Friday, March 23, 2012
Good bye Carol
She was in Florida so I did not get to say Good Bye properly... this post will serve as my Good Bye to her.
During her trip she went to the hospital because she was not feeling good... and was diagnosed with a rare autoimmune disease (which I will not go about into detail here) but basically the doctor told her that she would have about a year left (so I was told)... A few weeks later, on the eve of being transferred back to Montreal, but still in Florida she passed away...
Now this is very difficult for me, since I had seen her a few days before she left for Florida and she was really happy... and doing great! They were leaving soon for their annual trip to Florida (her and my uncle), they had decided to sell their house and buy this wonderfull condo by the water... We lived close so I would randomly ran into her and my uncle at the mall, coffee shop, bank, market... And those encounters were always the sunshine of my day. We were always happy and smiling!
Now I always had a difficult time dealing with death... it has been present in my life all too early... Now, with my yogic background, I see things differently... of course it still makes me sad, and angry... but not in the same way...
I now belief in karma and reincarnation (notion present in the yogic philosophy since it is strongly inspired from boudhism and induism)... I believe that people come on this planet to improve their karma... and that we all have a goal to reach in each and every one of our lives... Once this goal is reach, we can leave and wait for our next life... Obviously it is not always consciously done... but once it is time to move on, we know it deep down.. somehow... and we accept it... so we can somehow choose when it is time to let go. This notion may not be easy to accept... but I truly beleif that this is what it is!
I understand that there are many different beliefs and I wish not to judge any of these.... they are all good... beliefs are just what makes all this easier to live with... but these are mine.... and this is what helps me deal with the departure of my aunt...
I like to believe that she decided to leave while in Florida.... because she loved that place so much!!! Because she knew it may be the last time she would be able to go. Because she wished not to have us see her sick... and hence keep a good memory of her...
The last time I saw her, she was at the mall with my cousin Kim and we were talking in front of the Bay... and she was smilling and happy and this will forever be the last memory I have of her.
Good bye Carol,
rest in peace,