One's life purpose

I have a confession to make...
Ever since I was diagnosed with MS, my world crumbled..
And everything changed...

Ever since that date of October 10th 2007, nothing has been the same.  Nothing ever will be. There was worse days and much better days (I am getting the better days now)...
It has changed me... as one can suspect...  it made me look for a cure at first... and then realising that I managed to "heal" myself, it made me want to "heal" everyone... and then started the quest to my life's purpose.

Typical questions were:
Why me? (of course...)
Why was I diagnosed with MS?
Why did I manage to find a way to heal myself when other's don't?
Should I keep this to myself?
Should I share?
Should I change the world with my experience and what I found out?
Others can, why can't I?
How can I convince others to change the way they live?

As you may or may not know, I "healed" myself by going vegetarian (and I am now vegan), becoming minimalist and living a simpler life...  practicing yoga, meditation and receiving Reiki treatments...

I tried changing the world with this blog, by writing a book, by offering conferences... and I was looking into other options as well...  I wanted to be "famous" so people would follow me and do as I say... and maybe then the world would be a better place and my life wouldn't have been useless...

But nothing of that really worked... and I was really disappointed with that... and then followed more questioning:  Why is everything I try not working?

The answer took a while to come.... and despite years of yoga and mediation, my ego was still pretty big... and during all those yoga/meditation practices I met amazing people who did awesome things... and attracted many to their seminar, yoga practices, conferences... some sold many of their books or CDs... but not me...

And then, not too long ago, I vanished... I stopped the blog and all my presence on social medias... because I felt it had no sense... it was a waste of time... I was a failure...

And I kept my simple minimalist vegan life... and had several discussion with my lovely husband...  and kept on my meditation and yoga practice... only to realise that I had been wrong all that time...

When I was a kid, all I dreamed about was to be free...  I never dreamed of being "famous"... never dreamed of changing the world... never dreamed of being rich...  all my dreams were with me and a lovely husband and 1-2 kids... living peacefully somewhere... there was not "career" in those dream... there was no huge house... mostly nature... and time spent wandering... no expectations...  no social status...  just life!

Then I grew up... and lost track of wanting to be free... or thought, like most, that I would be free once I did all those things:  be "famous", changed the world, be rich... 

This reminds me of the Mexican fisherman story... which you can read here .

And then it hit me:  what if my life purpose was just that:  be free. 

Who says everyone has a big life purpose to achieve?  Who says being free is a less important life's purpose than others?

What if me "failing" wsa actually serving me a purpose and getting me closer to my real dream?

What if only living my life made me happy?  What if after all the Universe was actually conspiring to give me what I wanted a long long time ago by not giving me what I thought I wanted for the last few years? They say that when you really want something, the Universe will conspired to give it to you.

What if my MS was actually to open my eyes and step away from the big corporate life I was living? What if my book is not selling as much as I'd love to because I never really wanted to sell millions of copies and be a well known author?  What if I get just a reasonable amount of readers on that blog but they are actually "real" believers in what I wrote? 

After all, I am happy like this... alone here in Moncton with my husband and son... in our small apartment... dreaming small... taking care of those I really love... writing when I feel like it... cooking, baking, knitting, doing yoga....  walking places...  biking when weather permits...

What more is there to life really???

Aren't we only suppose to live our life by being happy about it?  How can you be happy about your life if it makes you miserable, sick,stressed???  This is what I use to have... and I no longer want that...

If it means, feeling lonely sometimes because there are not many people like me (us), well you know what?  That is OK!

I am much happier now that I am no longer comparing myself to others... or myself!
I let go of the expectations I had for myself and others had for myself...  I let go of $ coming in... I let go of who I think I should be... I let go of the concept of rich/poor... I let go of social status... I let go of pretty much all I learned about how life should be...

I am re-writing my life.

And I embrace it as it is...  simple!

This is my life purpose.

I hope you can find yours one day...  your deeply hidden/burried life purpose...  this is the best one, the one that will let you be happy!!!

Really it all comes down to:  Be here and now.


love&peace, as always...
nath
xox
http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=734016786

http://www.pinterest.com/briseboisnathal/boards

Winter

Never was much of a winter person... For some reason I was born in a northern country with no like of the cold temperature...  and snow, although really nice to look at, does have it's share of problems!

My dosha does not react well to cold weather... and neither do my legs... 

As a kid, all I remember of winter is being cold... and playing outside in the snow...  by that I mean, digging a whole in the snow for me to hide in it... or if weather was nicer, I would lie on my back and look at the blue sky... or the snow falling on my face...  but that was it!  I never skied or snowshoed or anything like that.  I skated, inside as I was a figure skater. I slided a few times but way to dangerous I find...

As an adult, I tried outdoor skating - my feet froze... I tried cross-country skiing and it was easier for me to back up then move forward...  Try skiing - goes WAY to fast... Gave a try to snowshoeing but only got so far as to buy the snowshoe and never used them... always too many excuses...  Tried again the sliding but hurt myself...

A few weeks ago, living in Moncton, I figure I have to try and learn to love winter... because it looks like my husband and I plans for the future do not involve spending the winter down south... (more on our future plans in another post)

I asked for suggestion to people who like winter...  and I got the same answer:  ski, skate, snowshoe, sliding...  and then I came to my senses... why?  just why am I trying to like winter the way others do?  I never (or hardly never) do anything like anyone else...  why, then, try and love winter the way other people do?  Why can't I come with my own way to love it?

Because I need to love it... one way or another... I know people, who lived all their life in the northern country, never spend their winter elsewhere and are just miserable for 5 months! I do not want to be like that...  if I am going to live here, no way I can be miserable for 5 months!

