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Monday, September 21, 2015

in a way... I always knew...


that I was different... way different... then where I was... like if I was born in the wrong place and time...
but I was shy... and I was looking for affection and love... and only thought I would getting it by fitting in... by being like most people... so I tried... and tried... and tried...  and succeeded to some extent...  I did do what was expected of me for years...  for pretty much 30 some years... and then it all came loose...  it all came apart slowly but surely... 

I like to think that MS diagnosis was the kick in the ass I needed to finally understand I was different...  and the following years, were life transforming for me... after all, if I was gona end up really sick within a few years why not be who I wanted to be in the mean time?  cuz then I would have to be back to "normal" anyway when I would no longer be in charge of my own life but MS would...

Little did I know that actually assuming who I wanted to be and live the life I wanted to live would actually put ME in charge and MS on the back burner...  It was gambled... and I won... 

By actually becoming who I wanted to be...  or as close as can be for now...  I have became less stress...  less tired...  more honest with myself...  and others obviously...  I have disapointed some people but I have gained confidence and love for myself! It came with a price all worth paying...

I have gained confidence in life: there will always be another job... another friend... another place to live...  another anything basically... options of everything are endless!

Basically, what I am trying to say is:  to you, the one who think they are the black sheep who does not fit in no matter how hard they try, who's to say you have to fit in where you are now???

Take a leap of faith...  dream your life and then live your dream!

Change...
Move...
Quit....
Break up...

and then...

Love
Be grateful
Do what you love
Surround yourself with like minded people

You may be the black sheep where you are now but when you surround yourself with black sheep, color no longer matters... and you fit in... as YOU ARE!  no need to play a part... or a game... 

Just be yourself... and in a little while.... OK maybe a long while in some instances...  it took me almost 10 years to find exactly where I belong (but they were enriching 10 years for my soul)...  You will find it and your life will be a DREAM come true!!!

Be who you are... DREAM your life...  LIVE your dream...

love&peace,
nath
xox
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