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Monday, July 6, 2015

my view on... letting go of people

Hello!

a while ago I started a new series of post called "my view on".... and asked you guys to come up with subject you'd like me to share my opinion on.  Well you did a good job and honestly most subject got me by surprise...  and believe it or not some got me "speechless"!

I had to think about it... this one was an example of that...  and even though I had to "do" it several times in my life, I realised that I never really let go....  in a sense.  Most of the time, other people let go of me because they admitted to themselves, way before I did, that our relationship was not going anywhere.  And even then, I still tried to stay in touch... somehow...  honestly NOT the thing to do.  After working on this for about 6 months now, I think I got this figured out... I can let go....  and I can move on... and remember those people as good memories without carrying them in my present...  It was becoming very "heavy" and very "toxic" for me to care for those people whom have decided to move on or with whom I  no longer have anything in common... (this question got me to do LOTS of work on myself but help me grow... so to the one who asked it, THANK YOU!!!)

When you change as much as I did over the last 7 years, it is very likely, and quite frankly normal, that most people you surrounded yourself with will not follow all the way... depending on the nature of the relationship, some will hang around longer... sometimes for good reasons, because they really cared... or because they also want to move in the same way as you... and other will just stay for all the wrong reasons...  because you are blood related, because you were friends for so many years, because you've known each other all your life...  because of money in the case of a spouse or intimate relationship...  because there are kids involved and you do not trust them to deal with change and adapt to a different life... and I could go on and on...

I say it is normal because they do not have to change because you are...  they got to know another side of yourself... a side of yourself you decide to part from...  and that is OK!  Nothing last forever...  people change and move on... and it is desirable that you go your own path... even if it means parting ways with people...  when you leave someone behind, somehow it makes "room" for someone new...  and the new person will be attracted to the "new" and "improved" you and hence will share similar ideas/interest/passions...  it will feel more natural and not fake or forced...

Now when is it time to let go???  It all depends on each individual...  you have to be ready to let go... and move on....  you have to be confident that by leaving someone behind you'll still be OK.  You have to understand and be ready to part "forever" because sometimes life will bring you back together and most times it won't...  just because parted ways rarely cross ever again...

I came to the conclusion that for me, it is time to let go when someone no longer "allows" me to be myself....  if I have to put on a mask when I see them.. if I have to pretend I am who I used to be....  if I have to avoid certain subject to not get into an argument...

Another sign that it's time for me to "get out" is when people are turning around everything I say or think against me...  when people project on me their own perception of the relationship (for example they are saying that I am judging because this is who they are)...  In psychology you learn that people see in others what they do not like about themselves... this is very informative to know when someone "accuse" you of something...

I am 42 years old... I worked a lot on my personality, health, life to become who I always wanted to be... to let the "mask" down...  it cost me a lot... in every sense of the word and I think I deserve to enjoy it... so if you are a cloud in my happiness and there is no way this cloud is moving away soon, I am sorry but I have no room for you (and you shouldn't have for me either)...  this is how I deal with it... and some people "threaten" me that I'd end up alone behaving like this but I found it has been quite the opposite...  I felt more alone alone when I was forcing myself to be someone I was not to "get along" with the wrong people...  or to hold on to someone for the wrong reasons... and don't get me wrong, for everyone that was in my life in the past, I have very good memories and souvenir... and I am happy they were there for the time they were...  but they are in the past and I am now creating other good "memories" every day...  because what you live today is actually a good memory for tomorrow!

Life moves on... and so should we... nothing lives forever...  no us, not relationship, not anything...

Now, I can hear your question... what about family?  And THIS is sincerely the most difficult one but family is define by humans as people related by blood/genes.  It stops there.... my family will always be my family...  but it doesn't have to be my web/support...  it doesn't have to be my friends or the people I go to or talk to the most...  We, Human, attach a big importance to family, as we defined it, where as in other type of animals, the importance of family changes a lot from species to species... I will not give you a course on animals behavior, but it is very informative to look at them...  Why would we make family or life long friends the most important people in our current life?

I consider like minded people a better fit for me then anyone else... and I know it may change again over time but I trust that I will always have like minded people around me... because people get attracted to you according to what you show them...  as long as you show your true self, you will attract like minded people and never be alone.

I hope this answer the question I was asked about who do you know when it is time to let go of someone... 

love&peace,
nath
xox
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