I want to live here and now... and be happy about it!

Then I started digging... what do all other 3 seasons mean to me?  What do I do then that I love? Anything I could bring into my winter?

Well, I realised that I like to wander around, walking or biking...  of course in the winter, I can still do that... maybe not as long but still doable - by walking - I am not biking in winter.... as I get close to freezing point, a bike looses all it's attractiveness to me... I have a nice lake I can go around and it makes for a 40 minutes walk or so... this is perfect! I only need to dress really well to not feel the cold... I have clothes for that.

I like to sit on a terrace... OK THAT is not possible in the winter but maybe close to a sunny window would do?

I like to read and do yoga and meditation...  I can still do this!  Just need to bring it inside with me!  Instead of reading by the lake or in a park, I can read in my living room! Same for yoga and meditation.... although meditation sitting on a bench facing the sun in winter can be quite nice if the wind is not straight in your face!

I like to cook and bake... this is actually easier in winter...  and I can try new recipes!
I also like to knit and sew but I find that in the summer I never have time for that...  maybe I am wandering too much...

As a result of this thinking days I had with myself, I found MY way to love winter:
Lots of cooking and baking!
Lots of knitting and sewing!
Reading, doing yoga and meditation!
And regular walks, especially on sunny days!

I will be more of an indoor person during winter and THAT is OK!!!  I do not need to do all the others do during winter.... and it doesn't mean that I am missing on something!  I tried it and didn't like it....  do you really have to like everything that there is to do???

And you know what?  This works out fine for me...  I get to do what I love most of the year... and more in winter when the weather forces me to stay inside... and enjoy the view rather then the cold!

And as of now, I can say that I love MY winter wonderland!!!!

p.s. this does not mean that I will never complain again about it being too cold... or having to take 20 minutes to dress before going out... BUT, I will complain less as I have something else to look for then the cold and the excessive clothes!

love&peace, as always...
nath
xox
http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=734016786

http://www.pinterest.com/briseboisnathal/boards

Here's the deal...

A while ago I started this blog...  it was January 2011.
I had no clue what I was doing... but I gave myself a huge challenge... one that would change me.
I was doing it for myself to resolve some issues with my life... and it helped!  A LOT!!!

Time went by... and I went from 8 readers to many many more....  and I kept on going...

Until my book came out... then I became obsessed with numbers... I had to use my blog to boost book sales.... I had to be known... and I started selecting what I was writing about... It had to fit into a tiny window of subject that would be about minimalism and veganism and health and yoga...

So I became a "blogger"... and it turned into an adventure more with numbers and frequency then just the fun of writing...  I would check then number of readers 2-3 times a day... I committed myself to writing more and more...  to please my readers so I thought...

Because I wanted to have a "successful" blog, I started following tips from successful blogger... and although I feel like I stay honest and authentic in my writing, I avoided some subjects I would I like to write about...  because it may push away some readers... I committed to 2-3 blog post a week...  to keep my readers interested... I lost track of why I was doing this in the beginning...

Then it became more like a "business" then "for fun" and I started hating it...  I had enough of "having" to write... so I took a break and enjoyed the freedom... then I missed it so I came back...  but still obsessed with the rules and numbers therefore it did not work out... If you have been reading me for a while, you too probably figured out that rules do not work for me! (it was one of the great finding this blog gave me)

Now after a month of not thinking about it I started missing it...  I miss writing... I miss sharing...
I had almost forgotten I was once had a blog...  but it came back... because I was asked if I would do a guest blog post and I felt like doing it...

And slowly but surely, after a well deserved break, the need to write is still there...
But the fixation on the number is gone...

Therefore I am back... BUT in my terms... and no more rules... no more obligations... only listening to me heart and writing when I feel like it... on what I feel like writing...

I am reinstating this blog as it was at first was meant to be:  a journal (that got shared through the Internet but it doesn't have too)

1) A place for me - to write and learn about myself
2) A place to share - because I think some people might benefit from my experiences - and I love to share
3) A place where I write about what I want and feel like...  still in a respectful manner but I will no longer avoid some subject not to "lose" readers...  take it or leave it! It will be my opinion on different subjects...  not every one will agree... but it is what it is...
4) A place with no schedule... I can write 3 post on one week and nothing for a month... there will be no set schedule...  but you will still be able to subscribe by email, FB, Pinterest or Google+ therefore you will not miss anything and you won't have to log in everyday to make sure I did not write anything!

Yes I will keep writing on minimalism and veganism... because it defines who I am. It is part of my life...
Yes I will share more recipes...
And yes I will share on yoga, meditation and other spiritual issues when I feel like it because that too is important in my life and sometimes I need to write on it to see clearly.

But I will also write on some different subjects, related to society and my own personnal life,  how I see it... you opinion and comments will be welcome and appreciated although I will expect them to be respectful like I will be.

We are all adults here.... I hope we can agree to disagree and grow with that.

I hope this can work out for you... I know it will for me! :-)

I sincerely hope that the readers that will stay are the right one and that this can become more then a blog but a place where exchange/comments/discussion are welcome...  a place where you can ask me questions, suggest blog post idea and where people will not be shy to intereact!  This is what I am looking for...

I know it will mean that in the short term I might lose people but that is not what I am after anymore...  I want to share with like minded people.  I need to create a web, a group of my own... of people who trust, respect and like my opinions and who's opinions I trust, respect and like.

love&peace, as always...
nath
xox
http://www.facebook.com/#!/profile.php?id=734016786

http://www.pinterest.com/briseboisnathal/boards