Tuesday, August 5, 2014
things to let go of... update 2
In January and May I made blog posts about things I wanted to let go of before my next birthday in November... I am now roughly 3 1/2 months away from my birthday and I want to share with you where I stand... Before I look at the actual items, let me tell you that this #108daystoanewlife project is making me move forward in many ways.... all the time spent "inside" of me is paying off so I am expecting some progress on the list from May 6th that you can read here...
Here are the 10 items (in bold) with updates and thoughts for each one of them.
1. Let go of what isn't helping my soul to smile and grow. Basically anything that makes me sad is out... if I am not smiling, I am not growing... if I am not growing I am dying...
In May, I wrote that: Not sure what to say about this one... I can't remember what frame of mind I was in precisely when I wrote that but I can honestly say that I do not think I am doing anything, right now, that isn't helping my soul smile and grow. Not sure why I would have selected this one... clearly something was bothering me at the time. I know I was working on a few projects that ended up not working and I am assuming they were a burden at the time... in any case, this is DONE! Completed! Yay!
Now, I can say that I know what I needed to let go to actually complete this one... I was trying to hard... too much is just like not enough... I was trying to hard to succeed at something that will take time... I was not giving myself room to breathe... and was slowly loosing my smile... and chocking! I did gained it back now (my smile)... still working on my ultimate objective but not directing ALL of my minutes and seconds of every day towards it... letting the Universe help me and watching out for signs coming my way!
Now this point is completed.... REALLY!!!
2. Let go of the baggage I know I need to leave behind. Yes it can be stuff... but I am not too bad at letting stuff behind... I should be pretty much OK with that by June... But it can also be memories... souvenirs... good ones and bad ones... I am not saying forget about them completely... but maybe not think about them so often.... I have one or two souvenirs, rather painful, that I keep going over and over about... It's time I stop that!
Moving was really easy because by June I really didn't have much more stuff... and once I got to Moncton, I had to play around with my wardrobe because I've gone back to my natural hair color which is more silver then anything else... but that's OK! I am also able to finally assume who I am in terms of dressing up... a bohemian/hippie more than anything else... this is how I feel good about myself! :-)
As for my painful memories, there was some huge progress on that front... I am learning more and more to leave souvenirs where they belong: in the past and live where I belong: in the present!
"Here and now" is my mantra for now.
As Buddha says, "there is only 2 days in the year when you cannot do anything: one is yesterday and the other tomorrow. Today is all you have"
3. Let go of worrying about everyone else opinion on my life. Quite frankly, why do I care so much about what other's think? Why do I need their approval so much? Especially when I know I won't have it.... It's my life... I am old enough to make my own choices... and as long as my son and husband are on board, everything is fine!
In May: Let's skip this one! Really not there yet! I find this is the hardest one! I have ALWAYS looked for other's approval! It's been 41 years! I won't stop overnight. Enough said.
I should really start working on this if I want to master it for my birthday.
Now: Way to go!!! Pretty much done with that! Adding a physical distance to some people and getting to know new people is helping me with that. I find it's easier for me to be who I want to be with new people then changing in the eyes of some people I knew... I feel like for people who have known me a long time, I was putting them in a weird situation where they have to like or not like the new me... and maybe pull away... By creating that distance, I am not putting them up to that decision so much... and new people are getting to know the new me. They do not know otherwise!
4. Let go of thinking there is a perfect time. There never was a perfect time. There never will be. Time is as perfect now as it will ever get! Stop using that excuse to stay still and not move forward...
I moved 1000km away from home... and people I knew all my life... to start a new life.... this is what I was referring too! When I selected that item to let go of back in January, I was still unsure I would go all the way to the end of it... but I did! I am proud of that!
5. Let go of the need to always feel comfortable. Ah.... comfort... so comfortable... but the number one excuse I make not to try something new... I do not know many people who like to be out of their comfort zone... but the few ones I do know are people I really admire... they are living their dreams... they are going after what they want... what they were meant to be... and this is what I want for myself!!! Comfort really is just another sorry excuse to not move forward!
There is no comfort where I am now... everything is new... I do not know anyone... I have to start a job I never did before... I am trying a new yoga style... working out different schedules... reinventing my daily life! But I love it!!! It is true that when you let go of comfort, new things will show up to you... Things that you would not see or try before because you did not wanted to give up your comfort! I really think that the greatest adventures and opportunity for growth can be found in discomfort! You should give it a try!
6. Let go of wanting stuff I don't need. This goes for material stuff... like clothes for example.... but it also goes for other stuff... like a raise, a promotion... a better place to live... a bigger vacation... why do we (and this time I say "we" because most of us are affected by this) always want more... it is believed that the richer people are not those who have more but those who want less... I am going to work hard on this... most days I am good... but as soon as I get out of my comfort zone, my mind tricks me into thinking that I want something and I'd better get back to what I know to get it faster... Faster is most often not better! And really, when you're honest with yourself, what do we REALLY need in life???
