Flap of a butterfly wings

Can the flap of a butterfly wings in Brazil cause a tornado in Texas?  This is a metaphysical question that has been looked at since the early 70s...  You can google "Butterfly effect" or "Effet papillon" if you wish to find out more... Now, why would I talk about this today?  Because lots of people are reading this blog... I get many comments which I appreciate, honestly!   Now, some people have been asking me why I was doing this?  Why am I vegetarian?  Why am I not drinking?  Why go organic?  Why not buy stuff? Why am I considering veganism?  Why do I not take everythinglife has to offer me?

To me the answers seems obvious as the process which brought me to this happened gradually...  It took me more than 3 years to get to this point...  However, I do realize that you guys are not inside my head... and most of you have not even know me for 3 years!

So maybe it is time that I try and explain myself...

I have always try to be environmentally friendly... with ups and downs I must admit...  I have had my share of
overconsumerims and saying "why bother"?  I cannot have such a big impact by myself... Now, when I was a teenager in the 80s I remember insisting that we start recycling at home...  I did not have a car before my son was born 10 years ago... And to be quite honest, the status of this planet has been worrying me for several years... at one point (in my early 20s) I even considered not bringing kids in this world because of that! Even thus I am really happy  changed my mind since it allowed my to have my wonderful son!!!

I was introduced to yoga in 2006 (why is a different story - I will tell you at another time)... Yoga is a physical discipline, a way to manage stress and a way of life...  Yoga has brought me to become vegetarian more than 3 years ago... and then slowly made me change other things in my life. Why?  Because It made me see that everything I do or think or do not do or do not think as an impact on someone or something somewhere...  We are all connected in some ways...

Hence the butterfly effect...   If I flap my wings, I can create a tornado somewhere or prevent one...  So I need to think about every gesture I make...  If I decide to eat or not eat something, buy or not buy...  I am well aware now of the impacts of eating meat, the impacts of overconsumerism, the impact of using non organic food or clothing... And I cannot pretend I am not aware!  That would not be honest! E
Even thus I am not quite there yet for the clothing...  I will however try...
 
I wanna live in a sustainable way...  for this planet... so that even after I am gone, there will be water and trees and food for my son and future generations... I may not have a big impact, or maybe I do.. but that is not the pooint... I will probably never know for sure anyway...

But I am doing this for myself strangly... so that when I die, when I look at my life, I will have not regrets or will not have to ask myself "what if?"

Now I know this is in french but for those of you who do undertand some french please read it carefully...

« À cause du clou, le fer fut perdu.
À cause du fer, le cheval fut perdu.
À cause du cheval, le cavalier fut perdu.
À cause du cavalier, le message fut perdu.
À cause du message, la bataille fut perdue.
À cause de la bataille, la guerre fut perdue.
À cause de la guerre, la liberté fut perdue.
Tout cela pour un simple clou. »
Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790)

Doing dishes

I wonder at what age we stop seeing doing the dishes as a fun water game?

Over the last few days, I have been with my son 24 h a day... except for this yoga class on Thursday night... He is 10 years old... At several times he hasked me to help with daily chores.. wether it be making bread,  laundry, paking the grocery, storing the grocery once we get home, doing the dishes...  I was surprised by that...  When he was younger, he would always do the dishes with my husband...  when it was time, he would bring a chair by the sink and just help... he started doing this when he was about 2 but stopped around 5 because he would then do his homework...  So when he offered me tonight I did not say no...

I was looking at him having fun doing this simple task...  that basically consist of playing in the water...  and this is really how he saw it...  he would make music with glasses, splash water...  and laugh... 

Samething for the laudry... he had a blast just pouring the detergent evenly all over the clothes....

Those are chores we, as adult, do every day... and are sometimes grumpy about... but to him, it was just another game...

When do we loose that???  When is it, that we start being grumpy about having to do things???  When do we no longer see them as a game???

Angels and demons

As some of you may know, I am in the process of doing my yoga teacher training...  This process takes roughly 18 months. One of the requirements is to developp a personnal home practice. I know that traditionnaly in Ashtanga one is to practice Sunday to Friday: asanas, pranaymas and meditation.  Ideally, from what I understood, this should be done upon waking up and it cannot be done for a couple of hours after a meal... for obvious reasons!  ;)

So in my life right now, I have a few windows upon waking up in the morning.  The other time period where I can easily practice is when I get back from work, before supper...  I cannot practice later at night as I find myself not being able to go to bed for a couple of hours after an Ashtanga practice.  Unless, I do more of a revitalizing practice.

It may seem easy just like that but it requires a lot of discipline. Now, I consider myself as having discipline. 
However, I also know that I can be quite lazy (this is not easy for me to admit here).  So what is happening right now it the battle between knowing that I must practice and the good feeling that results from it and the laziness of changing my clothes and rolling out my mat! The good feeling seems to win more and more often!!! YÉ!

