Life is pretty messy! And so am I!!!or should I say pretty but messy??? I try and keep it real... because we all need a little more REAL! Enjoy and share xox
Tuesday, October 28, 2014
Taking a short break....
Hello!
this is a quick post just to say: "see you soon"!
I will take a break until my birthday...
A lot happened over the last year... A LOT MORE then I ever thought possible... or anticipated!
I need to turn in... breathe deep...
I need to look back and see how far I've come...
I need to tie a few loose ends...
I need to figure out "what next?"...
In order to do this I need to say "good bye" to this blog temporarily.... But I KNOW I will be back!
Because I love writing this blog, I only need to get some inspiration and sense of directions. I need to figure out what's in store for me now.
In the mean time, you can follow me on FB or Pinterest where I will still post and share stuff every now and then.
And if you miss me, you can look up old posts.... by subjects... or popularity! Enjoy!
I will write for you again on or around the 19th of November... In the mean time, take care, eat well, unclutter and be yoga!!!
love&peace,
nath
xox
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Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Om... shanti
I rarely write about yoga... even though you must all know that it is a huge part of my life...
It "dictates" how I eat... how I dress... how I live... the work I do... how I think and breathe...
I am Minimalist Vegan Nath because I started yoga! 7 years ago...
Why do I not write more about it? Because to me, yoga is REALLY important... it is powerful... it can change someones life in way you would not even expect or can't even imagine!
7 years ago
1) I was sick with MS
2) I ate anything that was convenient... meat and dairy included... processed food and fast food... and I did not cook
3) I was gaining weight, very little but still, every year...
4) I was trying to be rich to get a big house, fancy cars and travel
5) I was in debt buy 50 000$ without even a mortgage...
6) I was doing work I did not love so much to pay off for that debt and those dreams
Then I started yoga... and it all changed...
1) I am now Minimalist Vegan Nath as you know me
2) I still have a little debt but I am expecting that withing the next year I will be down to 0$ while working part-time at minimum wage and working on my savings too!
3) I no longer want a house or fancy car... or travel to escape from my life: I want a home, something to get me from A to B, and I love my life therefore I do not need to escape from it.
4) MS, 99% of the time is a story from the past
5) 90% of what I eas is homemade
6) I am back to my young adult healthy weight
Change was desirable in my case... if not mandatory! It was not easy... and it took me years... but I would not go back! Not for all the money in the world!
Change was only possible because I started yoga, met great teacher who knew the discipline and shared it with me...
Change was possible because of the Yamas:
1) Ahimsa - non-violence : to yourself, others and the environment : This make me become vegetarian and then vegan... to not hurt my body first of all, then the animals and the planet. A vegan diet is the most compassionate thing one can do.
2) Satya - truthfulness: to be honest with yourself and others : Acknowledge change is require, be honest when you speak with others - honesty does not mean rudeness... you can be honest in your words without harming others.
3) Asteya - non-stealing : you should not take what does not belong to you and on top of that, that principle pushed to the extreme means that what ever you do not use is steeled from someone else. Hence minimalism or simple living. However you like to call it.
4) Brahmacarya - moderation in all things : no excess in anything... and everything should be done with respect to your body, mind and soul and that of others.
5) Aparigraha - non-greed : there is no point in wanting things - whatever you need you already have and what you'll need in the future will be there when you'll need it.
These were life changing to me and today dictate the way I live... I try and apply all of them at all time... sometimes it works... sometimes it doesn't... but yoga is a lifestyle... a journey... not a destination! It requires constant discipline... and there are set backs... and that is OK! You learn from your slips (mistakes) and move on...
Satya and Aparigraha are the most difficult to me... Speaking honestly without hurting people is not always easy... it takes lots of practice... And non-greed in the society we live in is not that simple... as long as I stay away from the mall and the radio and television I am fine... At least I no longer want stuff just to want stuff... usually when I want something I could really use it! And I use it a lot!
I keep on studying yoga... and a practicing it: asanas, yamas, pranayama (breathing) and meditation... because I love it... because it makes me a better person... and because it has improved my life SO MUCH!!!! I want to know what else it can do for me!
One last thing that yoga brought me is to meet amazing people as teachers... and I hope I will not forget anyone here: Yasmin, Kate, Angel, Karen, Gaelle, Maryse, Trish, Deep, Miranda, Madan and Penka... and these were my teachers.... but in every classes there was also amazing students that I met... and I can't name all of them but you know who you are!
