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Monday, February 28, 2011

never stop questionning yourself!

I am the kind of person always questionning herself.... Am I doing the right thing? Could I do more?  Does this make sense?  Is there a point?  Does it helps anyone? Does it makes me happy?

I have very few expectations from life aside from being happy... that also includes my son and husband being happy!
Happiness to me does not include a big house, fancy car and travelling... for those of you who may not have get that up untill now...  ;)

Saturday night, after putting my lovely son to bed, my husband and I had a nice discussion... I had been thinking all day... and so he knew I was up to something! What I had been thinking about was one sentence in a movie we all watched together Friday night.  The sentence was (not necessarely exact quote) "sometimes the good decision may not be the good thing to do"... what does this mean?  not quite sure yet...

What did this sentence trigger in me? Putting my year resolution in question!

If you guys remember, I had decided to do all this as a part of my personnal evolution and to be supportive of my husband... Also another motivation was to help environmentally....  I mean the earth is not going to heal itself without us changing our behavior, so I tought I try and help... And I hope to give my son a nice place to live eventually.... 

Now, what if I was doing all this for nothing?  What if it was already too late? Or too little?  What if I had no impact or anyone?  Might as well shop, spend money, use my car, eat anything etc...
I mean there are no sure answer to all those questions...  and my husband certainly did not have the answers either... But what he made me realize is that I have to do what makes ME happy NOW! After all it is my only expectation from life!  So I have to go for it... 

If what I am doing is enough or not?  Who cares really?  At least I am giving it a try!
If I am doing this for nothing?  No becasue this is what makes me happy!  Even if it does not have the impact I wish for... it is a beginning...
Is it too late?  Probably not... as long as there is life, there is hope!
Too little?  Probably.... but every small step count!
What if it has no impact?  I can see an impact on my son! So if only that... It was worth it! And I have a few people reading me so I am at least playing with their minds... lol!

And my husband vision on that is, when I am going to leave this world, I should not have regrets!
So I have to live in such a way not to have any!  And that includes giving it a try!
Trying a more sustainable way of living!

When you are looking for answers and are carefull for the signs, you get answers...

I got 2 of them...

We had a fire drill a 3h32 am Sunday morning.... so I had to pull my son out of bed, get all of
us dress and ready to go out quiclky... My son is terrified of fire... He used to tell me what if the appartement catches fires and he loses all his stuff?  And this one time, his stuff never came up! He was more worry about
the people not coming out and the cats that we left inside...We were pretty sure it was not a fire since there was no smoke or smell or panic amongst any of our neighbours! When we were allowed back in 30 minutes later, I put him back to bed and he gave me a huge hug, a big kiss and told me "Maman je t'aime vraiment beaucoup"
There I knew I was doing the right thing!

The other sign came at lunch today, I am reading "How to go further" by Woody Harrelson and friends and the section I was reading today was on sustainable life changes... He made a lot of life changes since he was 23...  and he claims he is not done yet.. there are still room for improvement. But he also truly believes that every little steps count!  So it was good to hear that from an outsider.... not someone trying to cheer me up!

So as a result, I decided to keep on going... hey, might as well give it a shot!!!
What do I have to lose???

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