In the morning I have gotten into the habit of doing my pranayama and meditation for 20 minutes...  Monday to Friday... This is a start....  even thus I must say that meditation is not so easy for me...  I am getting there...  A couple of mornings, I even did a half hour Ashtanga practice which is not the whole practice but I can slowly integrate the sequence of moves that need be done. Another goal I gave myself is to master the sanskrit name of all the poses in the primary series...  along with the sequence in which they must be done!

Secretly, I would like to master this before my two weeks or morning practice by the lake during the summer (I guess the secret is out!).  This is exercise for my brain! But honestly there is only 2 months left and
it might be difficult to achive but I will do my best and we'll see.

So basically, what I am trying to tell you guys is that I am training physically (asanas and pranayamas), mentally (meditation and memorizing) and this whole process is changing me quite a lot!  I can feel changes happening in me! Physical changes and also changes in my attitude and my behavior.  Now physical changes, for beeing an athlete previously in my life I have no problem with... I understand quite well how my body works!  The changes in my attitude and behavior however are giving me a hard time!  They are difficult to explain... It is as thus I am getting in a place of being well.... not wanting to fight anymore...  just letting go of things and knowing that no matter what happens I will be fine...
And this is scary.... Why? one might say...
Because for those who have known me for a while, I like to be in control...  I like for things to happen the way I want them to... and when I decide to...  now letting go and being trusty is all the opposite! And there is a battle inside of me!  I feel like in a cartoon when you see the tiny devil and tiny angel of a character fighting over what should be done! And the amazing thing is in the pass, I would have seen letting go and trusting life as the "devil" side of me!  As being nonchalant and a quitter and a looser! As now, I see those thing as the "angel" side... but I cannot explain why... aside from the fact that it just makes me feel better!

The truth is, I have no desire to fight anymore!  I still believe in sharing my opinion... and trying to help others... and I do not consider this fighting...  but trying so hard to make people like me, or driving agressively or being hangry at someone or something, is not a place I wanna be in anymore...  I wanna be in peace with myself... and with others.... and peace does not come with control... I have no control over what people do or think or wether they like me or not!  But I have full control over what I think and do and wether or not I like who I am becoming!
Shanti!
nath
xxx

Spring

Spring is my favorite season... always has been... probably always will be...

I love the smell, the light, the leafs coming out, the sound of the snow melting, the birds singing,the

occasionnal thundershower, the cleansing rain, the flowers blooming... the first bicycle ride, walk in the

park, feeling the ground under my feet, not the cold snow... 

Spring means new beginning, a new chance for life... this is why I have not written in a few days...  I am
overwhelmed by feelings and emotions and desire to do things...  I feel so alive and wanna do so many things... plan our summer, do yoga, bicycle, read, knit, cook, write this blog... and I wanna write about everything and nothing... So I can't actually pick a subject so this is why I am not really writing!!! Even thus millions of idea runs through my head! Neither can I pick an activity and just do it! Everything is just so tempting! I spend so many time just thinking about what I should do next that I often time end up not doing as much as I would like but actually having time to enjoy every second passing by!

Isn't that weird?
What are your toughts about spring?
Any subject you would like me to write on?

Socks

I never tought I would be exited about buying socks!!! 
But it did happen to me at lunch today...
In the climate we live in, they are quite essential....
And I must say that we can find pretty ones... of any color or design...

However, I always considered it a waste of money... and always postponed buying them when I really had
no choice....  Then of course, I end up having to buy several pairs wich adds up to quite a few dollars
and make me think that I could have put that amount of money towards a visit to the SPA or an expensive yoga course!!! 

I ususally buy socks every 2 years... not more.... and now, I had been almost 2 and half year since I had bought any... needless to say, my actual socks were in pretty bad shape!!! 

With this non buying resolution, I have been so long without shopping for something that finding the perfect
socks and choosing the right color and pattern was actually fun...  even thus I ended up spending some 40$ on 8 pairs... at least now I am ok for a few years!  ;)  And taking the time to look for pretty socks instread of
just taking black ones made it more fun!

This goes to show that when you get back to basics....  the smallest thing, the minor detail can actually be
enjoyable...  even buying socks can be fun!!!

My husband and I sometimes think about what will happen post 2011...  will we go back to our old buying habit?  I do not think so...  Every dollar I spend now, I think about it...  I am more concious of the value of money, the urge created to have us buy things...  the impact every single buy I make has on me, people I love and all living creature on this planet!  I came to realize that when you stay away form the mall and stores, you really do not need anything... but when I look at magazines or walk around the shopping center, I suddenly find myself with many needs... I do not have a floral dress that lenght.. or with that size of flower or that specific color, or the v-neck... but I do have a floral dress so why would that not be good enough???

I know I could do even better when I look at people I admire.... but one step at a time...  slowly but surely I
will get there because now I know why I am doing this.... 

I use to be blind! Now my eyes have been open and I have no intention of closing them again!