There you have it... me and yoga.... maybe I should write more about my practice... and what experiences I get from it... would you like that?
love&peace,
nath
xox
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Saturday, October 18, 2014
growing old and staying young....
This might seem like an impossible thing...
And for those of you who knew me, you know I as afraid or getting old most of my life... not so much anymore... I am not quite sure why but ever since I decided to let go of coloring my hair and fighting the physical sign of aging, I feel younger then ever! Ever since I regained control of my health with lifestyle and diet changes I am not afraid of getting sick...
A girl I work with even told my I was young in spirit (or something to that effect).... Some may say immature (some actually said it!)... but I like young in spirit! It is true that when you look at my physical body and the way I act there's a clash... I look like a 40something women... And I act/think like a 20something... and that is FINE!!!!
You know why?
Because you may not have control, or not as much as you'd like, over the aging of your physical body but it should not dictate how you dress, think and act! What you do with your life... and how you choose to live it!
Of course by eating a plant based diet you do age slower and your physical body looks younger and stays healthier much longer. There are tons of scientific evidences to that effect. Another thing that can help is moderate exercise... like walking, biking, swimming and yoga.... Add to it meditation and breathing... and there you go! You can keep your body in excellent shape! Just like a car that gets TLC and proper maintenance.... It can ride for many many decades! More than average!
There are so many rules as to what you should and should not do according to your age... Who wears torn jeans and ride a bike to work at 42??? Who moves 1000km away from where they spent all their lives with their son and husband at 41? Who becomes a coffee shop girl as a mature adult? Who works part time or pre-retire at 41 (in their prime)? Me, me, me and me.... Because this is the life I chose for myself... never mind the "rules"... Because this is what I want... what suits me...
Nonetheless, your body will age... there is ultimately nothing you can do that will STOP it completely...
In my experience, people who remain young spirited and young at heart do age more gracefully... despite the physical changes. They look younger, healthier and happier... They are the kind of older people I want to be... not the resentful ones... the ones that are frustrated because they did not live their lives... and regret it! The ones that criticizes and advise against following your heart...
You should always follow your hearth... not your brain! If you want to be happy.... Follow your heart, and the brain will finds ways to adapt... Follow your hearth and you will be young in spirit... and you will be happy...
I want to be a nice, happy, healthy and joyful older women... someone younger people look up too as an example of how they want to live their lives.... not as an example of what they want to avoid!
I want to stay young in my head... meaning I want to stay open to new possibilities... new adventure... never stay put and take things for granted... move along with life and time... like the water that follows the river... not like the stone that resist the current... and never sees what is upstreams. I want to be free, move along, go around the stone and see what is beyond... what is coming up and embrace it! Embrace changes.... opportunities... challenges... learn... move on....
No matter what the age of my physical body is!
I want to be the kind of person that knows and truly believes that there is always hope...
I will not get any younger... anytime soon! No one does... We're all heading in the same direction... but I want to be an inspiration to younger people... and show them that there are no right or wrong... that there are no mistakes... no wrong path... you can always change and make new decisions... and take up new challenges... it is NEVER too late... Not at 30! Not a 40! Not at 50! or ever... as long as you take care of your physical body, it will serve you well and you can make you life the life you want... Even if some things are too late to be done, there are alternative...
For example, kind of hard to get a kid in your 50s... but you can work with kids, volunteer, be a big sister (or big brother)...
I've heard of people going back to University once they retired...
I've heard of people ditching their well paid career and do their dream jobs in their forties (rings a bell?)... but I am not the only one... we are an ever growing number of people in their 40s doing that. This is what Generation X does.
You can always change your life... as long as you stay young in your heart... and you spirit...
be young...
live your dreams...
love&peace,
nath
xox
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Tuesday, October 14, 2014
When I was young...
They say that who you are as a kid and teenager is a good indication of who you should be as an adult if you wanted to be happy... that is, I am not talking about teenager crisis years or moments, but rather what you liked to do as a kid and as a teenager... Why are those years so important? Because you did not have time to be brainwashed by society yet... especially as a kid!
I am not so sure this will apply to kids and teenagers today... for many reasons... but for those who grew up in the 70's and 80's what you liked as a kid can help you figure out what you should do today if you wanted to be happy...
When I stopped a few months ago and started thinking about that, the answers I got were astonishing.... and only then did I realise where I was truly going with my life... AND that I finally was on the path to happiness! My happiness!!!
After having tried so many things, I was starting to get discourage as to when, and if, I would ever found something to be happy in as an adult... there was always something missing... I was not profoundly unhappy but felt like it was not quite "perfect" yet... I felt something missing but also something keeping my prisoner...
