the world... never dreamed of being rich... all my dreams were with me and a lovely husband and 1-2 kids... living peacefully somewhere... there was not "career" in those dream... there was no huge house... mostly nature... and time spent wandering... no expectations... no social status... just life!
Then I grew up... and lost track of wanting to be free... or thought, like most, that I would be free once I did all those things: be "famous", changed the world, be rich...
This reminds me of the Mexican fisherman story... which you can read here .
And then it hit me: what if my life purpose was just that: be free.
Who says everyone has a big life purpose to achieve? Who says being free is a less important life's purpose than others?
What if me "failing" wsa actually serving me a purpose and getting me closer to my real dream?
What if only living my life made me happy? What if after all the Universe was actually conspiring to give me what I wanted a long long time ago by not giving me what I thought I wanted for the last few years? They say that when you really want something, the Universe will conspired to give it to you.
What if my MS was actually to open my eyes and step away from the big corporate life I was living? What if my book is not selling as much as I'd love to because I never really wanted to sell millions of copies and be a well known author? What if I get just a reasonable amount of readers on that blog but they are actually "real" believers in what I wrote?
After all, I am happy like this... alone here in Moncton with my husband and son... in our small apartment... dreaming small... taking care of those I really love... writing when I feel like it... cooking, baking, knitting, doing yoga.... walking places... biking when weather permits...
What more is there to life really???
Aren't we only suppose to live our life by being happy about it? How can you be happy about your life if it makes you miserable, sick,stressed??? This is what I use to have... and I no longer want that...
If it means, feeling lonely sometimes because there are not many people like me (us), well you know what? That is OK!
I am much happier now that I am no longer comparing myself to others... or myself!
I let go of the expectations I had for myself and others had for myself... I let go of $ coming in... I let go of who I think I should be... I let go of the concept of rich/poor... I let go of social status... I let go of pretty much all I learned about how life should be...
I am re-writing my life.
And I embrace it as it is... simple!
This is my life purpose.
I hope you can find yours one day... your deeply hidden/burried life purpose... this is the best one, the one that will let you be happy!!!
Really it all comes down to: Be here and now.
love&peace, as always...
nath
xox
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Yay! You're back! I love this blog!
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