I have made a lot more progress on this one since May... once again, my yoga practice/meditation/mindfulness are a big part of that progress. I actually try to (and on most days succeed at) appreciate what I already have. Gratitude is an amazing principle. When you are grateful for what you have, you do not want something else!
Coming to Moncton made me realise that when you love your life, you do not need a vacation from it! When you love the place you live, it becomes your refuge, you home, your vacation place away from everything else... When you love the work you do, same goes...
I heard a song recently that I had never heard before and I do not even know who was signing but I remember those words: "...you do not need a vacation when you're not running away from anything..." and it resonates with me so much!!! Thanks Trish to have shared this song with me.
7. Let go of trying to change others. Now this may sound weird coming from me... because after all, I really do hope that all I write about help people change... or should I say become better versions of themselves... but how #7 particularly affects me is by the fact I write because like it... because I need it.... and because I feel like I can help others.... I should not be attached to the results... I should not be attached to the number of person I am changing.... I should just concentrate on what I like to do, that is write and share, and do it better and better...
In May: Well, I am not giving up trying to change people yet.... Well by now, I kind of did... because I realise that you cannot "change" people... I am no longer trying.... I am sharing... I am still writing but a little less... and hoping that what I write about with initiate some thinking in some of you... but that is all I can do... share and answer your questions/concerns. The rest is up to you.. if you want to! After all Gandhi said it so well: "... be the change you want to see in the world."
This is what I am doing... I am living a life I love... and hoping to be an example for those of you who wish to do the same. Someone else, I can't remember who also said: "You have to lead by example".
8. Let go of one sided relationship. You should never have to beg for attention... if I constantly have to be the one calling or reaching out... this is not a relationship... and it is just draining all my energy... it has to be ended...
Back in May I wrote: Made huge progress on this one... At first I was resentful... and upset... I felt betrayed... But you know what? This is just life... people take different paths... and that's OK! Do I wish some friends had kept the same path as me? Of course, first answer to come to my mind is YES! It would have been easier... less painful... But when I think of it more deeply, things are just perfect as they are. People go in and out... and actually when some go out, it makes room for new acquaintances that are on the same path as you at the time. I consider this one completed too! YAY!
Got nothing to add to this one... unless maybe that what I wrote in May is actually theoretically true... but sometimes living it is not THAT easy... healing takes time. But time does wonder and I am healing... I'll be fine. I know I will.
9. Let go of the things people say about me. It really doesn't matter what people say... if they're saying nice things... good...it's positive energy coming my way! But if they're saying not so nice things, it's belongs to them... it's creating negative energy around them... this is the thing with thoughts and words... negative ones affect the person emitting it... whereas positive ones affects everyone... why should I care? Why should I let negative people affect me? I have not right to do that to myself...
Since I gave up on trying to change people, it makes it much easier to not care what people think. I know there will always be people criticizing me. I know there will always be people who love what I do and write about. To bad for the first ones... and good for the others... but you know what, as long as I am happy with my life I shouldn't care... I think that the comments affect me more when I am unsure of where I am going because it makes me question my acts... but when I am sure, it really doesn't matter. As I become more aware of my own likes and dislikes... of my own priorities... or my own way of life I become less aware of what others think. Really.
10. Let go of the idea that it's to late to start over. As human beings, we like to create boundaries around us... I am no different... and another great excuse to not try something new is age... How often have I heard that such and such are too old to do that... to old to go there... to old to think this way... REALLY? who decides who is to old and at what age? why do we have to be so set into age... age is a number... it's not a feeling... only I know if I am to old for something or not... If I feel like doing it, trying it... why not??? As long as you're alive, you're not too old... Compare to the bigger scheme of things, we are here for a really short time... why not make the most out of it???
Well at almost 42, I've gone back to an entry level job... in something I think I will really love! I have changed the way I dress slightly to reflect how I feel inside even though it may not look like a 42 year old women... I have dreams and projects that may seem unreasonable for an "adult my age" but that are mine. I will share them in due time trust me...
It is never too late to start a new relationship, move far away, back pack travel, sell all your stuff and leave for a year, start a new career, take a year off, learn a new hobby, try a new sport...
I dare you!!!!
Let's summarize this:
Completed: pretty much all of them...
However, I still need to work on "here and now", let go of people who are no longer in my life (in the sense that I should not let that hurt me at any point) and last but not least, reaffirm what I want in my life and ignore what people say.
It's just some fine tuning... but still there were always my weaknesses and I may need the 3 1/2 month left before my next birthday...
thanks for reading!
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