Now let's backtrack to younger me and my likes (I will only concentrate on my like as this is where the answer came from...)
But first, I must mention that as far as I can remember, I was always very shy... up until I got in my early 30s. I was shy mostly for 2 reasons: because I felt like I did not belong and knew I was different then my surrounding. I did not wanted be made fun off... or attract attention to myself so I tried to blend in. This has given me years of stress and anxiety... trying to fit in is not easy... it would have been easier to surround myself with other people but then I would have attracted the attention to me anyway.... as the people I would have fit in were not the massive crowd (but you may have guessed that already). I did it anyway in due time... My 30s were transition years that did just that... slowly but surely!
Despite all that, I have very good memories of my childhood and teenage years... they are not plenty but they mine... and I cherish them now even more because I understand how significant they were.
At elementary school, my best year ever was 3rd grade.... my teacher had put me in charge of making coffee for the other teachers and herself right before every recess.... because I was good at school and I had spare time... I LOVED it!!! Because it gave me time away from the other kids... AND because the teachers were all so happy to have their coffee ready when the time came. It was also memorable because the very same teacher was having me help the other kids... I was like a tutor. I got a great sense of accomplishment from that... especially because even before I started school I was playing teacher in my basement and I even had a blackboard and desks to put my "students" on...
I guess I always loved to make people happy and teach them something...
I also remember time by the beach... and the sound of the ocean and the seagull... and the feeling of the wind on my face...
Other good memories are of me lying on the grass or the snow and gaze at the clouds or the stars... depending...
Also remember palying on the swing... loved that place where you are unreachable.... I kept doing that for a very long time... well into my teenage years! OK... even as an adult...
As a teenager, I loved to be alone or with a few friends at a time. I was never part of a big gang.... nor did I go out much... I preferred watching movies over dancing and clubbing...
I spent lots of time in my room or elsewhere by myself... reflecting upon life and what could be done to save this planet... I started recycling in my home... and wanted to be vegetarian... I also wanted to register with Greenpeace and take off... this I never did because I was shy and afraid of what people would say... I never wanted to be rich and despised people who were... and made them responsible for the state of this planet and our society...
I turned in a lot... more then out... I looked for answers withing myself instead of within my peers...
I was always attracted to hippies and the way they dress, live and how free they looked... I envied them...
I was always attracted to yoga, meditation, healing, stones, crystals and the like... I believed in astrologies to some extent...
Then what happened??? Then I turned 18, 19, 20... and I "mature" and decided that this would not bring me anywhere in life... decided that it was time I grew up and did something with my life other then dreaming and finding solutions that would never work anyway... so I opted for more rational things: studied science because that was the future at the time... and it opened all the doors!
But who you are cannot be avoided all your life if you are looking for happiness.. you path is there to be folllowed and if you wish to be happy, life will find ways to bring you back to it...
I know mine did... and I am happy for it... even though it took me a while to understand why life was throwing curves ball at me: a chronic illness, a near death experience, a "divorce", a banckruptcy, several job losses... but in the end:
I am now vegan - I wanted to be vegetarian to save animals... but I did not know at the time that it also saves the planet!
I am now minimalist- No longer contribute to make rich people even richer... and by using less new raw material I help buying time for our planet! I am doing this by buying less but also by buying used!
I am now a yogi - I am doing yoga and meditation.... and using alternative medicine to heal myself....
I am free... I am able to pick up and go anytime now - I did it once, I can do it again.
I am teaching and helping others with this blog, my books and my actions...and before that I was a training coordinator for years! Lead my example they say... and this is what I do now.
The swing is my yoga... unreachable when I do it.... and I still like clouds and stars gazing!
And I live 20 minutes from the ocean... and once my husband gets a used car we'll be able to get there easily as often as I want! Most probably during spring and fall when tourists are not there! Avoid the crowds still...
... and I am making coffee... which brings a smile on people's face!
What about you? Who were you as a kid? What did you like? When were you the happiest?
thanks for reading!
and please share if you like this blog!!!
love&peace,
nath
xox
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Tuesday, October 7, 2014
#108 days : final post
warning: this is a LONG post.... as a summary to my #108daystoanewlife I had much to say... I contemplated dividing it into 3 posts but I'd rather let you choose how you wish to read it!
