Why I don't like labels

"We must never allow other people's limited perception define us" Virginia Satir

I used to define myself as a minimalist vegan yogi.
I no longer do...
Let me explain...

I used those labels as I was trying to figure out who I was. I needed to belong to a group in order to exist. I became different then how I was raised and all my knowledge of who I was or who I should be was shaken up... I was rejected by so many... I needed like minded people and groups of strangers with similar beliefs was the closest thing I could get.

Those labels, those strangers were giving me a feeling of belonging. Guidelines to follow.

They made me realize who I truly was.
If you give me guidelines, I will give my 200% to follow them and be the best at it. Or at least I used to.

Then I realized that guidelines easily become rules for extremists... and then you loose me.  When people push to much, I question more...

Let's look at each of my old labels.

Minimalist.

Most minimalists will say that there are no rules to be one. But social media, can be wonderful but also the worse thing tbat was ever invented! Dig a little and you will find classes of minimalists. Those who own less than a 100 items, those who dress with 33 items of clothing, those who live out of a backpack and travel the world owning nothing,  those who own nothing physically but everything digitally and I could go on and on... There is nothing wrong with that in itself... as long as they are happy that way! What is wrong is the judgement between the different minimalists. They are apparently not all created equals. In the end it made me feel like no matter what I did, I could never be "minimalist enough"... so I came up with what works for me!
I don't own very much because I like to move and it makes it easy... I have 7 cupboards in my kitchen and everything fits in there including food... I own 7 books and 5 cd's and most of the time I live without home internet! But I have many clothes and jewelry! Not even close to what I use to have but more then some... and that's ok! I LOVE CLOTHES! Very little furniture  and all 18 years or older... because I don't care for furniture... but that is what works for ME!

Vegan.

I was vegetarian but then became vegan to be "closer to perfection" so I thought. I was a strict vegan for 4 years. But here again, go figure, you can be "not vegan enough"! I would have starved or be naked instead of eating/wearing anything that may have touched an animal! But it was not emough as I was not an animal activist or owned a shelter... It was really hard! Anyone who says the opposite is lying! I wanted to travel more... and being so restrictive with food makes it hard! And I don't always feel like making all my food all the time! So, I started allowing stuff... I would eat a muffin even if it was most likely made with dairy, I would get store bought cookies every now and then... but no dairy as stand alone! and then added back eggs! If there is caramel M&M I WILL eat some! This summer, while camping, I had marshmallow on the camp fire and I absolutely loved it! I am definitely no longer vegan but not vegetarian either as I don't eat cheese ever... and that's ok! I eat what I want and what works for me... and it will change over time. Because this is what humans do: change, adapt, evolve!

Yogi.

Same thing here... I do a simple yoga practice that focuses more on basic asanas, meditation and pranayama. I also follow the yamas and nayamas as well as dietary guidelines because they work for me. It makes me feel good and healthy! I don't follow yoga trends... I do yoga in my pj's, at home, never post a picture of me in a yoga pose... it is more of a spiritual practice and how can you capture spirituality in a picture!? In my opinion, developing my spiritual self means letting go of my ego self... so there can't be no pictures of me showing off in a head stand or arm balance...

Therefore, honestly, use any words to describe me you want to but I will never fit perfectly... I don't do rules. I don't want to anymore. I don't need to. I am happy and busy enough being me. I do what works for me. And so should you. But you need to figure that out... so try stuff! Experiment! Try labels and then own them... make them yours -your way! Nothing can be one size fits all! We are complex beings... at the very least, I know I am! Very complex... and proud of it!

Chloe 💜&✌

My current yoga practice

I started practicing yoga in March 2006 as an "homework" from therapy.  To be honest, I had been attracted to it for a while but never did it. It was not a bad homework. At the time, I was doing mostly stretches, breathing and meditation... and a few basic asanas. However, I was not very flexible and too busy in my head (ego) to be able to meditate. Although it actually made me sleep better if I did my stretch, breathing and attempted meditation before sleep, I didn't feel it was working very much...

I should have known better.

I had planted a seed...

The seed started growing in September 2007.
At the time, my infrequent yoga practice had brought me to another place in my life and I was ready for more. I started looking into the yamas and nayamas, the philosophy and history of yoga.  I started going to yoga studios to attend actual classes. I read books on yoga - many books.  Over the years I tried hatha, ashtanga, yin, kundalini.  I studied and changed my life to respect a yogic lifestyle. It spoke to me in a language I understood.  It gave me answers to my life long questions.

I am not saying I became the perfect yogi overnight or that I am now... not even sure there is such a thing.  It is the work of a lifetime. Perhaps even more so in a materialistic ego based society like ours...

Letting go if our conditioning...
Letting of our misbelief...
It takes a while... it takes works... and there is a price to pay.

You may not "fit" in your old life. That's OK.
It's a small price compare to what you gain.

So, I showed up and did the work. I changed the way I lived, the way I ate, the way I worked.  Slowly but surely I changed everything. As seen from the outside.  However, as seen from the inside, it felt like going home. Every step was liberating. Every step brought me closer to my true nature.

