Is this the first or last day?

                                          Painting done by myself when I was 20.  Long time
                                          ago...  but it started on a white canvas!


I have had a deep reflexion with myself over the last few days.... it came upon me while reading a book my son had to read for his French course.... and he said I would love it!
The book is about a 10 years old boy dying from cancer...  (I know... why have 12 years old read such a book???  I was upset at first but I got it in the end!)  I did indeed love the book! The title is "Oscar et la dame rose" and you can find it here.

I loved it despite the fact that I ended in in tears in the bus on my way to work... but still... I controlled it quite well looking out the window!  I do not think many people realized I was crying! lol

The thinking that came upon me is the following:  at one point in the book, there's a discussion about how you see life... and they say that you should always see everything and everyone as if it was the first time you would see it or them!  Or as if it was your first time doing an activity! Everyday is like if it was your first day on this planet.

Let me explain to you why that surprised me... 

Ever since I was really close to dying when my son was born a little over 12 years ago, I had a new take on how I saw life...  and it helped me "live" more!   Feel alive and not just be going thou life but actually enjoying it!!!  I have looked at everyday as if it was the last one!!! It made me less scare of the future which was good in a way...

I clearly remember the ride on my way back home a week after my son was born and I was strong enough (according to the doctor) to go back home...  I was looking at everything: a tree, a bridge, a house... as if I may have never seen it again... as if it may have been the last time I saw it!  This made me realize that life was finite.  Precious. Short! We all have a expiration date... but we do not know when it is!!!  So I started living as if it was my last day on this planet...  for a while anyway...  I was enjoying it.... then I got sick and I actually believe it COULD be my last day... that was not as much fun!!! And got me in many financial troubles!!  But anyway...

What I really want to say is that in the end, to look at a day as if it was the first one is FAR MORE POSITIVE than to look at it as if it may be the last!!!  In all honesty, you do know that it is NOT your first day... but it may be your  last....  but your day is more surprising, more cheerful, more positive if you look at everything and everyone like if they're all new to you...  It also allows you to reinvent your life everyday for it to be what you REALLY want!!!  It allows you to not be stuck in old patterns... It's like starting to write a brand new book with a blank page everyday!  Or a new painting on a white canvas!  You can create everything you want with the new day!!!

And what I really really want to admit is that all those years I have been trying to enjoy life...  as much as I can.... and sometimes got stuck in old patterns... and now I know why...  I was looking at everything as a continuity to something instead of as a new beginning!!!

I hate to admit it....  but I was wrong.. wrong to look at life with no astonishment!!!  Everyday gives you news chances... new opportunity.... a blank page or a white canvas...  USE IT!!!! Recreate yourself!!!  This is what you are there for!!!

So will it be your first or last day on this planet???