I am a little sad today... I am on day 109... my project is over... and I ended with a post on living with MS because this is my reality and it shapes my life... and the decisions I make. I came across some studies that were saying that most MS patient need a wheel chair by year 15... I am on 17th... and I can walk just fine... and my balance is great... It was also saying that most patient with MS have permanent vision impairment by year 10... I have 20/20 vision! Another point they made is that the last years of your life are spent in bed... and that you rarely live past 34 years of onset... My onset was at 25! You do the math... I am not dying THAT young... and I am not getting a wheel chair!!! Or spending years in bed! And this is why MS shapes my life... I can live like I am OK, because I am... but I am because I make good decisions! I shall never forget that! At my own expense...
Now, in May I had posted an introduction to Project #108daystoanewlife and I have copied some of it here for a final look at it... I am commenting some of it...
1) Why I am doing this?
Because I will be moving to another city and another province. This is huge for me who has spent 41 years of my life in the same city. The lifestyle over there is quite different, from the information I got more in tune with what I want, but still quite different from what I am use to and it will require adjustment for several reasons. First off, I had to rent a place to live in that I have never visited in a city I do not know. This is very out of my comfort zone. My husband and I both have to find new jobs and my son a new school. We'll all have to make "new friends". The daily schedule will be quite different and we'll have to adjust. And for the first time, it will be 3 of us full time. It will be more like a big village than a big city - going from roughly 4 millions people from all over the world to 70 000 people not as diversified.
Our apartment is just perfect... would I have visited it, I could have have made a better choice. I was lucky. My husband and I both quickly found jobs... that we LOVE! And my son is adapting well to his new school. He even no longer hates Mondays! Schedule is not issues and easy to deal with. Living the 3 of us all the time does require some adjustments... but we talk a lot about it and find solutions... so we all have our personal time and time as a family, as well as each of us time with the other... I love my new, much, much smaller city... the life is slower and much less stress... people are really nice... there is less temptation to shop and spend money therefore making less in not an issue! It allows me to work part time and take care of my health!
2) What do I expect from it?
Therefore, I imagined this project to help with the transition. If I am going to a new life, I will make a new life. I will need to change the way I live to go even more into the direction I wish to take. There will be no more excuses. I wanted to get full on with this new life in a place where people have no expectation of me, do not know the "old" me and will get to know me for who I am now. I want this "who I am" to be really like who I want to be - really let my inner self come out without boundaries. I know I am use to put barrier and build walls around me - I do not want to do this over there and this project will prevent me from doing it - at least to some extent.
Right on! I am who I am... I assume it... and I am no longer shy or ashamed of it! I am a Minimalist, Vegan, Hippie of 41 years old.. I do not aspire to be rich or wealthy... I do not aspire to earn lots of money or increase my status in society... I want to live a life that is simple... filled with love towards my son and husband... I want to do my yoga... dress weird and act like a 20 something hippie... I treat my son like another person living with us (not a kid that needs supervision) - mature, responsible and not needing to be told what to do all the time. I do my parenting differently... showing him to take care of himself by eating well and exercising, showing him to respect himself, others and the nature around him... I am teaching him to follow his dreams that comes from his hearth and not his brain... and this is new to me... in a way. I use to put so much focus on formal education... and what people say... I have a son I am proud of! He has his own dreams and will do whatever it takes to make them come true - he needs support by someone who respects that even if his dreams are not like mine. He is not attached to people or things... he can move on quite easily... I think what I expected of this project actually happened even though the mean may have been different then what I expected.
3) How do I see it?
As an opportunity to assume who I am with all that this entails. An opportunity to no longer find excuses for old patterns. A chance to reinvent myself yet again... I have made several changes to my life over the last 7 years but yet, there are some that stayed in the back burner because I made up excuses... I did not want to let people down... I did not want to seem even weirder then I might already be...
One of those things was to take a job a love even if it is less pay and doesn't require all my education and background... and I did it! And I am proud of it! And I am really happy at that job! And it brings in just enough money.
It will be a project that will last 108 days ( I will explain why 108 days in next week's post), a project in which I will have to challenge myself, do out of my comfort zone stuff, do things I always wanted to try but never did.... I will be 108 days to work on a newer me...
Well... I did work on myself... in ways I did not expect... my life took me a place I had never imagined I was heading too... and that's OK! Because by not fighting it, I really believe that I am now where I should be.
I do not know why I would need to go there to do it (although I have some doubt) but I intend to find out during those 108 days.
I do know now why I needed to move so far... and sorry if this is hurting anyone... but I needed to move away from certain people. I needed to create a physical distance between me and some "not as supportive" people. And in some instances, to get that distance emotionally I needed to create a physical one... At least this is the only way I could find.... after trying others of course!