I gain knowledge of myself.
I gain respect for myself.
I started to love myself.
I found internal peace.

Years later, I like to attend a Kundalini yoga class when I can but there are no such studios where I live now. Therefore, I developed my own home practice consisting of meditation, breathing and some basic asanas. 

The finding that twelve asanas were created five thousands years ago to prepare the body for meditation changed my practice and made me question the complexity of today's practice... being a simple person, a simple practice that was complete was very appealing to me.

So here's what I do Monday to Friday upon rising:

Short meditation
Alternate nostrils breathing
Breath of fire
Stretches
Mountain
Tree (on each leg)
22 Sun Salutes (20 on Fridays)
Warrior dance (warrior 1, warrior 2, triangle, warrior 3, dancer -on each side)
Boat
Bridge
Savasana
Longer meditation

It totals up to 108 Sun Salutations per week.  The sacred number. This number is sacred in so many ways. You can read more about it here .  Essentially, 108 is a frequent number mathematically, astrologically and spiritually.  There are:
-108 beads in a japa mala
-108 stairs to a Buddhist temple
-108 Hindu deities
-the distance between the Sun and the Earth is 108 Times  the diameter of the Sun (same for the moon)
-there are 108 stitches on a baseball

...and I could go on and on...

This is what works for me.
This is what I can do any where I live.
This is what makes me feel at home, centered, at peace, healthy...this is what allows me to be me.
No excuses. No apologies needed.
This is all I need.
For now.

If there is one lesson I took from all that yoga studying and doing,  it's that we change constantly... and we need to adapt. I also learned that simpler is better and all you need.  The rest can be fun, challenging, but it doesn't add anything to the results.

Don't forget that "Yoga is not about tightening your ass but about getting your head out of it."  (I can't remember who said that but I love it).

Therefore, perhaps  we could revise what we are lead to believe about yoga here in America... did we manage to turn this millennium old philosophy/spiritual practice into a money making ego based practice???

Just something to meditate on...

Chloe 💜&✌

This is THE place.

I spent the week end camping in Fundy National Park which was designated a biosphere reserve by the UNESCO in 2007. It is an amazing place. I adore it.

The first time I went there 3 years ago it was love at first sight... can you see why?

Here are a few more pictures...

Honestly,  if I could, I would live there...

It is just an hour away from my home... do I go often enough? Absolutely not... but after this week end, I promise myself I would try to go once a month until it is lost under snow... maybe not camping as the nights are getting on the cooler side and we are not well equipped for that... but for a day trip! For sure!!! I need it.

The nature is spectacular, forest, bay of Fundy with the highest tide in the world, waterfalls, enough elevation, lakes, amazing sky at night... every where you look is simply awesome!

We like to hike there. No matter how you feel, there's a hike for you... we did very simple hikes and some quite difficult... you can relax... enjoy the sound of the wind, the birds singing, the red squirrel trying to tell you something... the sound of waves or waterfalls... It is do big that you can always easily find a quiet spot and just hang out there with a book, a notebook and penciks, or your binoculars!

Remember a few posts back I mentioned feeling home pretty much anywhere quite easily? Well this place is the only place I get really upset leaving... I actually have a meltdown when I do. I do not want to be anywhere else... I want to be THERE!

So much so that my husband and I promised each other that when he joins me into retirement, in a few years, we'd spend a whole season there! I can't wait!!! In the meantime I'll try to go as often as I can...

Well this is it for today... still a little cranky of being back home... 😉

Where is your place? The one place you'd stay forever?

Chloe 💜&✌

About my age...

Very early on, we are thought not to ask an older person her age. It is impolite. Especially women.

Have you ever wonder why? Well, we worship youth in America. You have to be young. Or you don't matter. Perhaps that has something to do with it.

Do you follow that rule all the time? I don't.  I am fascinated by age.

I am 45.
I do not lie about my age.
Never.
I don't mind people asking me.
Never did.

Maybe the fact that people usually do not believe I am 45 helps. But still.

I am 45. I feel like 30. Really.

Do I like growing older? Not sure... maybe because 45 falls into an abyss.

However, I like it better than the actual only alternative: dying young.

It's just that I am in that awkward phase... an age between ages... an age where most women fight to stay young or look younger, an age where you take off 10 years of your actual age - or you seem like you gave up. An age that is not really accepted in our society - look at books, movies TV shows here in America...

But I am 45: too old to be young and to young to be old.
The invisible non-existent woman.

Why can't we introduce people by name and age? People should be as proud to give their age as they are to give their names.

I know age is just a number. But in today's life quite a meaningful one.

I guess what I am trying to say is why not try and make room for people of every age in our society?  Just let us, middle age women, live, not ashamed of our age, changing hair color,  appearing wrinkles and changing bodies... let us accept that phase as a normality, as something that is desirable and should be celebrated! Life is so much easier when you don't feel the pressure to fit into an impossible-to-fit-in mold...

I am afraid that if we don't accept ourselves at 45, there will be no more lovely old ladies eventually.  You can't go from looking 25 to 70 overnight... That doesn't make sense.

Chloe 💜&✌