I am not doing this #108daystoanewlife challenge to prove that I can do more - but rather to show myself that I can be who I want to be! Completely! 100%!
And that worked too... even though I have a few more steps to completely assume myself they are under way and I know nothing will stop me now.
In another post a few days later I officially announced the rules of my #108daystoanewlife . Little did I know that most of those rules would be dropped... only because I realise that when I give myself rules, I do all I can to brake them. Therefore another approach I took is to actually take those rules and make them long term objectives... and that has better results! Once again I have copied the rules and going through them to see what happened...
Rules are:
Project start: June 21 2014
Project end: October 6th 2014
Daily:
- Post a picture on social medias - I have dropped most social media after a few weeks...
- Keep a journal - never did that for more then 3 days in a row! I cannot write a journal... my blog and my status on FB are my journal. It is what it is. That stopped quite early. In fact last entry is on Day 26th.
Weekly:
-Every Friday there will be a blog post about the past week. Sometimes it was not on Friday, especially when I started working and school resumed... I refuse to kill myself over this but there was a blog post every day...
Objectives/Challenges:
1)Not buy anything that is not food or a vital necessity. If I do, I have to post a picture and amount of money spent. This will not be easy for me - being in a new place, I will want to buy stuff...
There are 2 exceptions to that rule:
a) what my son needs for school
b) missing furniture: couch, dinner table, coffee table, washer and dryer - but must be bought used Did get the dinner table used.. no need for another coffee table... I am not getting a washer and dryer but using the one from the building... Couch is not bough yet and will not be used. I just can't get a used couch.
I did buy a few more things... like bicycles (transport system), clothes for work and some items because my style changed... but spent very little money on that. Never did the picture and sharing of the amount because I feel this is no one's business. I also bought a set of dishes because I broke some and I had exactly what I needed therefore we could no longer eat all at the same time. I bought a set of 4 since we never really get visitors over AND I could not find anything sold by piece. A set of 4 was the smallest.
2) Complete a Treego obstacle - I am afraid of heights and I could never do one of those things where you go from one tree to another in the forest - it is ridiculous, there is absolutely no danger!
Forget about this! I refuse to spend 30$ dollar on doing something I hate just to prove I can do it. There is no added value. Who cares if I am afraid or height? Are we suppose to be high above the ground anyway? If we were, we'd have wings.
3) I will do a fruit/veggie cleanse for 7 days - on those days, I will be eating only fruits and veggies. They can be raw or cooked. A little oil/ herbs/spice are permitted. Smoothies are also permitted but with no "milk" or any protein added to it in the form of nuts and seeds. Juicing is OK of course. If all fails and I really cannot stand my hunger, I am allowing myself 2 handfuls of nuts per day - but I will have to mention it.
Did not do that one... simply because by the time I was suppose to start it, as per my agenda, I had started work and I think it would not have been a good idea to do this while working. Also, I am no expert on the subject but I think I move around way to much for that...I would have to discuss that first with someone who knows what they are doing. For health reasons.
4) Do yoga in the park at least 7 times - always too shy to practice outside where people could see me
I meditated a few times and did some yoga once outside... not on the grass because of all the geese it is filled with crap. Next summer I will know Moncton more and find a proper place to do that.
5) Let my hair go back to their natural color - by day 21, I will have to cut my hair and not dye it again at least until my 108 days are over. I will post picture of my natural color. After the 108 days are over I can choose to stay natural or dye again. This is one of the biggest objective for me. I've been wanting to do that for 2 years now. Now is the time!
THIS is the thing I am more proud off... it may seem like the easiest but it sure is not! Having silver or grey or salt and pepper hair at 41 is a BIG deal... and not expected... and not even supported by society! You have to remain young looking at all cost.... and this is not young looking! Although I must say that after I got use to it (roughly 3 weeks) I did not see myself as looking older but jut as having a different cool hair color and cut! I do not feel older and do not act older either! But my scalp is healthier, my wallet too... and I save time every 4 weeks to do what I love instead of poisoning myself! And quite honestly, I got way more compliments on my new look then I expected (I was expecting none!).
6) Get an indoor plant and keep it alive!
Got 2!!! Alive and growing.... after I killed one... Now will look into having a inside herb garden... Cilantro, Mint, Basil and Parsley.....
7) For 21 consecutive days, I will do at least 1h yoga. I do a regular practice but most time shorter than that and never did 21 consecutive days. - I rather practice 3-4 times a week
This was way to much for my body. I did some of it and then cut the 1h yoga to 30 min yoga and 30 min meditation/relaxation... I now do yoga 3-4 times a week.... back to where I started but this is what works best for me.
8) For 21 days I will wake up at 6am and go for an hour walk before breakfast. Rain or shine.
Nope... I wake up a 5h30 am every day for my husband to go to work... I sit with him while he has breakfast and then hit my mat especially when I have work too and won't have time for yoga later on during the day... No time for walking and we walk A LOT anyway... just getting to and from places! I do not need to do more then that.
9) For 21 consecutive days, I will try a new recipe. Recipes are to be choose a little later and will be shared on my weekly post when I do chose them
I got in a cooking/baking halt... did not feel like it and did not feel like trying anything new... I am now getting back to it with the colder weather... I did try a few new things: some pickling (beets, cauliflower, onions), a pumpkin loaf, pumpkin muffins, an easy one bowl muffin recipe, a new Indian dish, some mashed cauliflower, a apple desert, a fall stew and a new veggie soup... 11 new recipes. And I also identified some recipe I'd love to try for this winter.
10) I will have to read the books in the above picture at a minimum. I will not list them here but as they are completed, I will share with you on my weekly post - and if by the end I did not complete all the reading I wanted to do, I will mention which are left.
The only book I read form that list was Martin Luther King. I find reading is an issue still.... I do not seem to be able to make the time for it. What I will do is continue reading the books I had identified and mention on FB once one is completed. I will get through that list, most likely when the weather is colder and we stay in more. Summer is NOT a reading season for me - books are more associated with cold, snow, rain in my case anyway...
11) Do one writing exercise in my "642 things to write" about book per day
That too stop quite early.... maybe on day 22nd... because I was already writing enough and all those things I needed to do were becoming to cumbersome and I felt this project was out to show the world instead of turning in... This was the first thing I dropped.
12) Get a tattoo - my first and only one - for 4 years now I wanted to get one - I finally chose which one - I will have to get over my fear of that. The image I choose is very significant to me and I will explain it to you once I get it done.
Did not do that - afraid the pain is not worth the result. Period.
13) No processed snack (chips, cookies, crackers...) for 108 days - if I cheat' I'll have to mention it
Followed that for 35 days... then I cheated... I had some Oreo cookies... and then a few days later very little chips... only to realise that I enjoy those snacks... even though I know they are not the best for me, I know they are vegan... and that once in a while is not that bad! After all I love those life little pleasures... But, what resulted from that is that I eat much much less frequently of those vegan junk food and when I do the quantity is MUCH smaller because I get satisfied faster.... and nauseated faster too! Perhaps one day I will no longer be able to have those... I can see it. In due time.
14) No eating after 7 pm for 108 days. In the case where I would be really hungry, fruits would be permitted - If I cheat (meaning something else then fruits), I'll have to mention it
Quite easily done... we changed supper time so that we finish around 6h30 -7h pm... and then I eat an apple before bed. That works out just fine. I may have cheated 3-4 times while watching a movie on Netflix.
15) Organize a vegan potluck to meet new vegan friends in Moncton - this is not something I am comfortable with or ever did... but I want to try it and see what happens!
I came to my senses.... I do not like to have people over. Period. Except for tea and desert... or snacks... I have to accept that.
There was another rule that I created that I could not find in my posts (I think it was announced at a later time).. but I wanted to stay 21 days without television - we did 35!!! Easily!!! And now the only time I watch TV is when my son ask me to watch something with him. And that is perfect! We did not take a TV service and stuck to Netflix. That works fine for us - we all watch much less of it and are not influenced by advertisement and the like...
And in the end, on top of all that, here's what my #108daystoanewlife gave me:
A life that I love... I life for myself. Over the last year and a little more (since my book came out), I had set myself up to change the world! Well I just can't do that! I am not strong enough... I am not big enough.... or known enough... I had to come to my senses... by trying to change the world, I was loosing myself and neglecting the 2 people I love most - my son and husband. I was getting tired and depressed about the too little impact I had... I was in constant contact with social medias... Interact, check numbers, make sure I am visible... I would post every single thing I did and every single breath I took... I wanted to prove to other that my way is the best way... for your health and for the planet... well I do not need to prove anything to anyone... I live my life the way I want and I know I have some influence on some of you and that is good enough! One by one you guys make small changes... and influence others to do the same... and this is how it woks! Through a community... not a single person.
This brought me to take the decisions to cut some of my presence on social medias... and therefore cut the time spend on them... I currently am only on Facebook, Google+ and Pinterest. I have shut down my website, Facebook page, Goodreads, Bidstrips, Twitter, Instagram, LinkedIn and also lost the iPhone and got a regular flip phone. I go on social medias once or twice a days... almost never on Saturdays and Sundays.... and that is just great!
Another huge change was in my wardrobe... I dress with less then ever. You can see my list of clothes for the next 7 months here . And I do realise that this is much more then I'd like to dress in but this is what I need for now with work requirement and the fact that I refuse to let go of clothes because of a number. If I love the clothes and they fit me and my lifestyle well they are staying and I will only need less replacement in the future years.
I also have a better sense of direction as to where my life is going and I am now sure that 9in no specific order):
1) I love to work part time
2) I want to get involved with a yoga studio to share my knowledge
3) I am aiming to cook 95% from scratch... I am currently at 75-80%
4) I want to write more
5) I want to have more time for longer yoga practices and register with a studio
6) I want to live in a tiny house - long term
7) I want to choose more wisely who I surround myself with
8) My husband and I want to travel America in a Winnebago, live a few months in Portugal and a few months in Bali. This is LONG term... maybe 15 years...
9) We want to live debt free - as soon as possible and forever after and believe it is possible as the rate we are now spending money, reimbursing debt and increasing our savings.
10) I will not go back to permanently live in Montreal OR Quebec.
OK... that is enough... I do not know what to write anymore... but in the end, these #108daystoanewlife were really a way to create a new life for myself... to stay open to possibilities and try new things. When you let your guard down, when you stop trying and planning and start to let go and watch things unfold and happens, you get to where you should be much faster. This was lesson #1 from all that.
thanks for reading!
and please share if you like this blog!!!
love&peace,
nath
xox
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Monday, October 6, 2014
Living with MS
11 years ago, almost day for day, I was sitting in my neurologist's office and receiving the diagnosis: I had MS... recurrent-remitent form. This diagnosis, although I wish it would have been otherwise, was actually not surprising me... for 6 years prior to that, I had had symptoms of MS that doctors would account to viruses and stress... depending on the symptom... and the doctor!
This, was, at the time, the worst day of my life... little did I know at then, that it actually was the best thing that could happen to me!
I can hear you think... "wow! she really is gone crazy!!!! How can an incurable neurodegenerative disease diagnosis can be the best day of her life???" Well it had me changed the way I live... and for years, I have make changes.... to my diet... to my lifestyle... and as a result I am here and now! I do not wish to go through all the details as they can be found in my book "Life Happens: Living a Healthy Life Despite a Chronic Illness" that you can find on Amazon here. (hard or soft cover... or kindle) but what I wish to acknowledge is that have I not receive this diagnosis, I know that I would not be here and now... because any fixed point in the past will influence your future and would it be different, you future would be to! I will never know how different it would be... but what I do know is that looking back, I can see that I was lost and completely off track from what I had wished for all my teenage years... I was becoming someone I always hated... I was becoming what people were expecting... and what society was expecting... I was becoming those people I dreaded as a teenager and young adult.... I was becoming who I swore I would never be...
And now, I can say that who I was becoming is gone.... and I am now giving myself the chance to be who I dreamed about.... and this is wonderful! Why did I needed such a diagnostic to let me be who I wanted to be I will never know... and that is not what matters most. What matters most is that I know I am back on track... and although not quite the extremist I dreamed about at 17, I am not far... and I know in a few years from now I will be that person... breaking walls is not any easier as you grow older. Although I have no one to answer too, I have all those patterns and models of HOW things SHOULD be... and this is the REAL wall I have to break.
Now following my diagnosis, I had different reactions to it and this is something I never really shared with anyone... but my husband...
First I wanted everyone to know... to get their empathy. Instead I got their pity... not quite the same and NOT desirable at all since it was bringing on self-pity and I was getting worse and worse...
Once I had enough of the pity, the timing was fortunate enough that I also got laid off and had to start over in a new environment. At that point, I decided not to tell anyone... EVER! Only because I did not wanted to have pity from anyone anymore and also because I wanted to go on with a normal life. Little did I know that life cannot be normal with a neurodegenerative disease... even though it looks like it. Therefore I started feeling lonely... and like I was lying to people around me... pretending to be weird just for the fun of it (at the time I was vegetarian and opting for minimalism slowly)...
when in fact being different was somehow forced on me for greater goods.
At one point I decided to let people know again... slowly... and people who I trusted not to be different with me... and that was the best approach! Until I came out with the book.... and all the social media implication... and now everyone I meet can easily know that I have MS and published a book... and that is OK now because I do not need anyone's empathy... and I do not care for their pity... nor do I acknowledge it! I can assume being different because I have my reasons... and mostly because having MS has actually been the best thing that happen to me (aside from my son and husband of course) and I would not change it... and despite what people may think or fear for me, I do not have those fears anymore... I am in control! MS no longer is!
I have been medication free 7 years, no crisis in 9 years and not one single symptoms in 6 years... This is amazing!
And because they say that the way you are 10 years after your first crisis is most likely to dictate how you will be the rest of your life... I have hope.... My first crisis was in October 1997!!! 17 years ago!
Because I do my yoga, eat vegan, live a simple stress free life I know that I can control this beast!
And I know that most of you who are reading this and have MS could do the same! If only you gave yourself a chance! It is not easy... it requires changes... sacrifices... or choices (like I prefer to call them)... but in the end, you have everything to WIN and nothing to loose!
Take charge of you life....
Be in control...
Let no one decide for you...
Now, at this point, I am working out the courage to go for another MIR... and see the results. According to some informations I have and some other patients who took a similat path, the actual lesions to my brain that were observed 11 years ago could have shrunk or disappear... I would like to find out for sure but I am afraid of the answer... and if they were still there... how would htat make me feel???
thanks for reading!
and please share if you like this blog!!!
love&peace,
nath
xox
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Sunday, October 5, 2014
#108 days: week 15... and only 3 more days to go...
This picture was taken this week at sunrise... I love fall... and I love sunrise... both so magical! And I love my view... I know I am repeating myself...
On another note, I am now on my last complete week and in a few more days, I will have a detailed post about what this #108daystoanewlife gave me...
But as for this week, there has been not too many changes on my side... however, my husband almost made a deal on a used car.... he's getting there! To me this was a huge decision because I had said so many times that I would not have another car! However, this was when I was back in Montreal and I have come to realise that life in Moncton is slightly different. Although bus transit system is awesome for a small town, it still brings my husband late (by only 3 minutes) to work 2 days a week on average... his boss understands... for now.... not sure how long before this becomes a real issue! Another thing is that with my son entering the cadets: some places he has to go are really far off and not always accessible by bus! And he'd love to go. We did look into carpooling and he is doing that for now BUT not all activities are mandatory therefore for optionnal activities he depends on his drive...
For me, personally, having a car is still useless... and what's in it for me??? Not much! The only thing I can see, is that I will be able to go to the beach... which is 20 minutes from here but that I couldn't go to this summer because of transportation issues... the rest, I could do without... but I see that it will have so some benefits for my son and husband... and isn't that what a family is all about? Making it work for ALL members???
I am still not gona use that car for grocery shopping, going to work or shopping... anything I can access otherwise I will and my husband and son too! This is the agreement we came to, to minimize car amd gas usage! And stay in shape!!
I will also cancel my driver's license. I do not like to drive... never did and never will! Plus with MS, they are giving my a hard time renewing it each year and I need to get doctor's note that "yes I can still drive"... and I just hate it! It takes time and money...
Besides that, this week as more or less been routine... work, yoga, cooking... I still wish I could read more... and realise that if I would have a comfy spot to sit at home I would... here comes the need for a couch... at least a small one. Soon... I hope! In the mean time, I could get use to read in my bed... I just never did so much... so I don't think of it much!
Working with the public has given me a chance to experiment a few notions on human nature... and relationships! And it is amazing... I am discovering so much about people! For example, it is so right how your attitude changes the other's attitude... coworker AND clients! Even if they are with you a few seconds, if you change your attitude towards them every single day for a while, their attitude towards you changes too!
One more thing about this week is that I have slow down so much that, on what I now call "busy days", I am not feeling so great at the end of the day! But I also know that this "busy day" is not even as busy as my life back in Montreal a year ago was... I can't remember how I did it! I am not sure if my life there was "normal" or my life is here... but I know that I much prefer my life here! Less busy and more time to myself... more time to breathe and do nothing!
I do not have a lot more to say about this week... as I am finally settling down to a lifestyle I wanted for myself...
I will now reflect about the whole experiment and get back to you on Tuesday with a final post of my #108daystoanewlife !
thanks for reading!
and please share if you like this blog!!!
love&peace,
nath
xox
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